all-state

I see the All-State insurance commercial all the time. The one with Dennis Haysbert and the split camera rotation commercial.
"All season radial tires. Anti-lock brakes. Electronic stability power steering. We've made everything about the car safer. Except the driver."
Well Dennis (and All-State) you've hit the problem right on the head. Human error, like most things in this world most of our problems stem from us. Christy would agree. Printer problem? Um, have you tried plugging it in?
Remember, this is coming from the guy that can walk out of the apartment without pants! *cringe*
I understand that insurance companies don't want safe drivers, because then they wouldn't make as much money. Insurance premiums would go down, can't have that! So All-State is offering up to $500 off your deductible for every 6 months you don't have an accident.
Hmm, let's see, I started driving in 1996. I had two minor fender benders in my first year and since then I haven't had a car accident. OK, I had one incident in Kuwait in 2003 but there was a small dust storm and a concrete baracade that I didn't know about! That shouldn't count!
At least they're offering something to the good drivers. Right? Let's examine this further, back in 1996 when I got into an accident (I was still on my parents' plan then) my dad's premium went up $155. I don't know how long he had to keep paying it but I figure it was for quite some time cuz he bitched about it for a few years after it. So it's not like they're making that much money (in the grand scheme of things) from the good drivers. Bad drivers is where the money's at! That's never going to change unless there's better driver's ed courses and laws against using cell phones will operating vehicles (and other such distractions).

i want charles in charge

While surfing the Internet I came across a disturbing article. You might ask what could disturb a seasoned combat veteran? Well obviously I'm going to tell you otherwise I wouldn't have typed it. Show executives, in an effort to keep viewers, are going starting to forgo the traditional opening credits and theme songs. I realize that viewership is going down on the average, but it's tradition to flip to another channel when you see those opening credits roll. It's not the show's fault that viewership is down. It's the network's. Yes, those 40 seconds are so crucial! Let's forget about the fact that your typical 30-minute show is actually only 22 minutes of content (this is an average) and your 1-hour show is about 45-48 minutes of show. To improve this situation the network force 2-minute long commercial breaks every five minutes of show time. Wow! Just as the storyline gets good I have to take a two minute break, makes for suspense right? Or does it just serve to piss people off?
It's actually lots of little problems that make this thing a big issue.
1. Networks make money on tv spots. The better the show, the more money it costs to get your commercial in.
2. Assinine shows get good ratings.
3. Networks hire assinine writers to write assinine shows.
4. Assinine writers can't write 27 minutes of show every week, maybe can fill 20 minutes.
5. Network takes advantage of this and charge the same amount for spots but have more spots and make more money.
6. Network realizes that they could do the same to ALL programming, charge the same amount while expanding the amount of commercials.
7. Assinine show fails. Network realizes that they need to hire smart people to write assinine show.
8. Content quality increases but time allotted does not, producers forced to take from where they can, the show.
9. End credits scroll below during final scene. Opening credits cut to make more time for show content.
-> next step 10. Show ratings go up, network wants more slots and takes more time from the show.

I can just see it now, all of the writers and producers band together to make their own network and sell it over the Internet. The Internet becomes the new TV. Meanwhile, the networks in their attempt to regain their writers and producers make a brand new "CTV" or Commercial TV, commercials 24/7.
Also, what's been going on with Prime Time? Wasn't it back in the day 7-9pm Monday-Friday? Now it's 8-10pm? Is this an attempt to make it unappealing to the youth? Because it was usually adult-content programming after 9pm which was our bedtime and therefore didn't watch. Is that the same principle? Because it's retarded! The shows are marketed for the youth population! Now we've got 14 year-old boys and girls staying up to 10pm to watch The O.C. Yeah, that's just genius. And with the level of technology, you think they're going to wait to talk about it at school the next day or hop on the Internet afterwards or text message each other? So now they're staying up till midnight talking with each other. Brilliant! Here's another idea, to bolster attendance in schools, what if we handed out illegal drugs at class? I bet more kids would show up, granted I don't know how much they'll learn but they'll be there!
Grr, the focus of the whole country is askew.

read the fine print

Over the years I have enjoyed reading the fine print in TV commercials for various products. Of course the most noticeable are the ones that like to contradict themselves, state the obvious, or are just plain stupid.
I first started a few years ago with a Bayer commercial. The voice-over told us that if (Bayer) taken during a heart attack could prevent death. Wow! That's a miracle drug! Wait, but the tiny, tiny print at the bottom says that there's been no proof that if it was taken during a heart attack that Bayer could save a life. Which is it? Huh, that's scary.
Lipozene is a new product that has not received FDA approval but currently advertising. It is a weight-loss product. "In a University study 78% of the participants report weight-loss." OK, first off I haven't heard of a company called University, because if you read it, they capitalize it as I did which leads me to believe that it is the name of a testing company. Next, in the fine print area they actually tell us that the average weight loss was 3.86lbs. Let's round that up, so that's 4lbs. Really? That's it? I know that's an average so there's some that lost a lot of weight and some that didn't lose much or any at all or gained a few pounds. Hmm, interesting. Moving on now, one of the key selling points of Lipozene is that "you don't have to change your diet" and you could lose the weight. Unlikely. But at the bottom of the screen it says that "Diet and exercise are recommended." Again, what is the message? If I take Lipozene and just sit on my couch I could lose weight? Or if I go out, exercise and eat right I could lose weight? It didn't say that I had to take Lipozene AND diet and exercise I'll lose weight. Look, weight-loss is a simple formula. Input vs. Output. If you use more calories than what you put in, you're going to lose weight. Nothing new. I want to flip back to the beginning of the commercial, where the lady tells us the causes of weight gain and then she reassures the audience that "It's not your fault." Wait. WHAT? It's not MY fault that I'm fat? Yay! Apparently there's some sort of Fat Fairy that comes around every night and shoves Twinkees and Ho-Ho's down my throat while I sleep. If you believe that I have some prime beach front real estate to sell you at the bottom of the Pacific. Look, I'm fat because I'm lazy, I don't exercise, I eat badly, I smoke and drink, and I don't care! It's my fault. I don't blame anyone else.
Actually, I do care. I've always planned on getting back in shape (yes, I know round is a shape but that doesn't count!) and hopefully do something productive with my life. It's just there's no real motivation for me to lose this "insulation" just yet.

booyah!

Well, it's out. Last week Grey's Anatomy got a whooping 25.4 million viewers for their season premiere. Even though critics (and myself) were worried about the change to Thursday night, going up against CSI, last week proved the staying power of GA. Hopefully they'll be able to keep up the viewership but I'm not worried anymore.
OK, now everyone knows that I love TV. I watch the Super Bowl for the commercials, but I hate feminine hygiene commercials. I feel like an OB/GYN after them. Oh! This one has a super-absorbant layer with wings. Look, I don't know what the difference is, but apparently it's a huge deal! Now with a twisted braid? I don't care! This one gets rid of yeast infection in one day, versus the other leading brand that gets rid of it in three days. OK, that's too much information. I don't mind one or two commercials, but when you flood us with all those hygiene products.
Kill me now, please, if it will take all of those feminine hygiene products off the air.

football is everything

Yesterday I spoke about how stupid religion can get. Today, I wanted to continue on the subject of stupidity.
Last Sunday night I saw what was probably the greatest commercial of American stupidity. No, I'm not talking about the trailer for Jackass 2 although that is a great example of stupidity. No, I'm talking about the new Nike commercial, "Football is everything." Advertising should have some truth to it. Football is not everything. It's not even half of anything really.
Let's look at this realistically. Maybe half of the high school football players get a scholarship to go play college ball. If they pass their four or five years of college then maybe about 400 of them go to the pro draft, out of those 400 maybe 200 will make the cut to stay on a team for a number of years. Now let's say they can stay in the pro for six years, so they'll be almost 30 years old. What now? A BA doesn't get you anything. Go back to school to pick up your Master's? or maybe your Ph.D. yeah that's not very likely to happen.
So what about those high school football players that didn't get to go to college on a football scholarship? Maybe some of them go to college and become successful people that make lots of money, have families and leave their high school football glory where it should be left, in high school.
Football is a means to an end. It's just like the Army. The reserves or national guard to be more specific. Most of the people I know are using the Army as a means. You get paid to learn a job, then if you stay in long enough you eventually become a leader. The reserves and national guard pay 100% of your tuition needs, whereas active duty only pays 75%. Still, not too shabby.
Active duty vs. a bachelor's degree. A soldier has four years of job experience in a specific field, day in and out. A college graduate may have a few internships, maybe a semester long one and maybe he was in a club that gave them some more experience. A college graduate has spent the last four years learning. The soldier has only eat, breathe, and slept the job. There's upsides and downsides to it all. One has knowledge, the other has discipline. One has more job experience than the other.
No one single thing is everything, least of all football. Scrap that commercial Nike and think honesty. It is the best policy.