excuses, excuses

Well, there's one reason not to shower. Although, you gotta admit that shower would definitely wake you up in the morning. Bizzit. Me, I would've worked around it. Grounded myself or maybe put up a sign that said it was an electrocution shower. Problem temporarily resolved.

Ha. More excuses. I'm lazy because of genetics. Yup, that's the answer to everything. Genetics. Serial killer? Genetics. Lazy? Genetics. Fat? Genetics.

That has got to be weirdest "prostitution" ring ever. I don't understand how that works, but whatever, pregnant chicks gotta make money too.

I would have been perfect for this job. And it's $10/hr.

don't believe it

I just don't believe it. Well, not that the hostage would commit suicide but the whole ordeal. I mean, the other hostages commented on the fact that they were not doing well, physically or psychologically. So what's this about Jason surprising the people taking care of him? There were people taking care of them? I just know I'd be a terrible hostage, pleading with my government to nuking the whole damn country.

That'd be the best excuse for being late to work. Whale carcass. I'm curious though, I never knew that vehicles had ethnicities. What makes it a "Hawaiian" truck? Seriously.

Bahahaha. Another story of another moron. Although to be honest, I blog about these things too. Hmm. I may want to rethink this whole thing. Oh well, 22 days to go.

one day

OH NO! Goose is dead. Again. That sucks. Navy Fighter Weapons School. The pilots call it "Top Gun." You know that they were contemplating doing a sequel?

There's no money in selling gas? So that billion dollar industry is what? A not-for-profit agency? Maybe they smell the age of the alternative fuels coming and want to get out of that business. Although I have no idea what they are going to do. I guess there's a lot of money from petroleum-based products. Those hybrid cars still use tires to roll around on, gotta love the money in that.

5 years? That's it? For the guy that plotted to kill a bunch of people at the Super Bowl? That's it? Oh, he's not a bad kid. I could understand five years for plotting, but the fact that was he was caught in the parking lot with a rifle and a lot of bullets. It wasn't like he was just on MySpace talking about it, he was IN THE PARKING LOT! OK, maybe it's a bit harsh I dunno. His defense was that he snapped? I can see how not getting a liquor license requires the shedding of innocent blood, but how is 200 rounds going to accomplish that? I mean, unless he's a pro or he's got plenty of ammo it can't be done. "Drunkenstein"? That's got to be worse villian name ever.

Holy cow! Those are some thunder thighs. I'm not making fun of her or her condition. Just the thighs. Dang...

make money

It started with a discussion about Oxegen AKG. Basically, the commercial and how silly it sounded. Then, I wondered about other products out there and maybe something I could do to cash in on the stupidity of others. You know, like the Pet Rock or something equally ingenious.
I found this gem, but the actual product website may be harmful to your computer. I want one, or I want to give this gift to family and friends. I checked it out on Amazon.com and I was amazed at the product features. It takes a 9volt battery!
If you read the comments left by others, it's actually pretty funny. I just want to know how many are actually out there floating around in people's living rooms. You gotta love people that have ideas like this.

reflex

As if life wasn't bad enough. Can you imagine getting robbed by twin, gay pornstar brothers? Well, that answers one question. Another one I've wondered about is where do midgets come from? From here apparently.

Whew. For a minute I was scared. I'm glad she's just having one baby. OK, more scared than I was before. I mean, at first she was pregnant and that ruined my chances. Then she got engaged and I thought "Oh, Crap!" So last week when I heard that she was rumored to be having twins I thought, "Well, that's just great." {sarcastic tone}

Win a date. I'd like to win the one with Scarlett. What? I'm superficial. I'm sure it's a worthy cause and all, but I stopped paying attention after, "Win a 'Special' Night With Scarlett Johansson." I did see the "click here to bid" though.

Ah, the dark side of the movie "Waiting." That's hilarious though, but I doubt it's going to keep cooks and servers from mistreating bad customers.

It's only funny because we were learning in class the rules for intiating a car pursuit and what circumstances to continue them. I can't believe he tried to run over a police officer.

This just raises more questions than it answers. 1. What was a lieutenant doing tasering a cow? 2. Why did he video tape it? 3. Why would you show it?
I can only think that he thought it would make a good training video.

my strangest fear

I don't know if you can use strange and fear in the same sentence. Oh well, so I have acrophobia. I'm acrophobic. I have an abnormal fear of heights. I don't know if it's abnormal or not. And it's not about the height, but rather the sudden stop at the end that I'm afraid of. That's right, I'm man enough to say it. What makes it strange is that I've rappelled off of 200ft cliffs, cliff-jumped into lakes, rock climbing, and lots of other stuff involving heights yet I'm still scared until I've done it. Then, it can reappear all of a sudden without warning and I'll be scared to jump off the same cliff I've been jump off of for the last hour.
If that doesn't sound strange here's something too. Lately I've been playing my Lego Star Wars II: The Original Trilogy game. There's a couple of levels that involve heights (within the game) and there's ledges, no railing. I get nervous playing the game, almost like I get nervous jumping off of cliffs. It's not the exact same, rather just a less intense feeling, but I get that feeling playing a game with heights. You've got to admit that's strange, because I've got the cheat codes for invincibility and it's a kid's game so it's not like its the end of the game if my character falls over.

Did any of that make sense?

chokin'

You've heard of them but rarely do you see them in print. We've had several discussions in my many criminal justice classes about these dumb laws. Now some of them make sense. I mean, in Florida it is illegal to have sexual relations with a porcupine. Makes sense doesn't it? I don't think it needs to be a law, but it is logical. What I wonder about it how these laws come about... is it because someone does it but since it isn't in the law books it isn't illegal, so lawmakers put it on the books? Or are people electing jokesters that put these laws in? Just find out how many "laws" you've been breaking. I've broken 14 "laws" in Indiana so far.

I'm less scared of a "Pinky & The Brain" situation than I am of just the fact that people are messing around with fear. That's not cool. Fear has been the best defense mechanism for hundreds of thousands of years. The mouse that doesn't run from the cat doesn't live long enough to have more mice. Same with humans.

Oh my God! It's eating the shuttle!

I don't know exactly how glowing kitties are supposed to help cure disease but I'm up for anything.

I see the logical in their argument but I would take it one step further and blame the lawmakers that made it illegal to consume those drugs in the first place. I mean, it's not like the police are out there just enforcing whatever they want, no, they're enforcing laws that are passed by legislation. Yeah! Sue lawmakers! It's not illegal right?

And the Top 100 Sexiest Movie Stars are... well, I won't go there, but I'll tell you this...
Jessica Alba is #4. Natalie Portman is #2. And the #1 sexiest movie star is... Angelina Jolie. Find out where your favorites are.

=)

Huh. Learning something new. France does not extradite French citizens. Good to know. You know, if I decide to become a criminal.

He's the same f**king guy. Ugh. Calling him Allah doesn't change anything. ooOOoo, it's what the Muslims call Him. Yahweh... God. Whatever, I call Him by His given name, Petey. We're close, that's why. Do I think it should be mandated by the church. No. Nothing should, but we don't live in a good world.

Hahaha. This is something I think I'd do. It sounds like something I'd do. Like, "Hey, did you hear that Daniel paid in full for his car? In a coins?" See how naturally it seems to fit? Here's the video (of the guy, not me).



I'm still looking for the TV ad for some sort of new drug for RLS, that one of the side-effects was 'gambling.' Maybe I was just tired, but it seemed worthy of further investigation.

duty

Yeah, that's the answer. More guns, yup. And concealed ones at that. How about machine guns? That'll even out the odds, so when they start shooting even if you hesitate for a second, after that you're all caught up. Oh, I know, how about suicide vests? Yeah, that'll do. And some grenades too. Ugh.

So just the fact that he made him run a marathon wasn't torture? What 4 or 6 year-old wants to run a marathon? When I was that young all I wanted to do was play with my toys. And I'm happy to report that after two decades I am living the dream! Woo! Jobs suck!

Hahahaha. What kind of moron actually believes that? Look, if you're dumb enough to fall for that then guess what? You need to be a hostage. Some nubian princess is going to marry an Aussie farmer? Whew, it must be love. The love you see in movies, in real life it's a warlord that wants the hostages to send themselves. I gotta give props to the guy that came up with that scheme. Doesn't it sound like one of those half-baked ideas that you come up with at the very last minute when you're on a deadline? Dead being the operative word here. But anyway, you never think it's going to work but it does? Ha. Good for that guy, I hope he gets a promotion or whatever it is those people get.

Wow, that's stating the obvious. Is that really newsworthy? Don't get me wrong, I agree with the idea of self-defense but it doesn't make it newsworthy. A real newsworthy story would be like 'Women Learn to Fight Back in Pottery Class' or something wildly similar.

But wait, wasn't it fake? They don't have a case if it's fake cocaine. Can't be arrested for something like that. Although I guess you'd have to be smoking a big rock to call the police about some bad drugs.

Yeah, he could've lost his hat. Don't want that. It's always funny what people will do for things like that.

It's illegal in Oregon to have body armor if you're a convicted felon? That doesn't make much sense.

Point made but who finds it offensive? Serial killers? Ugh. Damn Brits. That's just like white people getting offended by black people using the N-word.

OD'ing on coffee. That's got to be a first. Or not. She's not very smart in the brain is she?

don't throw it away

The jury is still out on the bulletproof backpack. Although I might just pick one up for myself if they're big enough. Funny that "protecting" our kids is MJ. Michael Jackson. OK, fine, I'm going to ask my dad to raise my allowance so I can get one of these bad boys.

You sow what you reap. I can't feel sorry for the people injured, except the kids that may have been forced to go because their parents come from the shallow end of the gene pool.

Frick! Damn Nazis, they went back in time and killed a bunch of dinosaurs. Probably forced them to dig their graves and then shot them! I was thinking seriously though, wouldn't the any mass dinosaur grave site have oil? So that'd make the Middle East the "biggest" mass grave? Which we could then blame the Muslims? Are you following me? Tricky bastards.

Maybe the smartest guy. Or could be that the heat just finally got to him. $1200 to fix an AC unit? What the hell? You can REPLACE one for cheaper. Again, that's mostly all labor. You gotta check for leaks which is just time consuming but you can fix an AC unit for about the price it takes to put a conventional AC on your roof. I just can't believe that the battery actually runs the AC unit. Whew.

Indiana having more stupid fun, the Michael Jackson type. So a lawsuit probably in the millions, plus losing your job, is worth $140 to you? Good math, people. Must be the same people that do Wesley Snipes' taxes.

I guess I can see the stoner logic behind the arguments. Pot can help national security... you come up with some wicked ideas when your baked, of course the terrorists would just waltz on by while you're stoned but at least you have your ideas. Or are they talking about the paranoia associated with it? Maybe the paranoia is only associated with it because of the legal status which would disappear when legalized. $10 billion? That's a lot of dime-bags. Bigger than porn. Pot is bigger than porn? Study must've been conducted by a stoner. And how does one go about gathering such information? Going to dealers and ask them how much they make? Like these are the most honest people.

I say crack was involved. If you're mentally capable of discerning that you and your "wife" have mentally problems, they're not that bad. Didn't seem to retarded to get married either. Or retarded enough to have a kid. Although I admit that $1000 ain't that much for a kid. You know a healthy kid can go for upwards of $200,000 on the black market? Huh, maybe they are retarded.

above and beyond

Probably the funniest thing I've ever heard in my entire life. Bobby Brown fears his life is in danger from Osama Bin Laden? Because Osama wants to marry Whitney Houston... Aren't they divorced? So what's the problem? She'll take him back? She's going to take back a wife-beater? See kids, don't do drugs. You'll become paranoid and thought as crazy by everyone else in the sane world. As if Osama felt threatened by Bobby Brown. Well, I haven't read anything about how Whitney feels about Osama's supposed infatuation.
It's stuff like this that gets me up in the morning. What the hell is wrong with Bobby Brown?

disco duck

Is it just me or is the media getting desperate by covering underage felonies. Now by underage I don't that the felonies are underage but those committing them. Here, look at this. You'd think they'd tell you that when you deactivate the phone. I understand the precaution, you know in an emergency even if your phone is deactivated (for whatever reason) you can still call 9-1-1. That's smart. I just hope they throw the book at the 4 year-old.

Just more proof that girls can't drive. Especially underage girls. Especially underage drunk girls. An 8 mile chase? At speeds exceeded 100mph? You realize that this "chase" was maybe 5-6 minutes long? Whew. Her excuse? She was on her way to pick up her sister at a concert. Not the most outrageous thing though. Her blood alcohol level was above .02 which was the legal limit for minors. So wait, let me get this straight there's isn't a zero policy for underage drinking? There's a "legal" limit for underage drinking which is illegal. Weird.

Let's see if I get this right, because the state of Massachusetts is pushing their Secular Humanism homosexual agenda this guy doesn't pass the bar exam? Oh, it violated his First Amendment right... I'm assuming that it violates his right to his free exercise of religion correct? OK, moving on, as a law student he had to understand that the Fourteenth Amendment has been curbing state's power in establishing laws based on religion (The First Amendment) right? And as a schooled individual he knows that secular means 'free of religion' right?
So let's go beyond the religious argument, he wants to be a lawyer right? You think that some day, someone might want a lawyer concerning the matter of gay marriage and maybe it's legality? Oh, and there's no question about abortions? *gasp* Has there been? Could be that this year's bar exam didn't have an abortion question. But being a religious zealot he probably wouldn't have answered that question either, thus still not passing the bar.
Sorry I had to throw that in there, but going beyond religion and law let's just look at the facts. He didn't answer a question. He needed a 270 but instead got a 268 or something. Thus he failed. You should've answered the question huh?
I have never heard of a test violating someone's rights. Still, good luck with that there lawyer-wannabe. I'm going to try it on my next test.

My question, only 14-to-1 odds?

worthy of breaking in regular schedule programming

What? Wait, so let me get this straight. Sticks and stones will break your bones but words can give you cancer? Well, not that clear cut but damn. I could understand if maybe racial discrimination plays a factor in the detection of breast cancer but as far as getting breast cancer? Wow. I thought Isaiah Washington was reaching but...
I really don't know what to say so I have to ask, "what are you smoking?" How did you reach this crazy conclusion? You could blame anything on that kind of research. ooOOoo, racial discrimination gave me bunyons.

Maybe I should be less racist. Nah, it'd be cool to give someone cancer from it.

the roof, the roof, the roof is on fire

We don't need no water let the mother****er burn. Nah, water is a good thing. So why am I mentioning this? It's not funny, there's no humor to be found here. Well, it's because it happened in my apartment complex (Mohawk Hills), just two buildings down from my place. Plus, I caught most of the show. I was driving home at 9:45pm and saw the fire as it was just starting. I couldn't get by so I ended up backing up and parking it. Still, what's the point of a big fire if you can't share it with friends? So I called some friends but only got ahold of Wes and he came over. We went back to my place really quick to grab some soda and some chairs, we were planning on catching the whole show.
So it was a 2-alarm fire, three fire trucks showed up. Immediately I saw a problem, the firefighters were attacking the fire head-on instead of length-wise. I won't go into details about how long it took to deploy hoses (it's hard to do) so I'll just talk about rookie mistakes. They were trying to put out the fire on the second floor and shooting water up. The problem being that they were basically just getting the other side wet, completely over shooting the fire. They tried this tactic for awhile, getting nowhere as the fire continued to spread. Eventually (around 11pm) they got all three trucks working the angles and such but still the fire wasn't contained. OK, well the fire didn't have a chance to catch any other buildings on fire but it looked like it might run the whole building. Every time the firefighters would drench an area and move on, a few minutes later a fire was starting back up in the previous place. Towards the end (around midnight) Wes and I were actually cheering (quietly) for the fire's continuation but it looked pretty well contained so we headed home.
I'll take pictures of the place later today.

newsworthy?

NOT newsworthy. Actually, it's kind of shameful.

I bet next time he hands over the chili sauce. Would you shoot a guy for chili sauce???

Guys are getting busted for the weirdest things nowadays. Sheesh.

HAHA People are just plain funny.

A smart woman would've asked for his phone number instead. It would've made for a better story. Although I'll admit it is a unique pick up line.

Hmm, cellphone saves man's life. Yeah, kids with gun go up against man without leg. You'd think that the kids with the gun would win but nope. I'm reminded of a Family Guy episode in which Mayor West declares that he's got a bulletproof shield the exact size of a bullet.

sweet home alabama

Probably the scariest sounding evil-doer in the world. Haha, a girl must've come up with that name.

See? non-lethal shoot-offs. This is what happens when people don't have guns.

These kids are going to go places. Like Sing Sing or Rikers Island. Funny that this story is coming out of Leavenworth, Kansas.

For all you kids out there that think that wearing a helmet is lame. You wouldn't think it's lame after someone ran OVER YOUR HEAD!

Not exactly the sharpest tool in the shed.

back to school

Drive fast, swerve often. Or don't, save some gas and put that coin in your pocket. Huh, all those things are "fake" I guess. I dunno though, I like to think they work for me and my Stacy.

Got bored last night, made me an M&M. Literally.

Ah, the NowWhat.com is really State Farm Insurance. Those commercials had really been bothering me.

A drop box? Really? That works? Those Japanese I guess... At least people are admitting they can't be parents.

There's no standards left. I should get a license though.

Not to put down our school system but how exactly did the whales outsmart marine biologists and law enforcement? They're freaking whales! How do you miss that???

That's so gay. My question is, what exactly are Mormon stereotypes? Umm... I can't think of any. Help me out here people.

Sex sells. "Carmel" sounds like a well-educated young lady. Hmm... well, lots of people have weird names so it could be her real name.

video killed the radio star

In this case though, the video iPod killed the radio star.

OK, so let's just say I'm feeling old. I've spent the last week (and more) working to deploy this unit. Taking care of lots of kids, it's like I'm a babysitter. Most of these kids are 18 or 19 years old. Now eight years is not a lot of time, but I guess it's difference that makes all of the difference. I was their age when I joined. When I was that young (and dumb) they were 11 year olds! Middle schoolers, at best, when I was joining the Army. How does that all happen? When did I become that old war vet sitting at the end of the bar talking about "the war" and how "all these young pups are in for the shock of their life."

I'm enjoying my time though. Even if it is in Columbus. I still want to go. Like I said, these are kids. I've taken them under my wing. Still trying to go, but it doesn't look good. Last week I went through RFI (Rapid Field Issue) where we got some cool stuff. New undershirts, some cold weather gear, and the new helmet. The ACH (Army Combat Helmet) is weird; I've seen the studies the internal padding helps with traumatic brain injury (but isn't any brain injury traumatic?) and the new 4-point harness helps with keeping the helmet stable during movements, but what I don't understand is what's with the velcro? Sorry, hoop and fastener system. What is up with it? Do I really need it?

The coolest thing I got though was the Oakley sunglasses. Now this is what your taxpayers' money is going to. They are sweet! Of course I was sweet too, I gave my pair to another soldier. She didn't heed one of my warnings and when getting issued cool, free stuff never admit you wear glasses. Otherwise you never get all the cool stuff. So I helped her out, not that it's the first time I've helped her out. Yeah, her being cute is a weakness for me. Long story short, I've ran into a semi-busy road to chase after said girl (drunk) to keep her from possibly getting hit from oncoming traffic. Just goes to show that I am incurably stupid.

I'm going back next week and the week after too. It's like I won't work my regular job for the rest of May.

six degrees

You ever played that game? Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon? Where you have to link any actor/actress to Kevin Bacon in six moves or less? Awesome game for those into movie trivia. Which actor co-starred with which other actor, so on and so forth. Well, we used to play this game out in Iraq back in 2003 before we had fancy things like electricity. So when we got back, I obviously looked up some of the more questionable connections because back then we couldn't verify answers. Results? I found this, the Oracle of Bacon. It's a wonderful thing, this technology stuff.

You got questions? Cecil's got answers. And books too. From stupid questions, to some profound stuff. Well, not profound really but things that you were always curious about but too ashamed to ask them. See what searching the web does for you?

Have you ever seen someone do the most horrible parking job and just wanted to scream at them? Here's the solution.

One of the worse excuses I've ever heard, and I've heard quite a few. Maybe not as much as a teacher but these are very colorful.

Really? The movie Brazil was higher on the list than Star Trek: The Next Generation? And Stargate/Stargate SG-1/Stargate Atlantis didn't even crack the Top 25? What kind of crazy world am I living in? Well, at least there's the Top 100.

over you

Yesh. Honestly though, I think I saw this episode of Grey's Anatomy.

It's immodest. Really? A billboard featuring Bob and Tom, probably the two biggest boobs in syndicated radio. I think it teaches kids umm, what's the word, homonym?

BYOTP. You really think that's the source to your graffitti and vandalism problem? TP?

Like a superhero jumping from rooftop to rooftop, eluding the police. Got to love it.

It's so good to be in the colonies isn't it? I remember when I was younger and I met with this guy from England. Of course we exchanged pleasantries and when I told him I was from the US, he replied "Oh, you're from the colonies?" To which I replied, "Sprecken zee Deutch?" And I got "Huh? No." Last words, "That's right! And do you know why? The US."

You've got to admire the authoriative power of the campus cops. Trying to "shoo" them out of the pond? Whew, I think someone's civil liberties were trampled upon by that.