it's funny cuz it's true

While I applaud the idea of "thinking outside of the box" I feel that this is just a little too far out of said box. I'm sorry but I don't believe that Creationism is a science. I am just not firm believer that a scientist shouldn't disregard a theory just because it doesn't jive with the Holy Bible. I do believe that there is plenty of room in science for religion, but just not a whole lot of room in religion for science according to the Creationists.

Speaking of outside the box, I think this lady isn't just outside of the box she fell off the edge. Well, I'm not sure because I think the universe is spherical, or at least as spherical as an M-theory universe can be.

How bad does your life have to be to get help from Baldwin brothers, Stephen and Danny? I mean, seriously and it to be news? Isn't there anything better to report on in celebrity news? Anyone dying of some sort of brain injury? What? Too soon?

While it's related to the whole celebrity brain injury thing, helmets in this case don't save lives. Not in this instance. It doesn't do anything in skydiving either. To quote Jerry Seinfeld, "at that point, the helmet's wearing you..." Which I always found to be funny, not because of the personification of a helmet but it almost doesn't make sense. When we think skydiving accident, I'm sure that most of us think "chute didn't open." However, there's other injuries that occur too in which a helmet would save your life or prevent serious injury. We just can't help but think of the most extreme cases, which makes the joke funny. 

Hahaha. I like the comment at the end. "A small price to pay to say you have a "flying car." Air quotes are required whenever you do." I wonder who's going to be able to afford the "flying car" with the economy the way it is.

One could take from this article that NASA condones killing helpless bats. Sure they did a risk assessment, no harm to the orbiter. I thought they were out there to advance the knowledge of the planet. The whole planet, bats included. How can they continue to believe that when the road is paved over bats? I hope you sleep well tonight NASA. Too much?

common? sense

Crap. Here's the plot of the next National Treasure movie. Not that I'm opposed to them, just Nicolas Cage's receding hairline.

Not funny, but at least they didn't break the first rule of fight club. OK, it is kinda funny. But I'm thinking of tard strength, which is like the Hulk in most instances. You don't want to get into a fight with one, they have the strength of 10 men!

Another Nationwide commercial?

I'm just a student of criminal justice, but I'd have to say that he's most likely very connected to this case. At a minimum, he helped dispose of the body. Best case scenario, he killed her and then disposed of the body, went off his rocker and killed himself. Yay!

That's absurd. Don't these senators and representatives go to strip clubs themselves? If they don't, what's wrong with enjoying the show without a state imposed cover charge? Up next, the cover charge of fast food restaurants and a little extra to use the drive-thru. Bad government, don't impose taxes on patrons of private companies.

What I want to know about this "God spot" is if I surgically remove it from a believer would they instantly become a nonbeliever? Honestly, I'm just surprised they used the terms believer and nonbeliever in their article. I mean, what defines belief in God? Churchgoers don't necessarily believe in God, at the same time there are people that could be categorized as nonbelievers that do believe in God. As if believing in science precludes the notion of God. Blah, I'd talk for days about this subject.

Of course. Who wouldn't?

the petting zoo

CNN. Well, it's news. I've come to rely on such Internet news sources. And no, I'm not talking about an over logging-on of the Internet. It's just that I got to CNN for news, albeit sometimes for funny news but news nonetheless. However, I do not go to CNN for apparel. No, I don't want a t-shirt with a "catchy" slogan like 'Hips Don't Lie' singer pushes education. - I just saw it on CNN.com...

And you think Iraq is bad? Ha! At least in Iraq you can shoot back. As if that would've helped the body count in Chicago. My question is, do you need an AK-47 to shoot up a plumbing store? Was the plumbing store the target? What did the plumbing store do to deserve to be targeted?

Wasn't making a political statement? Well, I suppose the meaning of the message is that we need to spend more money on education in South Carolina, especially Jonesville. I gotta wonder how many people actually attend the Jonesville Church of God with the population of Jonesville at 1,000. Perhaps it is the only church in Jonesville and everyone is God-fearing there. Well fear no more Jonesville! Your education funding is on the way!

I wish there was a stupidity law on the books. In a road rage incident, the person with the gun is supposed to shoot the other person. In this instance, he shot himself. Not that I want him to shoot someone else, but really, gun control means using both hands.

That must've been one big ass turkey or a puny 9 year-old. I'm gonna go ahead and call it, alcohol was a factor.

I never understood why there had to be compentency tests for these people. You wanna use the 'insanity' defense? Fine. Death. What? It's not like his 'compentent' enough to know what's going on. Just tell him you're taking him go see rabbits. That's right, I've read Of Mice and Men.

Stop. Hammer time. I was going to do the Entertainment Weekly version of this joke like: "Muslims want to replace Greenwich Mean-Time with Mecca Time. Meanwhile, MC Hammer petitioning for Pacific Time to be replaced with Hammer Time."

not a review

And it still makes me mad. Even though I don't think it falls into the category of entertainment, this was very entertaining. Although I wouldn't pay $34 for a Hello Kitty t-shirt. However, I would buy this Disney CD just to hear these lyrics that would make "any parent blush." Because this gift would really make anyone blush.

I spent this Christmas with my dad's relatives. Been doing it for a few years, every since I moved back to the midwest. We usually get together and do our thing on Christmas Eve. Since we're getting older and having our own families, Christmas is reserved for them. I don't have a problem with Christmas, even though I was raised Catholic I don't really see "Christmas" as a non-secular event. Yes, I'll go to Mass to celebrate the birth of Christ. But as far as believing that it is related to a jolly fat guy in a red suit that breaks into our houses via chimneys to leave presents under an evergreen tree decorated with shiny things and lights in exchange for some milk and cookies? Nope sorry.
The thing I hate most about modern Christmas is gingerbread houses. Curious? I'm not knocking the creativity or skill it takes, but I think it's just sick. Here's why. Gingerbread people. It's people made out of gingerbread. I don't mind that, I'll play with gingerbread people but then you make houses out of the same substance? C'mon, if we made a house made out of the same things we're made out of, well then you've got a house made out of people. Nah, I'm just kidding I don't have a problem with gingerbread construction.

Now that's a bit much for me, I'll make small purchases with my loose change. Maybe a CD or something, but a truck? Yeah, I can't do it.

Yeah, well, it's better than Optimus Prime. Although it isn't the worst decision made by people. More of those dumb laws.

This is probably something I'll end up doing. If he would've asked me, I would've done it for free.

and action!

OK. So maybe the pipe was a little much. It's not like it was lethal injection. What I really want to know is what's the deal with the mysterious pickup truck? If the van hit the kids and it ran the stop sign, then didn't the pickup truck run the stop sign too? Or is this a case of felony hit and run?

I don't know what to say. I mean, everyone is wrong and everyone loses out in this one. Geez.

What people complained? Well, it wasn't the guys that complained... you know, unless the girls were fat. Maybe some of the other girls? Or it could be one of those adult lies where no one complains but where the administrator has to do something and just says "some people have complained..." in order to validate it.

Sweet Jesus! He melts in your mouth, not in your hands. Uh, yeah, that didn't sound right.

Well, at least some good came out of this. Actually, when I read the article it reminded me of 1999. One of my fratnerity brothers had us check out the RealDoll website. I don't know why, but we were surprised at the price of the dolls. It started at like $5000 but you could add customizations to it which raised the price even higher. It was kinda creepy what the website said they could do. So yeah, I've heard of RealDolls. And just to say it because it sounds racist. As an Asian, I take offense that the male doll is called "Charlie."

I use that excuse all the time. "Pick up that box." "Sorry, I can't, it's against my religion." See? What can you say to that? Are you questioning my faith? Want to get sued? Yeah, that's right, back down and lift your own damn boxes!

I don't know. Is it right religiously? Is it scientifically possible? Look, I'm not saying that it's a waste of time, but it'll help a lot of people understand? No. Genetically speaking, gays don't progress a species.

Hmm. Where to start? Obviously this guy had no idea how much the phone was worth. Plus, he can't negotiate to save his life. I mean, $185,000 for a phone? Maybe, in the future but not today. It's a random number. By that I mean that it wasn't like $190,000 or $200,000 but it was $185,000 and for me that big of a number is like you robbing a bank for $21.13. Exact change only! What really gets me though is that Lancaster, PA has indecent assault... whereas the converse of this would be decent assault?

Was the train moving? Relative to the Earth, to be specific.

Amateur writer. Which drew me away from the fact that the old lady fell to the ground instead of the guy she shot. Nothing funny about that.

Why does it matter if he was only wearing underwear? Besides making it funny it doesn't really help me understand the story.

57 minutes

Bringing the crazy to the table is Uncle Eric. How exactly does the butcher knife exorcise the kid? Well, I suppose if you follow the logic of finding witches then we're on the right track. Why, oh why does this happen?

Super dorky, but super hott. That's right. 'Hot' with two t's.

It took 40 years to fix this? Wow. As far as symbolism and all that crap... screw it. I think it's funny. The designer must've really hated the Navy. I mean he (I'm assuming the designer is a guy) must've known what it looked like and went with the idea, thinking that the Navy would never know until it was too late.

Where is this commercial? Grr. Yes, people are visiting the website but that's not the point of PETA (I think) is it? Well, it could be now but I don't think that it was point of the whole thing when they started it. And vegan? What the hell? Are we all just going to be sprout farmers? That's a lot of wetlands.

Well this just makes exorcism via a butcher knife look like a common sense solution. Quick! Hide Xenu is coming! Just for a few years. Boy are we all screwed if this is the truth...

it's only saturday?

Is it bad when it's Saturday but I think it's not? That can't be good. Must be because of that damnedcat.blogpsot.com. Not to be confused with damnedcatblogspot.com. A promise to Zeb, I started to peruse through the site. I've got to say. I love it. Seriously. I mean, it's like one of those pictures that you have to be cross-eyed to see. I mean the liking of the warnings in the Bible to a "Bridge Out Ahead" sign? Oh! That just speaks to my heart! Can't you see the similarities? With the "Bridge Out Ahead" sign there are obvious markers that indicate that there is construction going on, and there's always the possibility to turn around. If the Bible is a "Bridge Out Ahead" warning, that's like having the sign in Washington (the state) for the collapsed bridge in Minnesota. That's just great right?
And if it's a truly prophetic, then let it be specific. "A nation to the east will emerge." Oh, wow! Look I'm a prophet! When something that says "Joe Smith, of 134 Main St. Pasedena, California will be killed crossing 34th and Madison in downtown Los Angeles, California on September 9, 2010." Then I'll be impressed when it happens. Otherwise, vagueness doesn't count as prophecy.

=)

Huh. Learning something new. France does not extradite French citizens. Good to know. You know, if I decide to become a criminal.

He's the same f**king guy. Ugh. Calling him Allah doesn't change anything. ooOOoo, it's what the Muslims call Him. Yahweh... God. Whatever, I call Him by His given name, Petey. We're close, that's why. Do I think it should be mandated by the church. No. Nothing should, but we don't live in a good world.

Hahaha. This is something I think I'd do. It sounds like something I'd do. Like, "Hey, did you hear that Daniel paid in full for his car? In a coins?" See how naturally it seems to fit? Here's the video (of the guy, not me).



I'm still looking for the TV ad for some sort of new drug for RLS, that one of the side-effects was 'gambling.' Maybe I was just tired, but it seemed worthy of further investigation.

disco duck

Is it just me or is the media getting desperate by covering underage felonies. Now by underage I don't that the felonies are underage but those committing them. Here, look at this. You'd think they'd tell you that when you deactivate the phone. I understand the precaution, you know in an emergency even if your phone is deactivated (for whatever reason) you can still call 9-1-1. That's smart. I just hope they throw the book at the 4 year-old.

Just more proof that girls can't drive. Especially underage girls. Especially underage drunk girls. An 8 mile chase? At speeds exceeded 100mph? You realize that this "chase" was maybe 5-6 minutes long? Whew. Her excuse? She was on her way to pick up her sister at a concert. Not the most outrageous thing though. Her blood alcohol level was above .02 which was the legal limit for minors. So wait, let me get this straight there's isn't a zero policy for underage drinking? There's a "legal" limit for underage drinking which is illegal. Weird.

Let's see if I get this right, because the state of Massachusetts is pushing their Secular Humanism homosexual agenda this guy doesn't pass the bar exam? Oh, it violated his First Amendment right... I'm assuming that it violates his right to his free exercise of religion correct? OK, moving on, as a law student he had to understand that the Fourteenth Amendment has been curbing state's power in establishing laws based on religion (The First Amendment) right? And as a schooled individual he knows that secular means 'free of religion' right?
So let's go beyond the religious argument, he wants to be a lawyer right? You think that some day, someone might want a lawyer concerning the matter of gay marriage and maybe it's legality? Oh, and there's no question about abortions? *gasp* Has there been? Could be that this year's bar exam didn't have an abortion question. But being a religious zealot he probably wouldn't have answered that question either, thus still not passing the bar.
Sorry I had to throw that in there, but going beyond religion and law let's just look at the facts. He didn't answer a question. He needed a 270 but instead got a 268 or something. Thus he failed. You should've answered the question huh?
I have never heard of a test violating someone's rights. Still, good luck with that there lawyer-wannabe. I'm going to try it on my next test.

My question, only 14-to-1 odds?

for reals?

And they say that Muslims are the fanatics. Nah, I say anyone that uses religion as a blunt weapon, like this guy, is a fanatic. I guess I'm a fanatic too, because I believe in free will, that God wants us the way we are, regardless of what we do on Sundays and I'll beat the crap out of anyone that believes otherwise. I'm kidding. Sure, I may not agree with a lot of people on their views on religion, but guess what? That's their business. I'm not going to interfere with that, I'll make fun of it but I won't interfere. I won't go out there, knocking door to door in order to convert people. Is it really God's will to convert people to your religion in order to "save them" from whatever? I didn't realize He needed me to sit in a designated place to worship and/or donate 10% of my earnings to this place. I always thought He wanted us to be good people, me, I'm incurably stupid but I don't go to church, so does that mean I'm going to Hell? If so, I need to start sinning more. Might as well get a really good seat down there.
Here's how I figured that one out. Satan is running things down there right? So who's he going to hook up? The guy that took $10 from someone's wallet or say, Hitler? With all the crap Hitler did, I'm sure he's a really, really bad guy. But that means he's more in favor with Satan right? Well, hook a homeboy up!

Back to this crazy Luce. There's this whole Acquire the Fire thing, sounds like contracting the syph. Burning ring of fire... So I like this whole militant thing Luce's got going. Yup, BattleCry! Or building up his Army of Christians. Scary thought isn't it? All because he doesn't think the "regular" Christians are Christian enough. What the heck does that mean? I'm not Christian enough? Somehow he's determining what the standard is? Next up, the Pope isn't Catholic enough. Who gave this guy the power to pass judgement on others? If he was sooooooo Christian doesn't he know there's only One that can pass judgement on others? Or does Luce think he's some sort of special consultant for the guy?

And to Luce's own past, I think he did inhale. In fact, I think he drank the bong water.

whoop (there it is)

Last night (among the other shows) I watched South Park and their interpretation of the relationship between the Resurrection of Christ and the Easter Bunny. Suffice to say I was amused, of course had I been Muslim and the topic having something to do with Islam I probably would've just gone out and bombed some people and blew up a few buildings.
Of course we posed this question in Kuwait in 2004 and our new soldier, John-Mark, gave us an answer. It sounded plausible and plus he's old so he must be wise. Right? I mean he's OLD, like he watched Return of the Jedi in the theatres! OK, enough with the teasing of old people. John-Mark explained Easter/Easter Bunny like this. In the old days when Christianity was spreading, in order to get people interested (or whatever, convert) the missionaries would often integrate pagan rituals into the religion. The pagan fertility ritual nearly coincided with the presumed date of the resurrection of Jesus and so they two were combined. So Jesus and the Saxon goddess Eastre joined forces. Jesus, a man, and Eastre, whose icon was a rabbit join to form a guy in a rabbit suit. And now Christians around the world go to church and then go find painted eggs the someone held the night before. A good ol' time is had by all.


Onto the news!

Moron hires fetal hitman. OK, I made that sound worse than it is. The hitman isn't fetal, the target is fetal. The hitman was actually an undercover cop. Three grand to rough up your ex-girlfriend so bad it forces a miscarriage? More than just bad advice there Sparky, that's just plain stupid. Although I give props to him for originally (pre-hitman) wanting to help raise the kid. In the end though, none of it happened.

OK, there's got to be more than what's being reported and so I checked out Wolf's site. Got his point of view. Now I've got a clearer picture. Yes, the prosecution was trying to build a case, but the testimony of a journalist taping a crime scene just reeks of lack of credible evidence. Everybody is wrong though, nobody is right. If I shot a video of a crime scene you better believe that I'll turn in it, but as far as testifying? What am I going to say? "I don't know." is what. The only reason I wouldn't turn in a video of a crime is not the First Amendment but more along the lines of the Fifth. Still, in lieu of Wolf not turning in the video, yes a subpoena is required. However, to subpoena a testimony of a bystander is extreme. Usually people can be convinced to do it on their own without the need of a subpoena. I understand that Wolf felt uncomfortable that it was "secret" grand jury that he was meeting in front of, but do you understand that there's security precautions involved? You're talking about people willing to burn things to get their point across. Do you really want it to be public knowledge that people are attempting to put them in jail are meeting in this very public, accessible building? Yeah, that's smart. Go put your padded helmet on before you knock yourself out.


Aw, it's like a techno-twist to a real life homeward bound. See? Computer chips can help animals too. Happy news!

holy crap

JESUS! Apparently he lives in Florida. I'm not kidding, this guy thinks he's Jesus. Jesus is Puerto Rican. The funniest thing is his nickname. "Daddy." ??? Ai Papi!

The guy killed two police officers. Nothing funny about that. The guy should get the death penalty. But the picture of this guy is so bad. I mean, the guy is wearing telescopes for glasses. Holy cow, he must be freaking blind. I'd be a cop-killer too if I had to wear those things.

Apophis is coming to destroy the Earth, just like the TV show Stargate SG-1. It was actually named by two fans. You know, we've known about Apophis for like 2 years (at least I've known). I read it in an astronomy magazine. So why is it the UN's business? What is the UN going to do? Write it a letter? Yeah, that'll save the Earth. Hey, I got an idea! What if we made us a bunch of superheroes? They could fly into space and divert the asteroid themselves. That'd be a lot cheaper and probably more effective. Actually, we won't know Apophis will collide (for certain) with us until 2026 or something.

tainted love

Deep Thoughts

I disagree with the Intelligent Design theory. I think I have good reason too. It supports the idea of intelligent cause and secular belief. Now I’m assuming (please tell me if I’m wrong) that by intelligent cause they mean God. It’s a secular term for God. Right off the bat there’s a contradiction, unless they mean us when they say intelligent cause. I sure wish I believed in intelligent design theory when I was growing up because I would’ve willed myself to be a little bit taller and a lot less bald. Maybe if I concentrate really, really hard I can make that happen.
There are some things that I agree with in the declaration. Yes, science should be secular in their exploration. Therefore, Intelligent Design is automatically disqualified. It’s not science. Science doesn’t just disregard data because it doesn’t fit their theory like Intelligent Design does. All the problems and bad people in the world stem from the fact that they believe in Darwinian evolution? That might explain Oklahoma, but what about the warlords in Darfur? I don’t think anyone sat down with them and explained Darwinian evolution to them to make them do the things they do.
So where does that leave us? Do I think that God made me and put me where I am at this point in the space/time continuum? Not exactly, I believe in free will. Does God have a purpose for me? I don’t know, I don’t think anyone knows. For all we know, God made me just to take up space. Yes, I believe that the small things influence bigger things in life, the world, and the universe. Just like distant things influence things here on Earth.
I like the theory of evolution, it can explain things better and doesn’t place blame on God like Intelligent Design does in a roundabout manner. Now I don’t mind when an athlete thanks God for a victory, but I bear in mind the fact that if that’s so, then God is also responsible for the opponent for losing. You can’t have a winner without a loser. Why does God get credit for one and not the other? Losing is not necessarily bad, but God doesn’t get credit for that. So is losing one of the exploits of the devil? No, I don’t think so. Evolution would just say that the athlete that won was better suited to win than his opponent. Can’t argue there. ‘What if the guy that lost was tempted by the devil by alcohol and extra-martial sex?’ And the would-be winner wasn’t? Well, you’ve got free will. He could’ve said no, but his genetics and his upbringing told him otherwise and he said yes. Again, the winner was better suited to win.
So if there was an Intelligent Cause behind the creation of the planet and human life, then I’d say that there are some major flaws and almost contradict the term “intelligent.” What would be behind the purpose of child molesters, people that lock kids in cages, or people that talk in movie theaters? The whole balance thing? Really? Child molesters? I don’t think the world would be lacking anything if there weren’t any child molesters around. I’m just saying that it’s completely unnecessary. Same with the people that lock kids in cages “for their own good” and force them to defecate on themselves. Now theater talkers I just threw in there because it was on the show Firefly and I thought it would be funny. They really don’t serve a purpose, and don’t tell me to show how evil man can be because no one needs the evidence. For example, I don’t need evident to show me that having a big rock falling on me sucks because I know that if I wear blood on the outside of my body it usually is a bad thing. I learned that from the smaller things like papercuts.
I don’t know though, I like a happy medium answer where God set things in motion a long time ago (15 billion years or so from our perspective). I can swallow that more than *poof* the Earth. *poof* the sky. *poof* the oceans. *poof* Man. That’s just lazy, now setting something in motion 15 billion years ago is something more along God’s style.

don't know why

That's it? A two-year sentence? So I could lock up 11 kids and force them to sleep in boxes, and all I'd get is two years? Maybe it's two years in a box? No bathroom? That'd be cool with me. Otherwise that's not cool.

See? Cigarettes can kill people in other methods than second-hand smoke. Although I'd like to explore the fact that these are country bumpkins that killed themselves. Maybe if they'd been less retarded they wouldn't have died. It's good to have a fire escape plan. Isn't that what we learned in elementary school? Stay low, get out, go to a neighbor's house and call the fire department.

Really? Revenge? She's a 49yo homeless woman. I'm sure God smitted her enough that lighting her on fire was just cruel.

Wow. Had be done this is the good ol' US of A, he'd just be another billionaire driving around. Not that I'm condoning what he did, but maybe we should follow China's example. I think that'd certainly curb big business.

This is a real news story. Granted it makes me sad because it reminds me of a Grey's Anatomy episode. Cristina's case was a young boy that was in for his 3rd heart transplant. The mom was overly excited, praising God and what not. The kid on the other hand was sad and depressed; rightly so because he knew that for him to get a heart that meant that another kid his age had to die. So really the mom was hoping that someone else's kid died, which just isn't cool.

Dodos live in Kansas. Ah, Kansas. OK, I get the "Intelligent Design" thing. That's cool. I don't agree with it, but that's for another time. What I don't get is this paragraph:
John Calvert, a retired attorney who helped found the group, accused the board of promoting atheism. And Greg Lassey, a retired Wichita-area biology teacher, said the new standards undermine families by "discrediting parents who reject materialism and the ethics and morals it fosters."

How does evolution relate to materialism? Or the ethics and morals it fosters? Wait, wait, wait. Are you saying that the theory of evolution is the root of all of our problems in society??? Uh-oh. There's going to be a huge crime wave in Kansas now that they're teaching it in schools! Watch out!

tiny dancer

Huh. I almost feel bad, but then I remember that I once was switching channels to old fashion way (channel up, pause, channel up, pause, etc) and I came across her reality show. Anyone remember that crap? So like a train wreck, I was disguised by the horror yet couldn't change the channel. The show actually made me vomit. Not the "threw up a little in my mouth" sort but actual flee to the bathroom photo finish kind. Granted I was sick with a little food poisoning but I still consent that it was the show. Makes it stick more doesn't it? I guess wishes do come true.

I felt good about our 6 inches of snow. To record I think we've had a total of nine here this year, but this is just ridiculous. Teachers aren't working, kids aren't learning, but I bet some people are just having a blast. My friends and I have this 'tradition' that whenever it snows and we can all get together we find an unplowed parking lot. Then all the funness begins. One SUV, one ski rope, and one sled. There's nothing quite like getting pulled through the snow at 20mph, colliding with curbs, and the possibility of cracking a skull. It started back in 1999 when Bill and I attempted this crazy stunt. Somehow I was able to locate every single curb and concrete parking bump in the parking lot, usually with my ass. We also used to propel ourselves into the chain-link fences. A few times we tried to do an uphill pull, but that always ended with us doing a face plow. *gasp* I just had the most brilliant idea (or a new way to kill ourselves). In said parking lots, we spend a little time building snow ramps before we tear up the place. Oh yeah, we're making the news and not in the good way.

I'm not going to make fun of autism because that's just not cool. They can't help it. Yeah, sometimes they do funny things but still to make fun of it outright is cruel. However, I'd like to direct your attention to the bottom of the webpage where CNN gives you the chance to receive "Related Topics" email alerts. Yes, autism is one of them. The other one though is for the CDC. And how exactly is autism a controllable disease and preventable? Unless we take one out of Carlos Mencia's playbook. "If you're Dee, and she's Dee, and you have sex. Your kid's going to be Dee Dee Dee."

Ah yes. Parenting. It's a subtle thing isn't it? I mean, if you ask one group, they'll tell you that fighting is wrong and try to resolve conflicts with diplomacy. Another group will tell you to stand up for yourself and toughen up. This mom though is in a whole different league. Ha, I remember getting my ass kicked in school, then coming home and my mom kicking my ass for getting into a fight at school. Apparently it was a two-for-one day. OK, she didn't kick my ass but she inflicted a good spanking.



Last weekend I had my Army Reserve drill. Sorry, battle assembly. Although we did assemble, it wasn't for the purpose of battle. I got to do my re-certification as a combat lifesaver. Sadly, I've actually used what I've learned in combat to try to save a life. Operative word in that sentence was "try." Batting average? 0-1. Anyway, there's been significant changes to the course since I took it back in 2002. Better or worse I don't know. It does focus more on the things that you'll come across in combat, rather than the civilian world so there's that. GSWs, tension pneumothorax, and that sort.
On the other hand, the training and presentation was developed by the Army. So there's a slide that lists the actions a combat lifesaver should take. Some are obvious, but some are for practical purposes, and some are just flat out stupid. "Return fire, suppress the enemy" that makes sense, but not usually something you'd do in that situation. "Reassure the casualty." Obvious. Then there's "Don't get shot." Flat out stupid. Really? You mean that getting shot doesn't do anyone any good? Brilliant strategy!
Another point of hilarity was when we were learning about the new pressure dressing. Yeah, it's cool and much easier to use (albeit complex at first) but I won't go into its application. Rather, the presentation of it. It was a short video where the guy that made it is demonstrating how to use it. OK, it comes inside of two packages to keep it really sterile. Got it. Oh, there's four notches in the package to facilitate removal. You can use your hands or your mouth. Then he shows how one would use your mouth to tear open the package. *gasp* Amazing! It was like magic. This next part I found incredibly funny. I don't know if it was because I hadn't had breakfast had I'd been up for five hours at this point or what. He removed the bandage from its packaging and said, "it comes in sandwich form." This sparked my interest. Like ice cream, it comes in a cone or 'sandwich form.' You could either apply it to the wound or have the casualty eat it, I guess.


I really don't know if I should comment on this subject, I feel some sort of need to say something. Especially since this is all going on in Massachusetts where gay marriage is legal. Well, more on this later.

joy to the world

Religion & Business K-I-S-S-I-N-G. First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes the impending lawsuits.
You know me, I hate when someone tries to force their religion upon me but if my boss wants to say a prayer before a meeting. Well, that's his preference. Yes, I think it's a waste of time but guess what, his signature is my on my paycheck. Do I feel discriminated? Nope. I wouldn't ask him to say an 'Our Father' or anything before for me but only because I think it IS a waste of time in a place of business. Like when I say grace before chowing down on my lunch with co-workers, I don't expect them not to start eating their unblessed heathen food. Just don't ask me questions when my head is bowed in prayer. That'll piss me off. There's a line to be drawn. I don't ask my co-workers to hold hands and bow their heads to say grace with me, I respect them enough to keep them out of my beliefs.
If I weren't Catholic and someone sent me a Christmas card that said "Merry Christmas" on the front, I don't think I'd be offended. The person sending it is Christian. Good for him/her, they're religious and that counts in my book. It may not be my religion so they don't get as many points but still get points. I wouldn't be offended if a Jew sent me a 'Happy Chanukah' card. A card isn't going to covert me to Judaism. For me it's like getting a greeting in another language from a strange guy, he's not trying to conform me. He's just saying hi. It's the intent behind the words.
I joke about religion and faith, but it is an important part of my life as it is in other people's lives too. I just don't think God cares if there's a Liturgy or not, just that you believe in Him. Yahweh, Allah or God, it's all the entity, just the way we pay our respects differs. I'd think He cares more about how we live our lives than how many times a day we pray to Him/ how much money we put in the donation basket/ or what kind of headgear we wear. If He cares about the pomp and circumstance of religion, then I don't think I want to worship Him. Even in gods (with the lower-case g) or deities too, it's the same guy up there, people just have a different name for each act He does. Big whoop.

There's a few things that I'd disagree with about religious discrimination in the work place. For example, if I had to say a prayer at work before I 'punched in'. Or if I had to end each email to my boss with "Blessed be". If my boss was Jewish (which he ain't) and he sent me a Happy Chanukah card, so I send him a Merry Christmas card and he gets angry about it. Also, if our meetings were held at church. Mandatory bible studies.

Whew. That wasn't as long as I thought it was going to be. It was going to be much longer and cover a bunch more stuff, but I get tired of typing all that. So your eyes win.







Amen!

particle man

Oh no! Rosie offended people with her 'impression' of a Chinese newscaster. It offended Asians! No it didn't, it offended impressionists or whatever, comics that do impressions. That impression sucked!
Link to the video here.

Dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb. I was quoting South Park there. Silly Mormons, polygamy is illegal. Although this FundaMENTAList Mormon/prophet thinks otherwise. Think that I'll get in trouble, read down at the bottom of the article:
"Members lead an insular life and are prohibited from watching television, using the Internet or reading newspapers."
What kind of life is that? That's just mormonic... err, moronic. OK, TV programming is pretty non-religious (except Sunday mornings) and the Internet is filled with porn, BUT THE NEWSPAPER???? When did the newspaper become a religion no-no? So I'm guessing that magazines are also out of the question? Or do they read Playboy and Maxim for the articles and their hard hitting journalism? What's next? Books? Is this the Dark Ages? Ugh, I'm just waiting for that freak tornado to wipe all these Morons off the face of the earth.

Old person dies. New oldest person crowned leader in the game of life.

Who didn't see this story coming? I remember when I used to play Tetris against my mom and she used to pull the controller to the left or right depending on which way she wanted to make the blocks go. The Wii controller has fight with plasma TV; Wii one - TV zero. People are also slamming hands and arms into objects. Uh, yeah didn't see that one coming either. That one's user error though, nothing Nintendo can do about that.

This is like the plot to one of those cable channel movies. A pageant winner has issues and must overcome them to retain her title. Huh, beautiful people have issues too. Who'd thunk it? Pills, lots and lots of pills is the answer!

Dear God c/o New Jersey shoreline

Well, some letters to God washed up in New Jersey. You might think it's sad or maybe it's atrocious that this was the end for these letters. Me, I think it's hilarious. Maybe God was in New Jersey playing skeeball and just had the mail forwarded there. *gasp* Which may explain why I recently received a letter from Hell confirming my reservation.
Most of the letters were addressed to Reverend Cooper, Mount Calvary Baptist Church, or 'Altar'. The contents of the letters ranged from forgiveness to winning the lottery (twice).
Now you've got to be wondering, "What's he going to make fun of? God? Religion?" No. Sticking with the theme, people are stupid. Not the ones that wrote the letter, but the ones that think that's it's silly to write a letter to God and the ones that think that the unopened letters were unread.
People need something to believe in, be it an invisible guy the lives in the sky, science or the fact we are remnants of alien souls. Me, I was sort of raised Catholic. Confession, Lent, Easter, these are familiar to me. Belief, whatever it may be in, is required for our existence. So from a Catholic perspective, these letters are like confessions or prayers (depending on the subject). OK, not real confession since there isn't a priest involved, and to hand out judgements like saying ten 'Our Fathers' and an act of penance.
So what if Reverend Cooper didn't read them? Is he screening God's mail? I don't think so, once it was written and sent it was in God's inbox. The physical letter may not have been read, but the content was received and that's the important thing. Yes, it's a shame that the letters washed up in such a public forum but maybe it's God's will.
Maybe it was a story told by a priest, or I heard it somewhere else but someone once told me that God doesn't answer all of our prayers. If He did, then we wouldn't do anything for ourselves and we'd lose His greatest gift, free will. And that sometimes, He doesn't answer them because He has a bigger and better plan for us.

"Some of God's greatest gifts, are unanswered prayers." - Garth Brooks "Unanswered Prayers"

Composing a letter to God is no more foolish than writing Santa Claus or tossing a quarter over your shoulder into a wishing pond. I pretty much view all of them as a waste of money and resources, to be better used for something I need. But hey, it's your time and money. Waste it as you see fit, just as long as it doesn't affect me. I just hope that I get a seat with a view down in Hell.
Or maybe, just maybe, there's a simpler explanation for all of this that we're overlooking. Maybe God's dumping His trash in New Jersey like the rest of America.

pope you

Whoa, who would've thought some words from an old dude would spark such actions? Yeah, the pope said some words that linked Muslims to violence. So what did some Muslims do? Well they certainly didn't do anything "violent" like burn down Christian/Catholic churches. No, wait, they did! Ha! That'll teach Christians to say that Muslims aren't linked to violence! Come on, that's like accusing someone of graffitti, then the next day spray painted on the police station is "I don't write on walls." How stupid do you have to be to do that?
OK, it's a small percentage of Muslims that do this stuff but still. I've seen a Jew say "Jesus Christ!" when something nearly hit him. *gasp* A week later a bunch of Christians strung him up on a crucifix. Nope, we just laughed and then I said, "Not my God you f***ing Jew." And we laughed some more.
Or how about when Mel Gibson said that Jews were the cause of all the wars in the world? I consider Mel Gibson to be more influential than say, uh, Pope Benedict IX. The Jews went on a Christian hate spree and looted and plundered downtown LA for two weeks. No, wait they didn't! I think they just invaded Lebanon.
Then there's the time some Danish newspaper published a cartoon portraying Muhammed. The leaders of the Muslim community wrote a scathing letter to the editor-in-chief and urged all Muslims to boycott the newspaper. Wait, it sparked riots across Europe and southeast Asia. Yeah, good job with that.
"What about the Crusades?" - Look, that was like a thousand years ago. GET OVER IT! Waaah! If a volcano hasn't erupted in a thousand years it's considered a dead volcano. The Crusades are a dead issue. I mean, are Christians still killing Jews because they killed Jesus almost two thousand years ago? Probably a couple of them, but for the most part THEY GOT OVER IT! Are Jews actively beating the crap out of Egyptians because they got used as slaves? Not as much as a Muslim would probably.
How about the time I called my friend a stupid Mormon? I immediately recanted my statement saying that he wasn't a Mormon (which he was). When he told me he was I told him "No dude, don't be so hard on yourself." Yes, it's a ripoff of South Park: Bigger, Longer, and Uncut but still funny.
%#$@ all organized religions. You stupid pieces of @!%$ that use your #@%*ing religion as a 'reason' to bestow violence upon the world. And religion isn't peaceful either, if you need a book and some guy/girl in a robe to tell you not to go and knock your neighbor the $#@@ out and steal all of his/her ^@#$ing stuff then you had !@#$ing retarded parents who should've been neutered at birth.


More to follow.