I wonder how many twins can actually say that they were born in different years? Although they were born 2 months premature, it's still sort of cool. I know there's got to be some cases where twins are born on different days, but different years is just cool. How about different months? And what's next? Different states? It's going to be a competition! Different countries! (i.e. giving birth to one in Canada, drive south to give birth in US.) Ha. That'd just be cool. One kid is a Canadian, the other American.
See? This is the news I like.
FYI, if you didn't know, posting a blog like this is not private. *gasp* Really? You mean other people have access to this fancy-doohicky called the inter-net? And they can read this? You mean other people can read letters, put them together to form words and those words form sentences and thoughts? You mean to tell me my personal MySpace page isn't private? Oh no! What am I to do? Oh yeah, not care. I know posting things on the Internet can actually be viewed by the public. Uh, that's why I do it. It's not like I'm doing this anonymously.
Updating adoption news. The Madonna controversy. Yes, she did not adhere to established laws. The cool thing is that this controversy has stirred up some free publicity for Malawi orphans. Which was the purpose of Madonna's original trip. Well played! OK what erks me (surprised?) is the nun that sent the dad $788 (approximately) and was quoted as saying that the boy would be better off staying Malawi. No one can make a comment like that and actually mean it can they? Not unless they're psychic and predict the future. Yeah, there's nothing that can substitute a loving parent, but love just isn't enough. Love doesn't make the hunger go away, love doesn't cure AIDS, love can't keep you warm at night. Love is great, but there's so much things he'd have access to. Medicine. Education. What if little David grew up to cure AIDS? Or at least made a difference in that field. Can you then say that he would've been better off in Malawi? Yeah it sounds more like the "wait and see" theory but I can't travel into the future (yet) nor can I observe two parallel universes simultaneously (yet).
From personal experience, I can tell you that my life would be drasatically different had I not been adopted. I wouldn't have had access to many of the things I did. Plus, I certainly wouldn't have had the same experiences. But even then, I can't say for certain that I'm better off because I'm adopted. I like who I am now and that's all that matters to me. Can't change the past (yet) but maybe I can do something about the future. Probably not, because I assume that's going to take some effort and that sounds like that'd cut into my TV viewing time.
Speaking of TV viewing. The Sarah Silverman Program. I've been waiting for this for like a year. I love her, she's hot for a Jew. The stuff that spews from this comedienne's mouth is just outrageous and her delivery is what sets her apart from others. Just think of my racist comments, beliefs and jokes, and put them in the body of a hot Jew. That's her! I laughed my ass off when I watched "Jesus is Magic." Although I'm predicting that this will be another one of Comedy Central's short lived shows, I plan to enjoy it. Oh, and in the movie "The Way of the Gun" her rant (7th from the top, 'Raving Bitch') is just classic.
Sarah Silverman (on religion and kids): "Who cares? Different religions. I guess the only time it's an issue I suppose would be if you're having a baby, you have to figure out how you want to raise your baby or whatever, which still would not be an issue for us. Because you know, we'd just be honest, and say "Mommy is one of the chosen people, and Daddy believes that Jesus is magic."
Showing posts with label lunch-time rant. Show all posts
Showing posts with label lunch-time rant. Show all posts
Tuesday, January 02, 2007
Wednesday, November 22, 2006
ah. crap to me.
Whilst browsing CNN.com I stumbled across an upcoming feature on autism, which sparked my interest in disorder. This made me want to google it (legally speaking I can't use 'google' as a verb). So I did, wanting to know specifically the symptoms. As I read through the list of symptoms I recalled stories told by my parents about my childhood and what I could remember from it.
1. Social interaction and relationships.
a) Significant problems developing nonverbal communication skills, such as eye-to-eye gazing, facial expressions, and body posture.
b) Failure to establish friendships with children the same age.
c) Lack of interest in sharing enjoyment, interests, or achievements with other people.
d) Lack of empathy. People with autism may have difficulty understanding another person's feelings, such as pain or sorrow.
Me: I guess just being socially awkward doesn't count. Yay! The count, 0-1.
2. Verbal and nonverbal communication.
a) Delay in, or lack of, learning to talk. As many as 50% of people with autism never speak.
b) Problems taking steps to start a conversation. Also, people with autism have difficulties continuing a conversation once it has begun.
c) Stereotyped and repetitive use of language. People with autism often repeat over and over a phrase they have heard previously (echolalia).
d) Difficulty understanding their listener's perspective. For example, a person with autism may not understand that someone is using humor. They may interpret the communication word for word and fail to catch the implied meaning.
Me: I remember a story my parents tell me, that I didn't speak until I was about 4 years old. Plus, I have a hard time starting a conversation with anyone, girls are especially hard. Most of my phrases and vocabulary come from tv shows that I watch. Same as when I was a kid. Does that count? I use sarcasm but can rarely tell if someone else is using it. Hence my 10 mile walk to the grocery store when I was 7 years old, causing everyone to panic when I went missing for a couple of hours. I would've made it too if given more time. The count: 1-1.
3. Limited interests in activities or play.
a) An unusual focus on pieces. Younger children with autism often focus on parts of toys, such as the wheels on a car, rather than playing with the entire toy.
b) Preoccupation with certain topics. Older children and adults are often fascinated by train schedules, weather patterns, or license plates.
c) A need for sameness and routines. For example, a child with autism may always need to eat bread before salad and insist on driving the same route every day to school.
d) Stereotyped behaviors. These include body rocking and hand flapping.
Me: I remember as a kid I used to focus attention to the wheels on my toy cars. It's cool because I didn't understand how they spinned, what kept them in place yet allowed the car to move. Now, I like license plates. For example, this morning I was behind a car from Ontario which I thought was cool. I'd never seen a license plate like that before. Sort of plain, but still cool. I love routine. When I was a kid I remembered going to my cousin Marcus' house and my mom used to take the same route every time (although there's not that much variation in routes in Hawaii), I used to be able to tell where we were by just what turns we were taking. Once though, she had to make a stop prior to going to my cousin's house and I wake up thinking that I was there, when I found out that we weren't I started crying for no reason. And what's wrong with flapping? The blood rushes in and out of your arms causing those tingly feelings. The count: 2-1.
I remember when I was younger that I would take toys that I wanted and go off and play by myself. I always thought it was the only-child syndrome. I didn't like to be bothered by nobody, working alone is preferred, that way I don't have to depend on anyone.
Nah, I can't be autistic can I? That'd be cool wouldn't it? If I turned out to be autistic or something? Ha! Get me one of those handicap placards. That would make it worth it.
1. Social interaction and relationships.
a) Significant problems developing nonverbal communication skills, such as eye-to-eye gazing, facial expressions, and body posture.
b) Failure to establish friendships with children the same age.
c) Lack of interest in sharing enjoyment, interests, or achievements with other people.
d) Lack of empathy. People with autism may have difficulty understanding another person's feelings, such as pain or sorrow.
Me: I guess just being socially awkward doesn't count. Yay! The count, 0-1.
2. Verbal and nonverbal communication.
a) Delay in, or lack of, learning to talk. As many as 50% of people with autism never speak.
b) Problems taking steps to start a conversation. Also, people with autism have difficulties continuing a conversation once it has begun.
c) Stereotyped and repetitive use of language. People with autism often repeat over and over a phrase they have heard previously (echolalia).
d) Difficulty understanding their listener's perspective. For example, a person with autism may not understand that someone is using humor. They may interpret the communication word for word and fail to catch the implied meaning.
Me: I remember a story my parents tell me, that I didn't speak until I was about 4 years old. Plus, I have a hard time starting a conversation with anyone, girls are especially hard. Most of my phrases and vocabulary come from tv shows that I watch. Same as when I was a kid. Does that count? I use sarcasm but can rarely tell if someone else is using it. Hence my 10 mile walk to the grocery store when I was 7 years old, causing everyone to panic when I went missing for a couple of hours. I would've made it too if given more time. The count: 1-1.
3. Limited interests in activities or play.
a) An unusual focus on pieces. Younger children with autism often focus on parts of toys, such as the wheels on a car, rather than playing with the entire toy.
b) Preoccupation with certain topics. Older children and adults are often fascinated by train schedules, weather patterns, or license plates.
c) A need for sameness and routines. For example, a child with autism may always need to eat bread before salad and insist on driving the same route every day to school.
d) Stereotyped behaviors. These include body rocking and hand flapping.
Me: I remember as a kid I used to focus attention to the wheels on my toy cars. It's cool because I didn't understand how they spinned, what kept them in place yet allowed the car to move. Now, I like license plates. For example, this morning I was behind a car from Ontario which I thought was cool. I'd never seen a license plate like that before. Sort of plain, but still cool. I love routine. When I was a kid I remembered going to my cousin Marcus' house and my mom used to take the same route every time (although there's not that much variation in routes in Hawaii), I used to be able to tell where we were by just what turns we were taking. Once though, she had to make a stop prior to going to my cousin's house and I wake up thinking that I was there, when I found out that we weren't I started crying for no reason. And what's wrong with flapping? The blood rushes in and out of your arms causing those tingly feelings. The count: 2-1.
I remember when I was younger that I would take toys that I wanted and go off and play by myself. I always thought it was the only-child syndrome. I didn't like to be bothered by nobody, working alone is preferred, that way I don't have to depend on anyone.
Nah, I can't be autistic can I? That'd be cool wouldn't it? If I turned out to be autistic or something? Ha! Get me one of those handicap placards. That would make it worth it.
Tuesday, November 21, 2006
unknown.
Well, let's start off with I called the guy back. He answered, he was sober and he hung up on me. Bastard. I'll wait till later to give him a call back. This should be more interesting. Maybe I'll claim to have him mom.
In other news, three students are dead the results of a bus crash in Alabama. Now it's never cool to have children die. Apparently there was a car involved too. The driver was a fellow student, the teen says that 'something went wrong' with the car that caused it to veer into bus' lane and caused the bus to ride along the concrete side before falling over.
There's so many things wrong with that, so many things that could've been done to minimize the damage. But as they say, hindsight is 20/20. I'll break it down.
1. The driver of the Celica was 17 years old. Probably has the average driving experience of a 17 year old. That's where better drivers' ed comes into play. I've been through the defensive/offensive driving courses. You learn cool techniques on how to disable a vehicle you're following or one that's following you. How to evade a car, S-turns, J-turns and U-turns.
2. The driver of the bus veered away from the Celica. That's basic instincts, but the classes above teach you to do the opposite. Me, I veer towards them. It's all about control. Plus, when driving a mass transit vehicle your responsibility falls to the others in your vehicle. I'd rather be charged with one count of involuntary vehicular manslaughter than 3 counts of involuntary manslaughter. That's just me.
3. The story provided by the teen is flimsy at best. He/She probably doesn't want to admit to goofing off or showboating as the cause of the accident. Something went wrong, yeah you were trying to cut off a bus but lacked the necessary skills to do it. Great, now three people are dead and fifteen are in the hospital.
Again, hindsight is 20/20. I can't say for sure that I'd do anything different but I can say that I have been taught differently. I know the limitations of myself and my vehicle. If it came down to saving 20 lives (plus myself) and killing one, or killing an unknown amount and saving one, I'd have to say killing one is an acceptable loss.
In other news, three students are dead the results of a bus crash in Alabama. Now it's never cool to have children die. Apparently there was a car involved too. The driver was a fellow student, the teen says that 'something went wrong' with the car that caused it to veer into bus' lane and caused the bus to ride along the concrete side before falling over.
There's so many things wrong with that, so many things that could've been done to minimize the damage. But as they say, hindsight is 20/20. I'll break it down.
1. The driver of the Celica was 17 years old. Probably has the average driving experience of a 17 year old. That's where better drivers' ed comes into play. I've been through the defensive/offensive driving courses. You learn cool techniques on how to disable a vehicle you're following or one that's following you. How to evade a car, S-turns, J-turns and U-turns.
2. The driver of the bus veered away from the Celica. That's basic instincts, but the classes above teach you to do the opposite. Me, I veer towards them. It's all about control. Plus, when driving a mass transit vehicle your responsibility falls to the others in your vehicle. I'd rather be charged with one count of involuntary vehicular manslaughter than 3 counts of involuntary manslaughter. That's just me.
3. The story provided by the teen is flimsy at best. He/She probably doesn't want to admit to goofing off or showboating as the cause of the accident. Something went wrong, yeah you were trying to cut off a bus but lacked the necessary skills to do it. Great, now three people are dead and fifteen are in the hospital.
Again, hindsight is 20/20. I can't say for sure that I'd do anything different but I can say that I have been taught differently. I know the limitations of myself and my vehicle. If it came down to saving 20 lives (plus myself) and killing one, or killing an unknown amount and saving one, I'd have to say killing one is an acceptable loss.
Monday, November 20, 2006
caroline's
Probably at the top of the list of places not to start a stand up career? Iraq. Here's why. Talk about a tough crowd...
People in Iraq are killing comedians, here at home though we're worried about drunk driving. MADD wants new hi-tech gadgets installed into all drunk driving offenders' vehicles that breath-tester interlock thingie. Yeah, my solution, fill up prior to visiting bar and leave car running while I drink. Drunk driving is a problem, but the real problem is old people behind the wheel. In a recent discussion with friends, I had devised a plan new driver's test. More complex than the current one but would cost millions to implement and maintain. The basic premise is put cars into more select classes, rated by visibility, manueverability, and handling, then test people individually to place them in certain categories before even testing them in a car. Obviously, grandpa with a heart condition and blind in one eye should not be out driving a 700-hp Dodge Viper, even if he can afford it.
Terrorists or U.S. immigrant officials. You decide. Apparently others have decided that our immigrant officials are more hostile than terrorists. Huh. We're the most unfriendly country (to get in) and then you just have to worry about old people driving through the marketplace and hitting you. As opposed to places like Iraq where they just kidnap you, then videotape your beheading to send to your family. Yup. I guess though, if you're more afraid of immigrant officials than terrorists they must be doing something right.
Good job America! Your order of priorities hasn't shifted.
People in Iraq are killing comedians, here at home though we're worried about drunk driving. MADD wants new hi-tech gadgets installed into all drunk driving offenders' vehicles that breath-tester interlock thingie. Yeah, my solution, fill up prior to visiting bar and leave car running while I drink. Drunk driving is a problem, but the real problem is old people behind the wheel. In a recent discussion with friends, I had devised a plan new driver's test. More complex than the current one but would cost millions to implement and maintain. The basic premise is put cars into more select classes, rated by visibility, manueverability, and handling, then test people individually to place them in certain categories before even testing them in a car. Obviously, grandpa with a heart condition and blind in one eye should not be out driving a 700-hp Dodge Viper, even if he can afford it.
Terrorists or U.S. immigrant officials. You decide. Apparently others have decided that our immigrant officials are more hostile than terrorists. Huh. We're the most unfriendly country (to get in) and then you just have to worry about old people driving through the marketplace and hitting you. As opposed to places like Iraq where they just kidnap you, then videotape your beheading to send to your family. Yup. I guess though, if you're more afraid of immigrant officials than terrorists they must be doing something right.
Good job America! Your order of priorities hasn't shifted.
Monday, November 13, 2006
the truth
I read this article and it reminded me of the bum from "Don't Be A Menace To South Central While Drinkin' Your Juice In the Hood." The 'bum' is holding a cardboard sign with the words, "Fuck it, I ain't gonna lie. I'm just lazy." After getting some change he pulls off his rags, revealing a three-piece suit and puts his stuff in the BMW parked in front of him.
The manatee ain't stupid, just lazy. Propeller blades approaching? Eh...
This is my kind of animal. I admire laziness, people relate laziness to stupidity. Which is wrong. I'm not that stupid. In fact, I can calculate the odds between my theortical action versus results and select the appropriate course of action (or lack thereof). Also, it takes a lot of energy to not do something; not as much as doing it but a lot more energy than one thinks. "Should I get up and clean? Well, the vacuum cleaner is all the way on the other side of the room. Plus, there's so much more to do before I vacuum, like wash dishes. If I wash dishes though, I want to eat so that I can fill up the dishwasher and not have to do two loads. OK, but what do I want to eat? Is it in stock or do I have to go to store? Store? No problem, I'll make a mental grocery list, now what do I need?" - Lots of energy taken up there, but what you see is me lying on the couch not doing anything.
The manatee ain't stupid, just lazy. Propeller blades approaching? Eh...
This is my kind of animal. I admire laziness, people relate laziness to stupidity. Which is wrong. I'm not that stupid. In fact, I can calculate the odds between my theortical action versus results and select the appropriate course of action (or lack thereof). Also, it takes a lot of energy to not do something; not as much as doing it but a lot more energy than one thinks. "Should I get up and clean? Well, the vacuum cleaner is all the way on the other side of the room. Plus, there's so much more to do before I vacuum, like wash dishes. If I wash dishes though, I want to eat so that I can fill up the dishwasher and not have to do two loads. OK, but what do I want to eat? Is it in stock or do I have to go to store? Store? No problem, I'll make a mental grocery list, now what do I need?" - Lots of energy taken up there, but what you see is me lying on the couch not doing anything.
Tuesday, October 31, 2006
i love the rain
The rain. I love to watch people scurry around, thinking that if they run maybe they'll get less wet. Or people that hunch over to protect themselves as if it was acid rain instead. Then there's the people that act like it's the end of the world! *gasp* Even though according to Revelations, the Earth will be cleansed in fire and not water. So as long as it's falling from the sky, the world's not ending.
I think I'll blame this on the Army. "If it ain't raining, we ain't training." I got used to the rain over the span of my military career. I swear, ever time (EVER TIME) we went out to the 'field' to train it'd rain. It didn't matter if it was summer or winter, at some point whether it was driving out there, driving back, setting up or tearing down, it ALWAYS RAINED. We'd get all muddy, then there was always the fighting. We used to think that they scheduled training around the weather. "Oh, it's not raining this weekend? Let them go out. But it's going to rain at 3am on Monday? Sounds like a good time to roll out to the field." So it was that.
In Iraq I had a lot worse fall around me than rain. Look people, it's just water falling from the sky.
Plus, in the last six rain days I've only used my windshield wipers twice. Got to love that Rainex. Last night Stacy got washed, another coat of Rainex, her wheels polished and a wax with the buffer. Yes, I spoil her. *sigh* I need a girlfriend.
I think I'll blame this on the Army. "If it ain't raining, we ain't training." I got used to the rain over the span of my military career. I swear, ever time (EVER TIME) we went out to the 'field' to train it'd rain. It didn't matter if it was summer or winter, at some point whether it was driving out there, driving back, setting up or tearing down, it ALWAYS RAINED. We'd get all muddy, then there was always the fighting. We used to think that they scheduled training around the weather. "Oh, it's not raining this weekend? Let them go out. But it's going to rain at 3am on Monday? Sounds like a good time to roll out to the field." So it was that.
In Iraq I had a lot worse fall around me than rain. Look people, it's just water falling from the sky.
Plus, in the last six rain days I've only used my windshield wipers twice. Got to love that Rainex. Last night Stacy got washed, another coat of Rainex, her wheels polished and a wax with the buffer. Yes, I spoil her. *sigh* I need a girlfriend.
Wednesday, September 20, 2006
The Vegan Conspiracy
Salad is bad for you. According to this news report, two children tested positive for E. coli after eating spinach. The bad spinach resulted in the recall of spring salad mixes and other products that may contain the tainted spinach.
Ha! I wish I had access to these kinds of reports when I was a kid. Of course it wouldn't do me any good because my mom would still make me eat my greens.
"You better eat your salad."
"No thank-you, I don't want E. coli."
"Too bad. Eat your salad."
"OK, but if I get E. coli you'll regret it."
That's how the conversation would've went. My mom always wins, I don't think I ever won a single argument against her. Nothing bad ever happened to me (that I can remember) but it could've happened!
I think the beef PACs convinced the government to taint the spinach as a test run to wipe out the vegan community. Well, the vegan and the PETA folks.
Ha! I wish I had access to these kinds of reports when I was a kid. Of course it wouldn't do me any good because my mom would still make me eat my greens.
"You better eat your salad."
"No thank-you, I don't want E. coli."
"Too bad. Eat your salad."
"OK, but if I get E. coli you'll regret it."
That's how the conversation would've went. My mom always wins, I don't think I ever won a single argument against her. Nothing bad ever happened to me (that I can remember) but it could've happened!
I think the beef PACs convinced the government to taint the spinach as a test run to wipe out the vegan community. Well, the vegan and the PETA folks.
Tuesday, September 12, 2006
Type D Personality
Are you a Type D Personality? The Dutch, meaning from The Netherlands, have concluded that there is a third personality type. One that experiences hostility, anger, depressed mood, anxiety, and a negative view about themselves; which usually leads to them being tense, insecure, and uncomfortable in social situations. Wow, that's a lot.
These Type D people are more prone to cardiac failures. So, thinking that I'm a big, ugly fattie that makes me awkward in a social environment is going to lead me to a heart attack? Not that fact that I tend not to care how many calories from fat something has as long as it tastes good and is relatively cheap I eat? Whew, that's a load off my mind.
All I have to say is, "Seriously, what were you smoking when you came up with that theory?"
These Type D people are more prone to cardiac failures. So, thinking that I'm a big, ugly fattie that makes me awkward in a social environment is going to lead me to a heart attack? Not that fact that I tend not to care how many calories from fat something has as long as it tastes good and is relatively cheap I eat? Whew, that's a load off my mind.
All I have to say is, "Seriously, what were you smoking when you came up with that theory?"
Monday, August 28, 2006
gone.
After my post ($544M Down The Drain) of employees' wasted time on the corporate dime, one of my favorite websites, Office Pirates, closed down. Coincidence? Conspiracy more like it! The government's out to get me! I got my tin-foil hat on so that the Man can't scan my thoughts with their ultra-secret satellites in geo-synchronize orbit.
I liked Office Pirates, it was my daily dose of news comedy. Like the Daily Show with Jon Stewart, only funny. There were jokes (updated daily), a section from the viewers about stupid stuff they spot, women walking around at lunchtime, and even an angry rant page! Pictures, wallpapers, and cards were available and videos for your viewing laughter. Advice and disses were given out freely and equally.
Now what am I going to do throughout the day that's semi-informative and usually funny? Damn you economy! I'm going to miss you Office Pirates!
I liked Office Pirates, it was my daily dose of news comedy. Like the Daily Show with Jon Stewart, only funny. There were jokes (updated daily), a section from the viewers about stupid stuff they spot, women walking around at lunchtime, and even an angry rant page! Pictures, wallpapers, and cards were available and videos for your viewing laughter. Advice and disses were given out freely and equally.
Now what am I going to do throughout the day that's semi-informative and usually funny? Damn you economy! I'm going to miss you Office Pirates!
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