in a manner of speaking

So, being unemployed has left me with entirely too much time on my hands. I was watching TV when I glanced down at my water bottle. It was an Aquafina product. I did the whole turn and read, now I get that there's a little synposis to promote the product and the federal mandated dietary data panel but there's something extra under the "Smart Choices Made Easy" label. - Aquafina is a smart choice because it hydrates and is sodium free plus every serving of water is naturally calorie-free visit http://www.smartspot.com/. OK, first all water hydrates. That's a fact. The fact that it's Aquafina doesn't matter. Yes, that's great that it's sodium free. What's the big deal? Oh, it's naturally calorie-free. Well, I don't know of too many waters that are choke-full of calories. Calorie-free? That's your selling point? You might as well make the selling point, it's wet! *gasp* Really? I never would've thought! Holy cow!

Out of the pan and into the fire for this kitty. Survive with four rottweilers? Good luck kitty, you're nine lives will be used up in a month.

Well, at least he didn't hit the kid. And what exactly is the law against stomping fish? It's not a federal crime is it? A four-year sentence for stomping a fish, that must be a first.

Note to self: Don't leave trumpet out.

Sweet. What does mine say? Dude. What does mine say? SWEET! What does mine say? DUDE! Nah, but it was pretty cool, 141mph huh? That's the way I want to travel. Fastest I've gone is 123mph, that was in Oklahoma.

blah blah black sheep

The science behind gay-dar. Is that the right spelling? Is there a right spelling? It didn't look right as gaydar though. Who knows? Gay gene? That's a really stupid gene, it doesn't really do much to advance the species does it? Hmm. So maybe you've got a gay recessive gene, you could pass it on to your kids!

Well I got to ask, how long does it take to make a cup of apple juice? Really? Oh, I understand that she could be busy but seriously. Apple juice. Open container. Pour into glass. It's not like she's going out the the orchards to pick the finest apples, bringing them back and making juice from scratch. Although I think it's weird that they grounded the whole plane over the apple juice.

Dang. It must've been a .22, otherwise he'd of waken up with something more than a headache. This must be one of the lower on the list of causes of headaches.

Oh great. Now this better not catch on here. Ringtones for car horns? "Move bitch, get out the way, get out the way bitch, get out the way." Would make for an accurate horn but it would get annoying after the first couple of times I heard it.

Watch your step because I'm about to drop some knowledge. I've always wondered about the Wonderbra. Previously owned by Sara Lee? Now I can't look at a pie the same way. Not in an American Pie way, but just the diversity of a company. And it's been around for 70 years? It's a wonder it hasn't been more popular. Ah, the technology involved in bra design. Thank you Israel Pilot.

And an engine I'd like to see in action. I just wonder if it's in spec with Congress' latest MPG bill.

or die hard

I laughed so hard when I read this. It's not funny, but I think Happy Gilmore did this story. Seriously. A one-eyed gator, guy with one hand. What? Can't you see the similarities?

See? This is what I'm talking about. Running from the law is worse than just taking your licks. Instead of getting a ticket/fine this girl is probably facing three counts of negligent homicide, reckless endangerment, and a laundry list of things. So she was driving on a suspended driver's license... not a huge deal. Not only does she have to live with the fact that she killed three of her kids, but the 4th one now has no mother. Good job.

I'd hated to see the package this stamp has to go on. Someone has entirely too much time on their hands.

Like throwing gasoline on a fire. Not exactly the best policy for prisoners. *shrug* Well, whatever, they're in Sweden.

It's been two-weeks but I still miss the guy. Speaking of which, I didn't know Matlock was still alive. The things you miss huh?

live free

See? Now this is the intelligence level of criminals I like. Sure they commit a crime but as long as they brag about it. Ideally I'd like for them to just go straight to the police and turn themselves in.

I'm not quite sure what to make sure of this. It's an interesting approaching, but I'm not quite sure it'll happen. If anyone will be laughing it'll be the victims' families. Although I have to admit this guy is seriously f***ed in the head.

And if you want to know what the police mean by a 417 or anything else, well...

I'd hate to see the dog that won last year. *barf*

I think this kid could give Georgia Brown a run for her money I think. Not sure how much a two year-old has though.

Well, there's the Lifetime Channel, so why not a Deathtime Channel. Those Germans sure know how to party. It took a 72 year-old to finish off a squirrel.

The sport will never be the same. *sniff*

buy bottom stocks

OK, there's so much to talk about but I wasn't as surprised as I thought I'd be. Granted I was curious as to women on 'the pill' that paid attention to the background in this pornographic pictures. My question, there's background to those pictures? Interesting. As far as not being surprised? Well, that a guy will look at the face first. It's the "Oh" factor, tie that into the butterface and you've got your answer. Butterface? She had a nice body, but her face...

And WOW! Do I feel stupid now. To be honest, I feel stupid a lot, often.

Oh no! Christians are being discriminated against! (add sarcasm). It's a chasity ring, it's not as religious as you think. Yay for her, but exactly what's the purpose of the ring? Is that like spotting a wedding ring on a woman in a bar? Oops, back off. I hope she has to take it off and as a result lose her "purity" or whatever they call it.

Inspired by watching Neil Cavuto's Your World, this heated debate about something silly. I applaud the effort though. While I agree that something must be done about the poor and schooling, is this really the best solution? Rewarding behavior and action for that should be a given? That's like getting paid for just showing up to work. *gasp* Not actually doing any work. Is this what we should be teaching (through example) the young?

for you i will

I'm not as concerned about the spill or the series of events the resulted in the spill, but what exactly is the purpose of transporting pig's blood? And that much pig's blood? Is this some sort of hidden business venture? Maybe there's a horror movie filming company that needs a truckload of pig's blood.

Ah yes, please check the method payment. Cash, money order, check, or poop.

Well, this is one of the weirder methods of presidential selection. You've got to have the equivalent IQ of a cheerleader to make your selection like this.

disappointments

Well, tonight marked the end of an era. SCIFI Channel's Stargate SG-1 has come to an end. I'm here to spoil it all for those that haven't seen it, so if you don't want to know just scroll down and read some other stuff I've written. So the series finale episode wasn't all that spectacular. Don't get me wrong, I love the series and I understand that it has to continue so you can't do much, but they didn't do anything! The first fifteen minutes were awesome, the Asgard (as a race) died off but before they did, they went ahead and gave humanity the sum of the Asgard knowledge, plus cool new toys. The twist? The Ori were capable of tracking SG-1 because of the enhancements, and even though with the new toys they could destroy the Ori motherships, it still wasn't enough. Just as SG-1 was about to be destroyed Lt. Col. Carter was able to envelop the ship in a time-dilation field. So the for the next forty minutes, we watched SG-1 age fifty years while a fraction of a second in normal-time passed. Finally, they come up with a solution and save themselves. The last two minutes were a throwback to normal operations and the team walks through the gate one last time on screen.
Not to complain and not offer solutions, but there was so much more that could've been done with a two-hour series finale. Deal with the Asgard problem, the Ori too, maybe find a way to neutralize the supergate, something. Maybe inflict a little damage to the Ori fleet, spark some hope to remove the Ori followers from the galaxy. I don't know, I don't get paid to write those shows.
Still, not all is bad on the Stargate front. Amanda Tapping is moving to Stargate Atlantis. Also joining the crew is Jewel Staite, making an appearance in the Atlantis season finale. Yay! I've liked her since I saw her on Joss Whedon's Firefly. Woo! It appears as though Torri Higginson is leaving the show to make room for all the sexy. Makes a little sense, financially speaking, but otherwise I can't fathom why they'd do this. Still, should make for interesting stories.

alrighty then

I've got to ask, is a cat worth a one-alarm fire code? People have really got to prioritize things. I hope that cat has a long a prosperous life, not like this turtle. Poor guy, didn't really stand a chance. The things we'll do for animals huh?

OK, I'm not ripping on the fact they tried to sell air, even if it was from the World Cup. Rather, I'm curious as to their previous endeavors. Selling real estate on the Moon? Hmm, it is an interesting future investment but is it practical? That's just like people buying up property on that little island that is forming off of the Big Island in Hawaii. Selling air? Egads!

Holy conservatism crap Batman! It's not unconstitutional, it's downright stupid. Although, Laurie Baker's theortical high-five scenario was quite entertaining. I don't know how she does her high-fives but rarely do feet fly up in the air and bonk others in the head. Handshakes too? Damn shortie, what you packing in that sack?

Those are some hot Hebrews. Damn! Why can't our Army be that sexy? We'd win more wars that way right? Probably not, but I'd re-enlist for some of that. Oh baby!

And here's the report of the AFI's Top 100 with the list on the side. Woo!

That is one dangerous park. 34 dead? More beaten? I'd hate to be a duck. Me thinks that in a few years there'll be a serial killer on the loose in that region. Good luck Scottsdale, I was thinking about moving there (at some point in my past) but I think I'll pass.

i have confidence

Oops? Who else is going to get their identity stolen next? The Bradys? Noooo! There goes the Nick at Nite lineup!

Haha, the police will get right on it, just as soon as they finish their salad. Knife in the door? Probably because the only thing to steal was a salad.

I've got a question, what were they fighting about? Well, if he's got to guard wounded soldiers I'm sure glad he can at least shoot. Oh wait, no he can't. What good is he? And I can't get a job like that...

Yup, another Scientological moron. School shooting about psychotropic drug problem? Really? I'd think it'd be a parental/economical issue. Someday I'll explain. I guess I'm the misinformed one, right? Drugs are the root of all evil.

6/20/07 - the AFI came out with its Top 100 Movies of all time, with of course Citizen Kane retaining #1. Check out the other fun lists.

black on broadway

20 Most Romantic Moments in cinema according to the Brits. Brokeback Mountain? I never saw it, call me a homophobe. There are some good moments among the list though.

I'd be fussy too. How do you not notice six sewing needles are missing? Dang.

And talk about underage drinking. Get'em when they're young I guess, just like the tobacco industry. Whew. Apple juice and margarita served out of similar containers? No! Could that mean that someone order a margarita and get apple juice instead? That'd be the most expensive apple juice I've heard of.

If this doesn't motivate you to get to work I don't know what will. I bet she got to work early that day.

counterpoint

I agree, but only on this condition; you've got be hot. The slang definition, sexy, you know? And it's got to be confirmed by outside sources.

One of the weirder court orders I've ever heard of. How do you enforce it? And I keep thinking if he's in jail and shares his reason for incarceration? "I'm in here cuz I have a girlfriend." Doh!

Hmm, no sooner than 2060? That's cool, I'll be 80. I can live with that. Time to start driving a SUV and toss trash out the window! Woo hoo! Screw future generations!

My kind of girl. What? Challenge authority, rise up against The Man. Yeah! Sorry, this is a bleed over from class tonight. Oddly, it was my Intro to Criminal Justice. Lots of class participation, but mostly from an uneducated girl that had a lot of opinions and not a lot of information. Ugh, stupid people. Don't get me wrong, it was entertaining but I'm not paying for entertainment. But back to Jessica, I agree with this outdated survey and think it's still true.

When I read this all I could think of was Carlos Mencia's answer to the problem. "MOOOOOOOVE!!!" Which I agree, God's trying to tell you something Cougar. Don't read too much into it, just do it.

More on the $54 million pair of pants. I still want to know how he arrived at $67 million as a fair amount. Pro Se? A man that represents himself has a fool for a client and an idiot for a lawyer. And others agree with me.

Does this conjure any dirty thoughts? Cuz I really think Jenna Jameson has that record beat.

tomato ketchup

OK, I went to go see Knocked Up with Katherine Heigl and not the 2004 film with the same name and basic plot. I saw it with Joe and Heidi, but that's not the point. The point is that before we went to see the movie we went to Chili's for lunch. Well, that's not the whole point; it's was during lunch when I looked over to the condiments and noticed the Tomato Ketchup container. Tomato Ketchup. Tomato. Ketchup. I always assumed that ketchup was synonymous with tomato. I didn't realize that you had to modify ketchup with tomato. Are they making other varieties of ketchup? Zuccini ketchup? Cucumber ketchup? It's all so confusing. And if you're thinking about bringing up the "Heinz 57" theory, don't bother.

It just irks me, just like people that say, "ATM machine." Uh, dumbass? ATM stands for Automated Teller Machine, so basically you're telling me you're going to the automated teller machine machine. Who are you? Tommy Two-Times? (Goodfellas reference).

And for some lucky girl? This is part of my marriage proposal plan. It's not an empty box but it should be unique enough.

eurotrip

Ever wanted to know who the Top 100 Most Powerful Celebrities are? Well, I think this list won't surprise you much. And if you want to know who the most powerful woman is, I can tell you that it isn't Xena: Warrior Princess. You know what's disappointing? Guys' Choice for Hottest Jessica was only ranked #78. At least she beat out Larry The Cable Guy. You have to be pretty pathetic to get beat by Larry (hint, hint: Dane Cook).

Oh, she only acted dumb... Huh, I guess I owe her an two apologies. One for thinking that she was dumb and two, for not giving her enough credit for her acting chops. My bad. So what's next for Paris Hilton? Tackling string theory? Oh, I know, working on the unified theory. Yes! Go for it Professor!

Umm. You think you have a problem there Houston?

And I realize that dogs are an important part of our lives, I love dogs, but to go this far? Or something like this? No, no, no. Bad dog!

A sensitive politician? Boo-hoo. It's an ice cream named Staten Island Landfill. Hell, if there was a landfill full of vanilla ice-cream, brownie chunks, and cherries I would totally be there! I'd move there.

According to the report, charity has similiar effects on the brain as sex and food. Giving new meaning to 'getting off on helping people.'

zip zip zip huh?

Day 3:
It's been 3 days since I've become unemployed. I haven't gotten much accomplished in those three days. Well, that depends on what you consider an accomplishment. I've watched the entire first season of HIMYM on DVD. Also, I got through the 2nd season of Sleeper Cell.
So what did I do on this, the third day of unemployment? Well, I set up an appointment to go and visit ITT. See the campus, maybe ask a few questions, that sort of thing. I applied online yesterday and was contacted by a counselor today at 1pm. Appointment time? 3pm. After I got passed from person-to-person for three hours, took a test, and then found myself getting scooted out of the registrar's office with a class schedule. WHAT?
On a stranger note, I was supposed to call my buddy Joe to figure out when we're going to meet up this weekend. I didn't call, but I did see him at ITT. Who would've thought we'd be at the registrar's office at the same time. Weird.

Well, now I've got to go get a job. Money will run out in a few months and I'd rather not get to that point.

point of view?

Hey man, you want some cheese? I never thought that that phrase would be used as a drug reference. How things have changed huh? It's cheap too, cheaper than real cheese. Although I don't think 21 deaths constitutes an emergency reaction. I am scared that it would spread from Dallas I'm not that scared of it yet.

Not to laugh, but HAHA! Guy gets lost during land nav. That's irony.

Rent-a-Cake. Do I have to explain this?

Why is this funny? And is it really a one-year jail sentence per roll? I know punishment is supposed to be cruel and unusual but that's just plain crazy!

The dog has it right. Who'd figure that? You think that this report is going to start me drinking from the toilet? Nah, I'll take my chances with the water fountain.

Talk about getting robbed at the gas station. This time at gun point...

There's got to be something in the water up there. For the life of me I can't explain it.

ghostrider

I'm curious, since when have people been splitting hairs? Vitamin water? Propel? Fruit-flavored water? It's all water-based. Everything! Carbonated water with sugar/syrup flavor!!!! It's soda people! But the whole carbonated water with sugar/syrup flavor makes it sound healthy doesn't it? At least more than soda does. Get real people, don't buy into the hype.
Yeah, I buy bottle water, but mostly for the bottle. I need something to carry that water around all day.

huh?

Because you asked Christy, I'll answer. Why was I in Columbus, Ohio? The simple answer is for the Army. I took a month off to get my unit mobilized (without me). I've been working day after day to get these people out of here, plus the week of training I taught. And let me tell you, not a lot of people even noticed what I did but that's the way it should be. I don't need credit or recognition, it just needed to be done.
The complex answer? What other motivation is there for a guy besides a girl? All of the stupid things I've done have been for a girl. Move away for college? Joined the Army? Running into a semi-busy road? *sigh* I'm not very smart. She's cool, funny (my kind of funny), cute as hell; but here's the catch: she's a little too young for me. It's not really an excuse but when I put some thought into it; it just seems weird. *shrug* She's seven years younger than me, which isn't bad but I've been in the Army for that long. When I joined she was in middle school and doesn't that seem weird? Maybe it's me or maybe I'm thinking too much (for a dumb guy I do a lot of thinking).
Still, she's made her feelings towards me clear and I can accept that. Plus, you've got to figure my life will be different in a year when she gets back and I'll forget the whole thing. Probably not, but I can hope can't I?

it really irks me

I don't know if it's because I'm in Columbus, Ohio right now or just something that's been on my mind. It just really irks me when we spend thousands of dollars (in taxes) for road repairs and they can't make a level road! I mean those speed lump-type corrections? What is up with that? We can launch a space probe from here and send it millions of miles in the span of years and hit our mark but when it comes to leveling out the asphalt we miss? There's got to be a way to fix that! Come on! Really.
Ugh, I think it's Columbus. I hate this fricking place!!!!

botching, relationships and others

Who's botching the executions? Well, let me take a wild stab here but shouldn't we be focusing on why we need executions? Why attack one of the symptoms instead of the real problem? That's the real question right?

And look, I've got a 5 out of 5 warning. Watch out!

Nice and clean. Well, as far as murders go nobody has to sit in jail for months then finally get a court date and then go to prison to become a drain on our society. It wasn't clean for the cleaning lady and the guy that has to hose down the street.

Look, there was even a sign. My only question is, he did have a chance to procreate yet? God, I hope not.

wagons east

The porn-driven world. I guess I'm just a victim of society huh? I like it, it's my kind of world! Nah, I wish it wasn't but it's what the world is. You can't change it.

Wow, I'm glad I'm an adult now and not the kid I used to be. Arrested for a food fight? Gosh, I'm surprised they didn't send in the K-9 units. Trust me, nothing says "stop what you're doing and RUN!" like a K-9.

If you want to know, it'll be out on the 29th.

Happy Birthday babe!

what if

They say you have to get back on that horse, but seriously? Wow, this guy is crazy.

This guy is my hero, he's got the coolest job ever. If only my mother could see this now, all those times wondering and asking if my Lego building could ever amount to anything. OK, so it isn't me but it's just proof that it can be done. There are some really awesome pieces of art. I wouldn't mind seeing that exhibit.

I understand the reasons behind the policy, but to punish the student for that? I thought this country was beyond 'crimes of the father' mentality. Start handing out fines, put it to purchasing textbooks or something for the other kids.

As I read this article I wasn't surprised that it was a 'she' and when I got to the end I wasn't surprised either that she was 'old' either. Is that a bad thing? Not being surprised by those two facts?

Show me the law covering RUI, Riding Under the Influence, and I'll eat my shorts. And by riding I mean horseback riding.

Visit Rome for the sights and the history, stay for the pot that lingers in the air. You'd think that for something like this that Amsterdam would top the list...