you got it

I'd say I'm disappointed but it's Canadian so it doesn't count. The only good thing out of Canada is the bacon. Damnit, why are all my imaginary celebrity girlfriends getting married? I mean, what's Ryan Reynolds got that I don't? Wait, I don't want to know the answer to that.

Hmm, I'd say he got what he deserved but he got off easy. Yay for no stupid laws that say you can't kill people in your home that want to molest kids. On a serious note, criminal confinement? Really? That's kidnapping, the reduced version of it but it's kidnapping.

Well, who steals someone's legs? Honestly? I don't think the guy left them someplace, but I dunno. Amputation due to diabetes?

You know you can always count on PETA to do something outrageous. I really don't think they're serious about it, rather saying it for the shock value. Yummy, PETA = People Eating Tasty Animals.

minimally exceptional

Uh, not the best screen-to-stage idea they've come up with recently. Well, I guess they could a screen-to-stage of "Naughty Nurses 4." Yeah, that would be a bad idea. It would probably make a lot of money, but get a lot of hate mail too.

Good to know. Farting = assault. OK, I know the letter of the law on what is consider "assault" but really? You want to set that kind of precedence?

Yes, I can see where an attack would be justified, however, I don't think the student was mentally ill but rather the mother. What the hell? Seriously? You think it's necessary to attack to old people for suggesting that the kid might not be right in the head? Yeah, that'll go over well. I mean, it's not like there are some mental illnesses that are genetics and this is not proof of that point.

That is odd. Not the 1.4 million gallons of water. Not the obscure reference to Ben Lomond High School swimming pool (because we ALL know how big their pool is). It's odd because the dude paid for it. It's impressive, but I can't comprehend it.

I'm not math genius, but I think the reward is less than the prime number they found. Wouldn't it be awesome if the reward was the same as the number found? Bahaha, that'd motivate me to find one. I figure it'll be something like 70 million digits or so.

Aw, that's so sweet. Stupid, but sweet. Nothing says "I love you" like buying your girlfriend breast implants. I wonder if it's job related, you know, something tax-deductible.

Here's an example of minimally exceptional.

Yowza!

it's all relativity

It's not supposed to do that is it? I mean, it's a chair with wheels. Not exactly combustible items. That would suck if there was someone in it at the time. Handicap man spontaneously combusts with wheelchair.

I'm going to assume some things. First, 12 years of school (elementary to high school) + 4 years of college + 4 years of medical school + 3-7 years residency. That's a lot of f**king schooling. So you'd think that someone with that much learning would come up with a solution better than ping-pong balls. I'd expect to see that on TV like MacGyver or something. OK, it's pretty f**king smart but I don't expect my doctors to have that kind of smarts.

You know, I really don't know what to say.

Here's my plan for Thursday. Don't bother me and I won't have to hurt you.

stuff doesn't always happen

It's a bit strange to say that "puberty" is consent and then turn around a call government agents a bunch of pervs for questioning girls. Accusing them of disrobing them and calling them devils. Hmm, methinks thou protests too much.

Boo! I like their old uniforms but whatever. People complain about those uniforms? Oh what grounds? It distracts from the game? Pfft. Let them eat cake! OK, seriously, I need to stop blogging after 2am, I'm not thinking straight and quoting randomly.

Call me old fashion, but isn't this false advertising? I mean, if I told people that I would "work for 8 hours" well then everyone would be correct to assume that I'd be working for 8 hours straight. Especially when the whole point is to work for 8 hours. So when Blaine says he'll hang upside down for 60 hours, well it's nothing specially if you break it up over a longer period of time. It's impressive and worthy of attention when it happens consecutively. I mean, I'll hang upside down for 60 hours. Oh, it's over the entire period of my life. Like that's impressive. I say hang him. Hang him upside down for 60 hours straight.

That doesn't sound good, from a medical standpoint. Although I can't really see this working really well.

Wait. What? As if a courtroom is the appropriate location for that. But you know, it's too absurd to be made up.

reach for it

Finally some justice. Not that it's a good thing for a 2-year old to shoot himself in the eye. Yeah, guns make bad boo boos. What the hell is the gun doing just on the nightstand? Seriously? There really needs to be anti-stupid parent laws to prevent things like this. When two people from the shallow-end of the gene pool have a baby, you don't end up with geniuses. Argh. And you know who ends up paying for it? The kid.

At least it wasn't sex. That would just be awkward. As a fat guy, I'd have to say I would be tempted by the offer, but would decline because there's no way to enforce the agreement. Yup, I'd be out of a sandwich. Sure I reach the same moral answer, but my method is different.

This is why I miss Texas. Anywhere else and the burglar would probably be pressing charges against the guy that shot him. Or the police would press charges. Uh, yeah, that is a good deterrent against crime when people shoot back.

That's restorative justice if you ask me. It doesn't solve all of the problems, but it's a start. He's Joe Dirt!

back to the old

I did not know that either. So now we've got to worry about the Bloods, Crips, and the Catholics. Damn, just when you thought it couldn't get any worse. I bet the top guy is "the Pope." The guys walking around with the black shirts and white collars, yup those are the handlers, let's call them "priests" but you can refer to them as "padres" or "fathers." I think it's funny, those gang members are smart, but if you really want to get away with gang symbols, pick something from the Islam. No one is going to touch that one or tell you to take it off. Representing Allah, and Mohammed is his prophet, yo.

Who'd win? A firefighter or police officer. It's not funny, I hope the guy pulls through but it is a little weird. Guns and Hoses? C'mon, that really just sounds like a gay bar. Or a gay strip club. I'm trying hard not to imagine it.

Here. That'll get your mind off gay strip clubs. OK. Well, you'd think that stabbing someone 666 times would pretty much dismember a person but what the hell huh?

Obviously it was the shooter's first time. You're on the lookout for an amateur gunman, professional dumbass. Really? You shot someone in the head and they lived? Yeah, that's attempted murder at the minimum. There's no defense lawyer that can make that situation any better.

something new

So I've realized that I've become very set in my ways. I've learned to live on a budget which isn't fun. OK, so it isn't really "learned" just a necessity since I'm on a fixed-income (geez, I sound old) but I'm doing OK. I could get a job, but then I wouldn't have time to do the stupid things I like to do.

What's the point of this rambling you ask? Well, last month I finally resolved the problem with the VA and my school. My school said that they sent in the paperwork, the VA said they don't have my record on file. That was all cleared up last month, good. I've been missing my GI Bill money since June, been living on a tight budget of my savings. Then a few weeks ago, something crazy happened.

Have you ever put on a jacket that you haven't worn in years? Reached into the pocket and pull out a $20 bill? You automatically think, "Oh! Free money!" Even though it was yours all along, but somehow you've managed to live without it all this time so it basically is free money? I'm not going to get into the exact figures, but let's just say that for the last year the VA has been paying me the wrong amount every month. It was only last month that they caught the error and made the correction. OK, fine, it was like a $500 a month difference.

So, I go to check my bank account online, thinking that I'd have just a few bucks when, BLAM! Like a shotgun, I get hit with this large figure of money in my account. Some people might thank their lucky stars, cash it, close the account; but I'm different I guess and I thought "Ah, crap. Someone made a mistake." This happened on a Saturday morning, so I had to look at it all day and then Sunday too. Calling up the VA first thing Monday morning was my priority. Now I know I sound stupid, but I was sorta mad at them and demanded to know why I had so much money in my account. Well, after about 30 minutes I got an explanation that satisfied my curiosity. It was a $20 bill in my jacket pocket.

The moral of the story is, what am I going to do with this free money? Yes, I'm saving some, but there are a few things that I do need to get. I've lived without them for so long that it has been my justification for not getting them. So far I've gotten some new power tools (for my crazy building ideas) and a new laptop & printer. Went to the Apple Store, got this Macbook. Using it now, in case you were wondering.

I figured that you might ask yourself why I'm typing on a Mac all of a sudden and how I got the money to buy it. Yup, $20 bill in my jacket. Lots of bills in my jacket. Lots of jackets with lots of bills in the pockets.

And if there are any cool/stupid ideas you have that I can do with some of this money, let me know. So far I'm planning an Appalachian Trail hike with some friends. I'm getting a lot of camping supplies.

it goes around

Just when you think that's it's cool to text. It reminded me of my class last Monday, where a group of people were justifying the legalization of marijuana. Instead of pointing out the moral and ethnical upside of legalization, they used points like "it's good" and "no one's ever died of it." Which would be fine, because I do agree with the fact that no one has died of marijuana. It's almost impossible to OD on it, but to say that it isn't a contributing factor in deaths is ridiculous. That's like saying no one dies in skydiving. Yes, it's true, no one really dies from skydiving; they usually die from the sudden stop at the end. The point is, a bunch of morons trying to defend the legalization is just stupid and it probably won't get much credit on the strength of their argument.

More false hope. When the headline says, "Van full of cheerleaders rolls over, 2 dead." You think that there are two dead cheerleaders. Nope. Instead, it's the two people in the car behind them that tried to avoid the accident that get killed. The moral of the story is: Don't slow down for cheerleaders.

Wow! I thought I was politically incorrect. Uh, yeah, I've got nothing.

Uh. I don't know what to say. Except maybe, where in the Constitution does it say a man can have sex with his comatose wife? I must've missed that day in class. No really, please point out where it says that.

still here

Well, it's been in the works for awhile and I was really excited by it. My buddy's gf mentioned the fact that the first test was today. I wonder what the data says, but it'll take months or years for them to publish all of that. What's totally awesome about this is the lead in the protest is a botanist. So we're still here. Yes, we don't know what would happen but it's science and is it any worse than the threat of nuclear war? Sure, we could all die and about 4 billion years there's an event that none of us will survive, so why worry about it? I'd have to say that the black hole idea wouldn't be bad, I mean there's a time dilation so you'd live forever (you'd live your life but the rest of the universe would continue on at its regular pace).

Super-size this. You'd think that after 36 years some of those receipts would be gone but OK, good for OCD. That's impressive, 23,000?

Hmm, I'm not saying that it isn't the parents' fault, but when it's happening in other places too? When it's few and far between like someone falling down the well, that's the parents fault but when it's happening everywhere else? Yeah, I think it's the shoes. What the hell are kids doing with soft sole shoes?

The poverty line is $1 a day? I'd hate to see a recession. Whew.

The 21st century version of the game Marco. Polo.