Tuesday, April 22, 2008

the petting zoo

CNN. Well, it's news. I've come to rely on such Internet news sources. And no, I'm not talking about an over logging-on of the Internet. It's just that I got to CNN for news, albeit sometimes for funny news but news nonetheless. However, I do not go to CNN for apparel. No, I don't want a t-shirt with a "catchy" slogan like 'Hips Don't Lie' singer pushes education. - I just saw it on CNN.com...

And you think Iraq is bad? Ha! At least in Iraq you can shoot back. As if that would've helped the body count in Chicago. My question is, do you need an AK-47 to shoot up a plumbing store? Was the plumbing store the target? What did the plumbing store do to deserve to be targeted?

Wasn't making a political statement? Well, I suppose the meaning of the message is that we need to spend more money on education in South Carolina, especially Jonesville. I gotta wonder how many people actually attend the Jonesville Church of God with the population of Jonesville at 1,000. Perhaps it is the only church in Jonesville and everyone is God-fearing there. Well fear no more Jonesville! Your education funding is on the way!

I wish there was a stupidity law on the books. In a road rage incident, the person with the gun is supposed to shoot the other person. In this instance, he shot himself. Not that I want him to shoot someone else, but really, gun control means using both hands.

That must've been one big ass turkey or a puny 9 year-old. I'm gonna go ahead and call it, alcohol was a factor.

I never understood why there had to be compentency tests for these people. You wanna use the 'insanity' defense? Fine. Death. What? It's not like his 'compentent' enough to know what's going on. Just tell him you're taking him go see rabbits. That's right, I've read Of Mice and Men.

Stop. Hammer time. I was going to do the Entertainment Weekly version of this joke like: "Muslims want to replace Greenwich Mean-Time with Mecca Time. Meanwhile, MC Hammer petitioning for Pacific Time to be replaced with Hammer Time."

Friday, April 18, 2008

uh-oh

OK. I uncovered another pet peeve of mine. Well, I don't know if I'd call it a pet peeve, but I dislike those reports and articles that like to make statistics an odds thing. Like 1-in-4, or 1 out of every 3 Americans... Dude, I realize that the point is the scare people, but it just pisses me off. Especially when you're with some friends and it's something like, 1 out of 5 Americans have genital herpes. There you are with four other buddies, so you laugh because there's five of you and according to that theory, one of you have genital herpes. I know it isn't "true" because there could be a group of five that all have genital herpes so it throws off the curb.
How many times did I say genital herpes? 3? 4 times? Sweet. I was just wondering how many, there's no other meaning.
OK, so I saw this article that had that odds-schmodds right in the headline. 1 in 5 combat veterans have mental problems? I was thinking about all of the combat veterans I know in my unit and it's pretty true. There's like two of us out of 10 that seem to have diagnosable mental illnesses. Of course in a broader stroke "mental problems" can be attributed to nearly 90% of the service members I know. C'mon, we've all gotta be crazy to join or stay in.

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

expanding the idea

I dislike the notion of using obscure references especially when it comes to smell. Yes, I know most things have a distinct smell, whether or not someone can smell it though is a different issue. Still, this was brought on by Kreeesty and her smell comparison.

Now, in my life I have been exposed to many horrible smells and many nice ones. Yet, it is the horrible ones that I remember most vividly. I suppose that the description can just be a figure of speech, but I don't like it because it is imprecise. Looking at its structure, it is more like a simile. Comparing two unlike things. However, it is more likely to be a synesthetic metaphor whatever that is.

So we get to the scientific issue of the matter. To compare the two, we must have a basis of opinion on both. The only way to have an opinion is to have knowledge of it. In the case of smells, that means you have to of smelled both. Example: "Oh! That meatloaf smells like something from Michael's ass." You are currently smelling the meatloaf, that is implied in the sentence. Now, as far as 'something from Michael's ass,' you have to wonder why I am smelling things from Michael's ass.

OK, maybe not. Maybe you just take it at face value. I'm just dark and twisty like that. Just like the fact that I would actually spend the time researching it on the Internet. Trying to unravel the issue.

Saturday, April 12, 2008

i wasn't going to say anything

Remember back on Scrubs when Turk and Carla were trying to name their kid and they come up with Honor? For a girl? The rumor is Jessica Alba is considering Honor as the name for her kid.

"Did you get Honor?"
"I got Honor."
"Everyone got Honor."

That's just a terrible name for a girl. I mean it's a good sentimental choice, but unfortunately with today's lack of enunciation it becomes a bad name. It's not the same bad as "Apple" or some of the other celebrity kids' names but it's not good.


And it can't be Mildred either... that's the name of a blue-haired old lady in a nursing home.

Friday, April 11, 2008

unconventional party

Even though it is the role of the best man and I ain't it, I've devised a cool bachelor party. This is taking into account for the wishes of the groom and bride. Now I would've happily planned a "traditional" bachelor party involving strip clubs, bars, strippers, and possibly a fight but I was glad to try to put this together too.

We've got a campsite reservation, where we'll live like men. Starting fires, roasting big ol' piles of meat, hunt and gather our food. Yeah, plus the drinking and more drinking, it'd be fun. OK, so we won't be hunting our food but there'll be fishing. Drunk fishing. We'll bring the meat in a cooler, and we'll roast what we can. Sing songs, tell stories, just like it's portrayed on cave walls.

I did have an idea to make a trip to a wind tunnel so we can simulate skydiving. (Skydiving would be a little too dangerous that this point) The only problem was that the nearest one that I could find was about 3.5-4hrs away, plus for $30 you only get like 3 minutes in the tunnel. There's a bunch of prep time like equipment and training, but still it's not a lot for that long of a drive. Not quite worth the hassle.

Maybe instead of celebrating my birthday in November, I'll move it to July. A few years ago, I opted to have a fun birthday and took my friends to the go-cart track but because it was November (in Indiana) we had to go to an indoor facility. Last year we got to go cliff jumping, which was awesomely awesome. Outdoors-y stuff is so much more fun during the summer. I think I'll take my friends skydiving this year. It's pretty darn safe, I mean the first couple of times it's always a tandem jump. It's not like they just take you up and toss you a parachute telling you "Good luck! See you on the ground!" or something like that. Just remember to go to the bathroom before you go up in the plane. There's nothing worse than landing with a wet pair of pants strapped to another man's chest. OK, there's the chute not opening, but at which point you'll wet yourself anyway.

Tuesday, April 08, 2008

i don't know

PhotobucketNow I don't know for sure if I was ripped off, but I'm definitely suspicious. Maybe I'm just paranoid, but something just doesn't add up... Premium (93 octane) does cost a bit more but my car needs it. I know gas prices have risen in the past and sometimes drastically, but up to $32/gallon? Yesh.

It turns out that the printer at the pump was the source of the glitch. I checked inside to be sure, because I definitely have a problem paying $223.57 for 7 gallons of fuel. I really hope this isn't a snapshot of the future...

Thursday, April 03, 2008

maybe not the best name out there

OK. I was watching late night TV and I stumbled across a commercial for a new product called Oxegen AKG. I'm not sure what it's supposed to be. Some sort of dietary supplement or something. The webpage wasn't that helpful, nor was the TV commercial. The TV commercial probably explained it better, but I couldn't pay attention because I was laughing so much.

The actors or whoever in the commercial refer to the product as just Oxegen, which unfortunately is pronounced like "oxygen." They give their "personal experiences" with the product and how it helps in everyday life. It goes something like this, "I noticed a big difference in my workouts when I started using Oxegen." Which sounds like "I noticed a big difference in my workouts when I started using oxygen." Duh. "Oxegen gives me the boost I need to get through the day." Duh. As opposed to not using oxygen which would just mean you're dead.

Maybe that wasn't the best name for the product after all...

Wednesday, April 02, 2008

my story

I consider B one of my good friends. I've known him for almost 10 years now. I met him in college, we joined the same fraternity, and we promptly dropped out of college... Not promptly, but it wasn't long before some drinking activities began to interfere with studying. Despite my joining the military and him returning home, we kept in contact with each other. There wasn't a ton of communication between us, but enough to keep the friendship going.

So two years ago, we both moved to Indiana. I was coming from Cincinnati and B was coming from St. Louis. I even moved into the same apartment complex as B because it was cheap and at least I'd know someone around there.

I don't know when it was, but somehow we stopped talking to each other. To be more specific (from my perspective) he stopped talking to me. I never saw him. He was working up in Kokomo and his girlfriend was up there too. Which I didn't think was too weird, I even understood it. He eventually moved in with his girlfriend into a new place that was sort of midway between where they lived. What irked me was the fact that even though I was never seeing or talking to him, he kept in contact with other mutual friends. Now, I haven't had a job for almost a year. I'm thinking that I've got plenty of time, but nothing. I know I sound like a girl complaining about not hanging out with a friend, but it pissed me off. I just didn't like hearing about fun stuff being done without me, secondhand from mutual friends. I learned from W that he had proposed to his girlfriend. I learned from W that they were moving (again), not that I know where they live now or have any idea where they'll be living in the future. I learned from W when the wedding was. I was really feeling left out. Or as we say in the Army, "butt sore." Yeah, it's as gay as you think it is.

Honestly, we didn't start hanging out again until the skichair was built and tested. We're guys, that's what happens. We don't hang out unless there's a possibility of a story out of it.

Still haven't gotten an invitation to the wedding, but he has asked me to participate in it. W, M, and I have gotten registered as ministers, just in case they need officiants (is that a word or spelled right?) Plus, I'm trying to put together kick-ass bachelor party options (although that isn't my job). That's what friends do.

Tuesday, April 01, 2008

april fools

8 years ago I was waiting to go to basic training.

5 years ago I was on a plane to Kuwait to participate in Operation Iraqi Freedom.

2 days ago, the DOD announced a Change of Status in an Army soldier. Keith "Matt" Maupin's remains were identified. So many held out hope for his safe return, but with each passing day that hope grew shorter and shorter. I know this wasn't the answer his family was wishing for, but it must be better than wondering.

We Will Never Forget.