goodbye tonight show

Goodbye. It was a fun 17 years, many enjoyable moments and celebrities. The times we had. Hello Conan.

Now, for some serious stupidity. Really? They're against the Predator drones? You can't see all of those other planes that drop bombs either. Yup, blame the unmanned plane. That's what kills all of those innocent people, not the actual bombs that explode on impact. Besides, you can hear those manned planes because those damn pilots can't keep their mouths shut. You can hear them from miles away (and above).

Oops doesn't cover it. You know, there's plenty of blame to go around. I really don't think she should have to pay those medical expenses. Maybe get some money in return. Still, I think our healthcare system is a bit overwhelmed. Maybe we should fix that, and the 7-digit figure she'll be getting probably won't help that cause any.

Not funny news, good people doing good things. What got me was the headline link from the main page. It said "Pizza Man Helps Save Rape Victim From Remote Cabin." There's so many things wrong with that statement. First, who gets raped by a remote cabin? OK, rape isn't funny. Still. Secondly, Pizza Man? That's just got to be the worse superhero name ever. I mean, good for a late gaming session or drink fest, but not a good superhero name. What do I know though? As long as he gets the job done and saves the day.

Oh. Army MPs (military police) always making things so interesting. Always doing the right thing, looking out for the interests of the Army.

scheduled outage

I've been watching The Guild. OK, I've already watched Seasons 1 & 2. It's great, I love Felicia Day. Maybe it's the gaming, violin, singing, or general nerdy-ness. Heck, it could be the Sears Blue Appliance Crew commercial. I don't know. Of course like any good obsession, I spent several hours watching The Guild instead of writing a paper for class. Well, I guess it wouldn't be a good obsession if it didn't interfere with normal life. I needed something to interrupt my 10 season + 2 movies, Stargate SG-1 marathon. Yup, I need to get a job.

There's just something not right with all of this. I can't put my finger on it. Hmm. I can believe suicide. I can believe digging a ditch. I can believe covering the hole with brush. What's got me is why a suicide would dig a grave and then shoot yourself. Cuz this explanation seems far from the norm. He dug a ditch, put himself in it, covered it up, and then shot himself? That's the only way it could've gone according to the article. Usually you shoot first, dig the ditch, and then cover it up. Now if it's premeditated you dig the ditch first, shoot someone, toss them in and cover it up. It's just that covering up the grave is to conceal its location. Dead people don't care where they're located (or at least they don't complain about it that much). Well, I'll never know the mind of a suicidal person, especially when they blow their brains out.

Well, it was just a matter of time. I blame the superhero movies, people taking the law into their own hands. It's the lawmakers that make crappy laws, law enforcement that can't do their job, the lack of funds for law enforcement. Nope, I blame the superhero movies.

Why I don't accept gifts from neighbors.

you got it

I'd say I'm disappointed but it's Canadian so it doesn't count. The only good thing out of Canada is the bacon. Damnit, why are all my imaginary celebrity girlfriends getting married? I mean, what's Ryan Reynolds got that I don't? Wait, I don't want to know the answer to that.

Hmm, I'd say he got what he deserved but he got off easy. Yay for no stupid laws that say you can't kill people in your home that want to molest kids. On a serious note, criminal confinement? Really? That's kidnapping, the reduced version of it but it's kidnapping.

Well, who steals someone's legs? Honestly? I don't think the guy left them someplace, but I dunno. Amputation due to diabetes?

You know you can always count on PETA to do something outrageous. I really don't think they're serious about it, rather saying it for the shock value. Yummy, PETA = People Eating Tasty Animals.

minimally exceptional

Uh, not the best screen-to-stage idea they've come up with recently. Well, I guess they could a screen-to-stage of "Naughty Nurses 4." Yeah, that would be a bad idea. It would probably make a lot of money, but get a lot of hate mail too.

Good to know. Farting = assault. OK, I know the letter of the law on what is consider "assault" but really? You want to set that kind of precedence?

Yes, I can see where an attack would be justified, however, I don't think the student was mentally ill but rather the mother. What the hell? Seriously? You think it's necessary to attack to old people for suggesting that the kid might not be right in the head? Yeah, that'll go over well. I mean, it's not like there are some mental illnesses that are genetics and this is not proof of that point.

That is odd. Not the 1.4 million gallons of water. Not the obscure reference to Ben Lomond High School swimming pool (because we ALL know how big their pool is). It's odd because the dude paid for it. It's impressive, but I can't comprehend it.

I'm not math genius, but I think the reward is less than the prime number they found. Wouldn't it be awesome if the reward was the same as the number found? Bahaha, that'd motivate me to find one. I figure it'll be something like 70 million digits or so.

Aw, that's so sweet. Stupid, but sweet. Nothing says "I love you" like buying your girlfriend breast implants. I wonder if it's job related, you know, something tax-deductible.

Here's an example of minimally exceptional.

Yowza!

sign on the door.

It's like Y2K all over again. This time it's at the pumps. You know, I haven't seen one of those old-style readers in a long time. I'm just surprised that the pumps could go up to $3.99. What I'm not surprised is that they can only count up to $99.99. I see a problem with posting the sign with the price of half-a-gallon of gas. Everyone is going to think that's the price of gas, swamp the place and then complain because gas is full price but displays half of it.

Interesting. Painkillers don't prevent Alzheimers. Hmm. OK, I gotta wonder about how these "scientists" came to the conclusion that taking Aleve could prevent Alzheimers. Derr, these people didn't get Alzheimers so it must be Aleve. Oh, they also drank plenty of water. Maybe that'll prevent Alzheimers. They inhaled through their noses, maybe that's the preventative medicine we're looking for. And they sit on their butts. *gasp* Is that the cure? What really scares me are the warnings that come with Aleve and Celebrex. Gastroinstestinal bleeding? Heart risk? It seems that drugs tend to cause more problems than they're supposed to help huh? Take this pill to help with your heartburn, but it causes your eyes to pop out at random.

Boy burned by the stupid game. It must be awfully boring in Wisconsin. Fun with burning other people.

Well, at least they were nice enough to put a sign out stating what was going on. Maybe a better idea would be to give doseages so you don't drive out nearby neighbors. Although I have to admit that it does seem to be a popular way to go. Cheap for sure. If that was happening here though, you know outraged parents or whoever, would ban detergent or sue Tide.

Wow. Those British girls are hardcore. Bombings? What are they? Irish? ooOOoo. Damn Catholics, always bombing Protestants.

In a bit of celebrity news. It's like the pot calling the kettle black.

i wasn't going to say anything

Remember back on Scrubs when Turk and Carla were trying to name their kid and they come up with Honor? For a girl? The rumor is Jessica Alba is considering Honor as the name for her kid.

"Did you get Honor?"
"I got Honor."
"Everyone got Honor."

That's just a terrible name for a girl. I mean it's a good sentimental choice, but unfortunately with today's lack of enunciation it becomes a bad name. It's not the same bad as "Apple" or some of the other celebrity kids' names but it's not good.


And it can't be Mildred either... that's the name of a blue-haired old lady in a nursing home.

reflex

As if life wasn't bad enough. Can you imagine getting robbed by twin, gay pornstar brothers? Well, that answers one question. Another one I've wondered about is where do midgets come from? From here apparently.

Whew. For a minute I was scared. I'm glad she's just having one baby. OK, more scared than I was before. I mean, at first she was pregnant and that ruined my chances. Then she got engaged and I thought "Oh, Crap!" So last week when I heard that she was rumored to be having twins I thought, "Well, that's just great." {sarcastic tone}

Win a date. I'd like to win the one with Scarlett. What? I'm superficial. I'm sure it's a worthy cause and all, but I stopped paying attention after, "Win a 'Special' Night With Scarlett Johansson." I did see the "click here to bid" though.

Ah, the dark side of the movie "Waiting." That's hilarious though, but I doubt it's going to keep cooks and servers from mistreating bad customers.

It's only funny because we were learning in class the rules for intiating a car pursuit and what circumstances to continue them. I can't believe he tried to run over a police officer.

This just raises more questions than it answers. 1. What was a lieutenant doing tasering a cow? 2. Why did he video tape it? 3. Why would you show it?
I can only think that he thought it would make a good training video.

ghost buster

Really? She's dating him? The dork from Punk'd? Huh, there's hope for me yet. I could've made that diagnosis, I think anyone could've seen that. Still, the sky is blue. Just thought I'd put that out there too since we're stating the obvious here. I'm deeply upset that parents would make medical decisions based on a fictional show. That's like letting someone perform brain surgery on a loved one because they've "seen a few episodes of ER." Or thinking that you're a hardcore soldier because you've played some video games. You know, I think I can fly a plane because I play those aircraft simulator games on my computer.

13 people? Really? That many complained? Well, you've got to bring it down! I think the company has a leg to stand on. Since I consider 13 people a minority of the population that took offense to it. Nah, I know it's more but there's a photo!

it ain't over yet

It's over. First this, and now she's engaged? Damnit! Well, there goes the dream.

chokin'

You've heard of them but rarely do you see them in print. We've had several discussions in my many criminal justice classes about these dumb laws. Now some of them make sense. I mean, in Florida it is illegal to have sexual relations with a porcupine. Makes sense doesn't it? I don't think it needs to be a law, but it is logical. What I wonder about it how these laws come about... is it because someone does it but since it isn't in the law books it isn't illegal, so lawmakers put it on the books? Or are people electing jokesters that put these laws in? Just find out how many "laws" you've been breaking. I've broken 14 "laws" in Indiana so far.

I'm less scared of a "Pinky & The Brain" situation than I am of just the fact that people are messing around with fear. That's not cool. Fear has been the best defense mechanism for hundreds of thousands of years. The mouse that doesn't run from the cat doesn't live long enough to have more mice. Same with humans.

Oh my God! It's eating the shuttle!

I don't know exactly how glowing kitties are supposed to help cure disease but I'm up for anything.

I see the logical in their argument but I would take it one step further and blame the lawmakers that made it illegal to consume those drugs in the first place. I mean, it's not like the police are out there just enforcing whatever they want, no, they're enforcing laws that are passed by legislation. Yeah! Sue lawmakers! It's not illegal right?

And the Top 100 Sexiest Movie Stars are... well, I won't go there, but I'll tell you this...
Jessica Alba is #4. Natalie Portman is #2. And the #1 sexiest movie star is... Angelina Jolie. Find out where your favorites are.

400!

Yum. OK, so I like the reader's choice more. Not that the other list wasn't good either, nice EW.

This guy is my hero. I mean, this guy is still living in the 60's. 1860's that is. Geez. I'll admit that it takes some guts to say what he's said but still. I'm going to mix some of his ideas here but stay with me. If stupidity is genetics, then women who find their unborn children have this gene should have abortions.

Again, we're not quite grasping the notion of what is newsworthy. Guy jumping off a bridge and breaking his leg isn't newsworthy. That's just a possible outcome. That's like getting a daily news story about the sun rising; couldn't think of anything better to report on? Guy planning on jumping off a bridge gets into car accident and car plunges off bridge is newsworthy.

Really? That's the excuse he gave? He's not a morning person? C'mon, I would've gone with the "Arreola" angle. That's just got to piss someone off. Nipple is off to prison.

Failing to train officers on how to search a quadriplegic? Really? Should there be a standard? I mean how often are they planning on doing that? OK, maybe more so with OIF vets.



Late at night I come up with some of my more wackier ideas. Recently, I've been paying attention to the Valtrex commercials. Before I've always thought, "You're banging someone with gential herpes! Stop!" However, people have needs so I've kept my mouth shut (for the most part). What scares me is that it is more common than asthma and diabetes. The scariest part though? One study found that up to 70% of people who had genital herpes got it from their partner when they had no signs or symptoms of an outbreak. I'll explain myself because I owe you that much. 70%. That means that 30% of people that have genital herpes got it from their partner when there WERE signs/symptoms of an outbreak. 30% of the people thought, "Eh, f**k it, let's risk it." 30%. I bet these are some of the same people that look at their hand when they look at the warning signs on a shredder and think for a moment, "Why not?"

tricycle

Danica McKellar was on HIMYM tonight. I had such a crush on her when I was a kid. I'm not kidding, honestly though who didn't love Winnie Cooper? What? And just because she's like super smart in Math isn't a total nerd turn-on, it's not like she's got a mathematical theorem named after her. Math doesn't suck! It's not like I'm obsessing over her. See how much I obsess? I'm not even going to point that at the end of the Pineapple Incident episode Ted said that he called her a left a voicemail, even though during tonight's episode he said he was too scared to call her after the Pineapple Incident. See? Not obsessing. I'm just glad they fit her in. How cool would it be if she turned out to be the "mother" in How I Met Your Mother?

Ah crap, now I've probably got to call my dad and talk. Uh, I mean, yay! Didn't buy it huh? Yeah, me neither.



On a serious note...
I'm touching upon this subject because I just wrote a paper in one of my criminal justice classes on what makes a cop and another on consolidation of police departments. The psych test is part of both. Still, I don't think that a psych test could've possibly prevented this. It's not like AR-15 rifles are banned in all states so it would be an easy purchase (you can get one for $600). And 30rds for 6 people? Not difficult either. I mean a pre-schooler could do the same amount of damage with a precision rifle like the AR-15. OK, maybe that's exaggerating details. My point is that you can't blame the psych test or lack thereof on this whole incident. Who would've thought that "worthless pig" would've made him snap? You can't blame police training on it either. 30rds for 6 people in a confined area? Please. That's 5 a piece. Now had he tossed in a flashbang and popped off 6 rounds for 6 people then, yeah, I'd blame the police training but that's not what happened.
I don't attribute his age as a factor either, like Steve Bocek blames either. You've never met a 20 year-old that was responsible enough to be a police officer? Tell you what Steve, go visit a military base. You've got 17 year olds shouldering that kind of responsibility, and well I might add.
Yes, it's sad, but don't blame others for the fault of one. He snapped. Nothing can change that. It was the police's fault, it wasn't even the kids that teased him. One man did this. Accept it.

seven more

CRAZY!

more than meets the eye

Went to see Transformers in the theatres on the 4th. Pretty bad ass movie if you ask me, once you got past all the backstory. Of course my buddy Joe pointed out that as with most comicbook to live-action movie there is always a lot of backstory. There has to be because what's in the comicbook can't always fit into a real movie. That's one of the faults but it shows off the writers' and producers' abilities. Hopefully the audience doesn't have to suffer. So my guess is that they're working on the sequel as we speak. I'm interested to see what they have in mind as far as storyline. Autobots, transform and roll out. How cool is it that Peter Cullen is still the voice of Optimus Prime?

Speaking of comicbook to live-action movies... it looks like Chim Chim is going to be put down. Christina Ricci is Trixie? I always thought Trixie was wholesome...

Huh, my bad. I guess he didn't go with the foreign car theory. Still, he's just throwing punches in the dark.

No natural predators? What are we? Chop liver? I say that hook is a pretty good predator. Unnatural, but still. Maybe some hand grenades or a car battery.

As a guy I have to bring this up. Really? There's a victim here? Well, maybe the teacher. And does it really belong in the "School Violence" section?

or die hard

I laughed so hard when I read this. It's not funny, but I think Happy Gilmore did this story. Seriously. A one-eyed gator, guy with one hand. What? Can't you see the similarities?

See? This is what I'm talking about. Running from the law is worse than just taking your licks. Instead of getting a ticket/fine this girl is probably facing three counts of negligent homicide, reckless endangerment, and a laundry list of things. So she was driving on a suspended driver's license... not a huge deal. Not only does she have to live with the fact that she killed three of her kids, but the 4th one now has no mother. Good job.

I'd hated to see the package this stamp has to go on. Someone has entirely too much time on their hands.

Like throwing gasoline on a fire. Not exactly the best policy for prisoners. *shrug* Well, whatever, they're in Sweden.

It's been two-weeks but I still miss the guy. Speaking of which, I didn't know Matlock was still alive. The things you miss huh?

wagons east

The porn-driven world. I guess I'm just a victim of society huh? I like it, it's my kind of world! Nah, I wish it wasn't but it's what the world is. You can't change it.

Wow, I'm glad I'm an adult now and not the kid I used to be. Arrested for a food fight? Gosh, I'm surprised they didn't send in the K-9 units. Trust me, nothing says "stop what you're doing and RUN!" like a K-9.

If you want to know, it'll be out on the 29th.

Happy Birthday babe!

kill me, kill me please.

"Adidas, meet Reebok. Reebok, this is Adidas' best friend, Gandalf." What ever happened to good ol' fashion names? James, John, Daniel, and so on? Yeah, George Carlin has done it before but nothing on this scale. I mean, REEBOK for Christ's sake. Who names their kid after a shoe? Why would you name your kid after a shoe? Yeah, it's a great shoe but it does not make a good name for a person!
OK, Gandalf is a pretty kick ass name but only for the right kind of kid. And unfortunately, the right kid for that name gets his ass kicked all the way through high school. It used to be tradition to name children after prominent leaders, generals, admirals, and presidents. George Washington Carver is a good example. These types of people shaped the world, affected policies on a global scale. David Beckham, on the other, is just a awesome soccer player (married to a Spice Girl). Randy Shughart sacrificed his life to save others against overwhelming odds. All he got were a couple of buildings and a ship named after him. I'd rather have a kid named after a Medal of Honor recipent than a soccer player.
Now Superman is just a great name, but it's not a good given name. More of a nickname. Plus, what if it turns out that your son, Superman, has ALS (amyotrophic lateral sclerosis)? How messed up would that be?
And Arsenal. SERIOUSLY? Again, good team but bad name. That's like naming a kid G&E or Sony. I guess I'm old fashion but I've put a little thought into what I'm gonna name my kids. If I have a boy, Depeche Mode. Yeah, he's gonna grow up to be a rock star because we all know that rock stars make excellent role models. For a girl, hmm let's see. Not Madonna, because she's a bit of a skank. Britney? Nah, I just keep thinking of single digit IQ scores. Oh how about Febreeze? It's a girl's name obviously, she'd smell really good too.

In about fourteen to sixteen years there's going to be a whole bunch of kids going all Menendez brothers. Yeah, can't wait for that to happen.

if i didn't do it

Probably a best seller by now, but OJ Simpson's book If I Did It sounds like a wonderful piece of fiction. I wonder how it ends? Maybe with the fictional main character writing a book about the whole thing and stating something about double jeopardy. Yeah, just when we've forgotten about the whole thing The Juice has to come along and rip off the scab. Couldn't he host one of those infomercials with the knives that can cut through cans and shoes? Ginsu. Or what if he did used car sales for a Ford dealership? C'mon, anything but a book that screams, "I DID IT!" to the public.

gonna fly now

Stupid outage. Stupid me for trying to post around the outage.

OK, so the new Rocky movie, Rocky Balboa or Rocky VI or whatever is scheduled to be released on Christmas. It is written, directed, and starring Sylvester Stallone. Yeah, seeing a senior citizen getting the crap kicked out of him really goes with the holiday spirit. I was disappointed to see Talia Shire's name not on the credits. I'm predicting that there's going to be a montage scene of Rocky training and they're going to cut in some other montage scenes from all of the other movies.

Well, I just watched the trailer for Rocky Balboa. It's gonna be interesting to say the least. Basically, aliens abduct Rocky after his last fight and cryogenically freeze him in order to fulfill an ancient prophecy. After a thousand years, Rocky is unfrozen and returned to a world that has forgotten all about them. Mainly because they're in this huge intergalactic war with another alien species and losing, the Earth is on the verge of annihilation when first group of aliens intervenes. Now Rocky must fight for all of mankind. His opponent is a six-arm alien with a tough outer shell. Who will win? It's anyone's guess. Rocky's got a personal stake in this too, because if he wins the aliens will restore Apollo Creed!

My money's on Rocky cuz he kicked the crap out of the Russian in IV.


Up next, Rambo IV. Seriously, check it out.

this day

OK, so it wasn't today but it was yesterday that Ed Bradley died. Which means that rule of 3's and 6's is in effect. Ed Bradley was number two, who will be the third?
In a nod to technological advancement, rumor is that Britney dumped Kevin via text message. I guess if the British courts can rule that it is legal to fire someone via text message, the same would apply to divorce. I'm just waiting for the first celebrity marriage proposal via text message. Not to be sidetracked by the news, Kevin's album entered at 151. Which means someone bought his album. I want to know who, so I can go kick them in the nuts.
A good PR move for Abby Cornish (whom Christy blames the break-up of Ryan and Reese on), she didn't show up to the premiere of her new movie, Candy. Hopefully, this whole thing with Phillipe and her will blow over, but until then, the only questions she'd be entertaining are those types. Which would not be good for the film and maybe her career in the short-term. In about a month we won't remember her name and then will re-emerge with Phillipe at the premiere of Stop Loss.

This day 231 years ago, the Continental Congress passed a resolution for the creation of two battalions of soldiers that would one day become US Marines. Semper fi!

Oh! Also, the first direct-dial coast-to-coast telephone service began this day in 1951. Ha, that was the start of the end huh?

In 1970, a whole week ended without a single American casualty in Vietnam. Awesome huh?

Well, tomorrow is Veteran's Day. Or as I call it, Hug-A-Veteran Day. Show some love for our men and women in uniform. Even if you don't agree with war, they probably don't either. Still, they serve and defend this country.