goodbye tonight show

Goodbye. It was a fun 17 years, many enjoyable moments and celebrities. The times we had. Hello Conan.

Now, for some serious stupidity. Really? They're against the Predator drones? You can't see all of those other planes that drop bombs either. Yup, blame the unmanned plane. That's what kills all of those innocent people, not the actual bombs that explode on impact. Besides, you can hear those manned planes because those damn pilots can't keep their mouths shut. You can hear them from miles away (and above).

Oops doesn't cover it. You know, there's plenty of blame to go around. I really don't think she should have to pay those medical expenses. Maybe get some money in return. Still, I think our healthcare system is a bit overwhelmed. Maybe we should fix that, and the 7-digit figure she'll be getting probably won't help that cause any.

Not funny news, good people doing good things. What got me was the headline link from the main page. It said "Pizza Man Helps Save Rape Victim From Remote Cabin." There's so many things wrong with that statement. First, who gets raped by a remote cabin? OK, rape isn't funny. Still. Secondly, Pizza Man? That's just got to be the worse superhero name ever. I mean, good for a late gaming session or drink fest, but not a good superhero name. What do I know though? As long as he gets the job done and saves the day.

Oh. Army MPs (military police) always making things so interesting. Always doing the right thing, looking out for the interests of the Army.

memorial day

So let's see what's been going on the Social Darwinism front.

What a failure. OK, so he planned to kill four students plus himself. Here's what end up happening, he shot at a teacher and missed. Then he shot himself and it took him a week to die from the self-inflicted wound. Miserable on every level. He was barely able to kill himself.

More proof that we're headed for doom. I really don't see how this could possibly be a good thing. I don't even understand how this could even be a show. No bad. Bad TV execs.

Umm. There are no words to describe this. It says "Police did not know if she had an attorney." What it should say is "Police did not know if she had a brain." 

Oh, if only there were more people like Lai willing to push these f**kers off bridges. I'm not too sure I'd do anything different if I were in that situation.

Wow. I'm barely on Twitter. What the hell? I feel old. I wonder if our parents got a breakdown list like this about the old-school pager codes. FMLTWIA????

scheduled outage

I've been watching The Guild. OK, I've already watched Seasons 1 & 2. It's great, I love Felicia Day. Maybe it's the gaming, violin, singing, or general nerdy-ness. Heck, it could be the Sears Blue Appliance Crew commercial. I don't know. Of course like any good obsession, I spent several hours watching The Guild instead of writing a paper for class. Well, I guess it wouldn't be a good obsession if it didn't interfere with normal life. I needed something to interrupt my 10 season + 2 movies, Stargate SG-1 marathon. Yup, I need to get a job.

There's just something not right with all of this. I can't put my finger on it. Hmm. I can believe suicide. I can believe digging a ditch. I can believe covering the hole with brush. What's got me is why a suicide would dig a grave and then shoot yourself. Cuz this explanation seems far from the norm. He dug a ditch, put himself in it, covered it up, and then shot himself? That's the only way it could've gone according to the article. Usually you shoot first, dig the ditch, and then cover it up. Now if it's premeditated you dig the ditch first, shoot someone, toss them in and cover it up. It's just that covering up the grave is to conceal its location. Dead people don't care where they're located (or at least they don't complain about it that much). Well, I'll never know the mind of a suicidal person, especially when they blow their brains out.

Well, it was just a matter of time. I blame the superhero movies, people taking the law into their own hands. It's the lawmakers that make crappy laws, law enforcement that can't do their job, the lack of funds for law enforcement. Nope, I blame the superhero movies.

Why I don't accept gifts from neighbors.

and there it is

Hehe. This put a smile on my face. It reminded me of Doofy from Scary Movie. Hilarious. Don't bother him when he's vacuuming his car. Speaking of movie references to stuff in the news, here's one that reminded me of Hot Shots! when Deadmeat ejected from his plane, survived but then was hit by the ambulance. That's what I thought the article was going to be about.

Not funny. Except for the end... "such a stiff sentence is unlikely." Really? You don't think that innuendo is bad in this case?

Ugh.

it's funny cuz it's true

While I applaud the idea of "thinking outside of the box" I feel that this is just a little too far out of said box. I'm sorry but I don't believe that Creationism is a science. I am just not firm believer that a scientist shouldn't disregard a theory just because it doesn't jive with the Holy Bible. I do believe that there is plenty of room in science for religion, but just not a whole lot of room in religion for science according to the Creationists.

Speaking of outside the box, I think this lady isn't just outside of the box she fell off the edge. Well, I'm not sure because I think the universe is spherical, or at least as spherical as an M-theory universe can be.

How bad does your life have to be to get help from Baldwin brothers, Stephen and Danny? I mean, seriously and it to be news? Isn't there anything better to report on in celebrity news? Anyone dying of some sort of brain injury? What? Too soon?

While it's related to the whole celebrity brain injury thing, helmets in this case don't save lives. Not in this instance. It doesn't do anything in skydiving either. To quote Jerry Seinfeld, "at that point, the helmet's wearing you..." Which I always found to be funny, not because of the personification of a helmet but it almost doesn't make sense. When we think skydiving accident, I'm sure that most of us think "chute didn't open." However, there's other injuries that occur too in which a helmet would save your life or prevent serious injury. We just can't help but think of the most extreme cases, which makes the joke funny. 

Hahaha. I like the comment at the end. "A small price to pay to say you have a "flying car." Air quotes are required whenever you do." I wonder who's going to be able to afford the "flying car" with the economy the way it is.

One could take from this article that NASA condones killing helpless bats. Sure they did a risk assessment, no harm to the orbiter. I thought they were out there to advance the knowledge of the planet. The whole planet, bats included. How can they continue to believe that when the road is paved over bats? I hope you sleep well tonight NASA. Too much?

playing doctor

Funniest thing this week. Made my day. Of course it adds new meaning to "wanna come over and play doctor?" For better or worse is yet to be determined.

common? sense

Crap. Here's the plot of the next National Treasure movie. Not that I'm opposed to them, just Nicolas Cage's receding hairline.

Not funny, but at least they didn't break the first rule of fight club. OK, it is kinda funny. But I'm thinking of tard strength, which is like the Hulk in most instances. You don't want to get into a fight with one, they have the strength of 10 men!

Another Nationwide commercial?

I'm just a student of criminal justice, but I'd have to say that he's most likely very connected to this case. At a minimum, he helped dispose of the body. Best case scenario, he killed her and then disposed of the body, went off his rocker and killed himself. Yay!

That's absurd. Don't these senators and representatives go to strip clubs themselves? If they don't, what's wrong with enjoying the show without a state imposed cover charge? Up next, the cover charge of fast food restaurants and a little extra to use the drive-thru. Bad government, don't impose taxes on patrons of private companies.

What I want to know about this "God spot" is if I surgically remove it from a believer would they instantly become a nonbeliever? Honestly, I'm just surprised they used the terms believer and nonbeliever in their article. I mean, what defines belief in God? Churchgoers don't necessarily believe in God, at the same time there are people that could be categorized as nonbelievers that do believe in God. As if believing in science precludes the notion of God. Blah, I'd talk for days about this subject.

Of course. Who wouldn't?

spreads like butter

OK, I'm not against assisted suicide, but I have to ask what did the husband have? Did he just want to die with his wife? That's cool, it's about choice I think. What confuses me is the Dignity in Dying charity organization saying that they'd still be alive if they had it in England. Uh, no. They'd still be dead. That's the point of the whole thing right? Unless they mucked it up and then they'd be alive, in a lot of pain but alive. Yeah, sure they could've put it off longer but they sounded motivated.

Environmentally friendly bullets? Really? You don't think that not having bullets would be more environmentally friendly? I'm not saying to stop war or any of that, but I do think that bullets do have a negative impact on the environment due to overhunting of certain species. I'm just saying, I think there'd be less hunting if we had to use a bow and arrow. It's a good idea I think, I spent 3 years purifying lead from water for drinking purposes.

It's stuff like this that pisses me off. Trying to be all PC. Maybe I am being all sexist when I'm saying firemen or mailmen, maybe it's just what I learned as a kid. I know, that's not right. I learned it wrong (or something) but sue me I'm comfortable with it. Do I want to spring for the sign that reads "Men, Women, and Transgender at Work?" No. The point isn't to identify what kind of people working on the side of the road, it's to POINT OUT THAT THERE ARE PEOPLE WORKING ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD. I'd be fine with a "People at Work" sign as a compromise but not just to be inclusive of everyone. Besides, an 80's band called "People at Work" probably wouldn't have done as well.

I would've called her bluff. I bet you she would've found someone to take care of the kids really quick when you started issuing combat boots to them. Sure it would've been a public relations nightmare, but I think it would've gotten the point across to people. Now you've set a precedence. Husband travels for work? Not as much while she's deployed. If not, we would use a couple extra sets of eyes on convoy duty. Huh, look how a caretaker magically appears.

If I ever commit a crime I'm doing it in Canada. No, seriously. I mean, what's the deterrence there? Kill your kids? 3 years. Criminal negligence? One count? Um, there's at least two counts there, one for each kid. Oh, is counting different in Canada? And screw the Yellow Quill First Nation! Let's assume that their statement is true, that the deaths were an accident. Fine. Who was responsible for them? They were 1 and 3, not capable of making decisions like this on their own. He was responsible, thus negligence. What what what? He was drunk? That's not a get-out-of-jail-free card, in fact that should be an aggravating circumstance. On another note, by the time he's released from prison (if he serves his full sentence) the kid will be old enough for him to leave out in a blizzard. 

I can see their point, I mean locking him up to keep him from stealing their food. But from a criminal justice side I have to say: 40's is elderly? Couldn't they find something better to charge them with? Like criminal confinement, cuz I think she won't be found guilty of injury of an elderly person.

I guess there really isn't a statute of limitation on homicide. Chances are the person they're looking for is in prison already.

yes indeed

I'm not saying it's right or wrong. That's for the courts to decide. But anyone that's cutting people's heads off on a bus has to be mentally ill. That's not normal behavior, it's also not good at the dinner table. OK, maybe I'm being dramatic. It was only one person's head that was cut off. Oh, he's going to evaluated to see if he's a risk to himself or society? Um, let's see. He cut someone's head off, so I'm gonna to have to say that he could be a threat to society.

I don't know why I find this funny. I'm just trying to imagine how he managed to bodyslam him. In my mind there's walkers involved, clanking together. I'm impressed that he did it though, go on old man. Seriously though, they think that previous history is relevant in a Alzheimer's case? Although it should be noted that violence isn't a solution to a problem.

Extreme. Violence doesn't solve problems. I can see how she's plead not guilty to a count of aggravated assault, because it'd be hard to link being depressed about not being pregnant to biting someone's tongue off. Counterpoint: bitches are crazy. I guess he won't be slipping anyone the tongue ever again.

**it happens

I really should've listened to my mom. TV can kill you. Of course it's not a metaphor like my mom intended... I hope. I did kind of piss her off at times, she may have been tempted to chuck a TV at me.

Is it just me or does this sound dirty? He "donated" sperm while they were dating. She confirms that he "donated" sperm but it wasn't the sperm they used. Sadly, I don't think sperm is the dirty word repeatedly used here. OK, maybe I am all dark and twisty.

Because it reminded me of a 'Sports Night' joke and not because I'm being mean. It's funny. "Canadian Coast Guard Rescues 22 From Flaming Ship." To clarify, the boat's on fire, not gay.

Eh. I'm not impressed. What would've been impressive was if the inmates built their own helicopter. I dunno from what, but MacGyver could've done it from some prison trays, a fork, and a floor buffer. See? That would be impressive and worthy of a pardon. Can't pardon anyone again for making their own helicopter, but still. If you go through all of that...

ding

Well, I've been gone but stupid people are still out there. You know what the worse thing about all of this is? They'll probably put new warning labels on dryers telling us not to put our kids in them. Something along the lines of inappropriate drying methods for babies.

What the? This doesn't make sense to me. How exactly did their civil rights get violated? I understand how someone not of this country can sue someone that is (I don't agree with it in this case). This is like suing God. OK, it's not but it's a frivolous lawsuit. It's like a burglar breaking into your house, then suing you cuz you shot him. Damn right I violated your civil liberties.

That was the plan? A delivery? I'm surprised that he's been alive this long. That was the plan, he didn't even have the ingenuity of a DiGiorno pizza commercial. At least that kid wrote "Pizza" on his hat and shirt. It wasn't much of a plan, in fact, it was the worse plan every.

Happy stuff!

back again

$3.7 million? That's a lot of money for um, yeah. Well, that's nice I hope they pay up front. Can't get a refund on that. Of course I wonder how one would go about to verify the quality of the product received. Ah yes, the answer to the age old question, "how will I pay for college?"

Not a bad idea. Ties into the story above, somehow. I dunno.

It is a good job. Not the best job in the world though. That would be to watch naked supermodels at said location. Well, about as great of  a job as I can think of anyway.

Well, then maybe the law should be changed. I think the spirit of the law is there, no sex with the students. Not just because it's wrong but because it creates a dangerous working environment. So as a teacher you can't have sex with a co-worker but you can have sex with an 18-year old student? Makes sense.

I just wonder what part of the deal wasn't honored. I mean, 100 cases of beer? That's alot, but was it the beer? Meat? Or cash? If it was the beer, was it because of quantity or quality? I mean, 100 cases of beer is great but uh, if it's a 100 cases of warm beer then I'm not interested. Same goes for the meat. $16,000 doesn't seem like much, but then again someone out there is willing to pay $3.7 million for a virgin.

Fat ass. They should or maybe more people should lose weight to fit into an MRI machine. What? That's not an achievable goal? What the hell is your goal then? Not to be fat enough that the fire department has to taken down a side of the house to get you to the hospital? C'mon, that's embarrassing.

twjwd

That's what Jesus would do. Right? I mean, there's ads prior to the movie that say "Don't talk." What else was the guy supposed to do? Still, I gotta wonder if the most important question is: "do we need to know what movie it was?" Does that matter? I suppose it's free publicity for the movie. "So good, people are getting shot over it."

Boo! This sucks. It was a classic. Now I suppose they're going to make the movie, Radio Flyer 2.0. Argh. What the hell? A 5-point safety harness? MP3 player? Holy crap.

A water-powered alarm clock? Um, OK. And $5 for a tire gauge? What the hell kind of tire gauge are you getting? Does it refill the air too? Crap.

Barf!

people consider it

It's the most wonderful time of the year. Me, I plan for the worse. I think it was a terrorist attack, I bet any minute now Hamas will take responsibility for the 'accident.' Yup, then we'll raise the threat level and the President will tell us that there are terrorist sleeper cells within the United States and to look out for other such 'accidents' throughout the country for the next couple of weeks.

Really? "Amtrak train strikes, kills woman." Like the Amtrak train had a mind of its own. Yup, the train just jumped off the tracks and hit a woman. Luckily for investigators, the train remained at the scene. No, these stories should be titled, "Dumbass stands on train tracks, expected ending."

Well, for Christmas Eve I tracked Santa on the NORAD tracks Santa site.  I also was prepared for Santa when he was spotted in the area.  People thought I was crazy, but in retrospect I think I did the right thing. That guy dressed up as Santa and killed a lot of people. Am I wrong to be worried?

Even though it doesn't relate to the holiday season, this story is funny. Nothing funny about strip searches but rather by lawyer's statement "She couldn't bring anything into or out of the cell, so why do they need to strip-search her twice a day? It makes no sense at all," he said." Well, if she's on suicide watch but allowed to go in and out of her cell for whatever reason guess what? To make sure she doesn't bring anything into or out of the cell she needs to get strip searched. Sorry, that's the way it is. Otherwise they could bring something harmful and then the family would sue because she killed herself while in custody.

Well, I don't know what criminal charges you could actually file in this instance. I mean, when they catch him. It seems pre-mediated because he passed up several other items that could've been stolen.

as previously stated

I'm man enough to admit that I'm wrong. There is someone apparently that would name their kid after ol' uncle Adolf. I'd like to point out that the reporter went out of their way to point out that they're of German descent. What does that matter? I think the bigger issue is that Wal*Mart has no problem with 'unique' names on cake. Sure they won't make a cake in the shape of a penis or other genitalia but Adolf Hitler Campbell is fine. What did the family expect when they named the kid? Hugs? Kisses?

Uh, I'm not sure if it'll work but go ahead and tax it. Obese? Taxing soda should cure that. Couldn't tax the fast food industry. Nope, they can't be blamed at all. What about vending machine food? Nope, those are as healthy as celery sticks. Huh, I guess you just gotta tax soda drinks that don't have 'diet' in front of them. What about 'lite' afterwards? Maybe there's another tax for Pibb Xtra. With a title like that you'd think there'd be more so that should be taxed more. How about Diet Dr. Pepper? I know it says diet in front of it but it tastes just like regular Dr. Pepper and that's how it's advertised.

That is one awesome 'Dear Santa' letter. All I gotta say is that kid is going to get a buttload of presents this year. It's a selfless letter, how could Santa refuse?

Ah, I know what I'm giving people for Xmas this year. Well, crappy presents disguised as awesome presents. Ho-ho-ho. 

extreme laughter

And I thought I was really messed up. How is that a 'quick' way to make a buck? $13,000? That's it? For two kids? Sure they're from messed up parents but you could probably get a better price. And for the record, there really shouldn't be a law against selling babies BECAUSE THAT'S NOT COOL! That's like passing a law against putting your finger in an electric socket or grabbing a hot pot with your bare hand. You just don't do that! There really should be a law against selling babies now.

What is wrong with them? I mean, they're in jail. You'd think that would be other things they'd offended by. You know, the high walls, crappy food, and overall standard of living.

I'd hate to think we'd discriminate against anyone. Truly. I mean, everyone should be made fun of, equally. I mean what's the problem? They were making fun of blind people? Or the man? I don't think he can take a joke, obviously. If he could, he'd be laughing. And besides, it's in a medium that he can't comprehend. What's the harm? Just put the thing on mute, it'll be like it never happened for him.

Well, I think this guy lost his job. Not cuz he got kidnapped but because he's not very good at it. I suppose it's because he got kidnapped. Still, that's just funny. Almost as funny as the kidnapping in 'Fargo.'

Crazy. Just crazy. That's just not a fair question. For two weeks? That's like saying people would give up sex for their cell phone for two weeks. Well, if people had the same amount of sex for the same duration that they used the Internet, that'd be a different story. It'd be an interesting question.

go ahead, laugh it up

Constipation is God's punishment for eating meat. The solution is cereal. They're gurrrr-eat!

Argh! More scientists being dumb. Or the media being stupid as well. I can't tell. Thanks for the verification people, now move on to something else. What's next? Proof of gravity? Newton would be proud. Or shamed, I dunno at this point.

Honestly, if you play anything enough you'd "break." Trust me, I know. My cousin Marcus put me through this back when he lived with me. Mariah Carey & Boyz II Men "One Sweet Day" was played almost continuously when it first came out. I don't know what that says about him, but for me I nearly went out of my mind. Complain all you want, but it is a valid method of interrogation.

Uh, yeah. I don't know what to think. Don't get me wrong, I think it's an impressive effort and I'm almost scared to ask how successful it's been in the past or if this was the first attempt. I mean, to copy a legitimate company vehicle as well as the effort it took law enforcement to track it is just astonishing. That's a ton of drugs, literally.

I think this was the point of those safe haven laws, where you can drop kids off at. Not the, drop a 17-year old off at. This is attempted murder, child negligent at best. You can't leave a baby like that, that is just not cool. Really? Abandoned babies fall under the Department of Human Resources? They don't have protective services? Geez, I'd hate to think that unemployment falls under the same category as abandoned babies.

back at it

We all have voices in our head. Most of them have valid points and bring up good ideas. Listen to them. Like how can anyone think that this is a good idea? There's a reason why he's a registered sex offender. I hope that she's OK, that she's safely passed out in her apartment. Still, when you train to run a marathon you sometimes think "oh, what's the worse thing that can happen to me?" Uh, well. THIS! I'm not saying that you shouldn't run a marathon. I'm saying be smart about it. Don't get lost in the crowd. Take a friend, run together with other people. Listen to the voices, you know, unless they tell you to kill someone.

Well, we knew that this was coming but there are so many fond memories. I'll miss them, but they are a bit out of place since digital cameras hit the scene. Actually, I'm kinda surprised they lasted this long against them. I bid you adieu Polaroid cameras.

I sometimes wonder why I donate to the NSF, I mean if they're going to do "research" on things we already know and in frivolous things I don't think I want to donate next year. I learned this is elementary school, a smile is contagious. Then I learned that it's not how many friends you have but the quality of friends. Both of these facts are known, but it takes research to realize that this applies to social networks too? Geez. I don't like the idea that is postulated at the end of the article. Basically you're saying that fat people have fat friends because they're fat. Can't have fat people interacting with the skinnies, nope that would be social suicide. 

Hey, I'm not knocking the idea. In fact, I think it's a good thing. Selling your hair to a company. Yeah, that's good stuff. Medical trials? Definitely, there's only so much research can do and at some point you need to test it on humans. Buying gold? Ha! That's just taking advantage of stupid people. Cash fluctuates, but gold is a better currency. Swindle the poor and stupid people. Good. The one thing I don't like is the guy that became a professional lab rat. Not the fact that he's putting experimental drugs into his system. Like I said, at some point we have to do that; I understand that. No, what I think is moronic is taking financial advice from a homeless person. Yeah I suppose it's like learning how to use a chainsaw from a guy with 8 fingers, but at the same time it makes you wonder if he's teaching your the right thing.

what is that smell?

OK, while I agree that the ticket isn't the smartest idea I don't deny what the trooper did was a prudent action. People do things that make it harder for law enforcement to believe every story out there. People speed, when the cop asks them why they reply that they're going to the hospital. They don't know who they're visiting or which hospital but they're going there. People lie and that unfortunately makes things harder for the cops, is that right? No, but it is human. Cops aren't infallible, I wish they were but they're not. And as far as Ms. Brown is concerned, there is bias but not as much bull.

So easy a grandmother can do it. Well, I hope that she doesn't have to put on her reading glasses before she shoots. Then there's the issue of targeting. A bullet is no good if you can't hit anything. Well, that's not true you can scare someone with a stray bullet but since it's only a single shot it's not like you can back up the previous statement (shot) with more. All I can say is that more guns can only lead to more gun-related injuries and death. Hehe, I like that your doctor can prescribe you one. Seems like that'd be a conflict of interest, but doctors could use the business.

This just seems like a contradiction. Well f**k, what's the point of having the pageant if it's after-the-fact? I guess they're just early for next year. If the little Christian kids want to do a pageant about Jews that's fine, let them do that. If the little Muslim kids want to celebrate Eid al-Adha let them. Although I find it ironic, because Jews and Muslims acknowledge Jesus, but not as the Son of God but as another prophet, like Isaiah or Abraham. Eid al-Adha is the celebration of Abraham's willingness to sacrifice his son in the name of God. God intervenes at the last second. Oh, like the Bible story! Blah. Religion.

Yup. He was a "great boss" but just a little misunderstood. That must be it.

that's what really matters

Used to be, if you wanted your boy to grow up tough you'd just name him Sue. I like this Mental Floss website. Although this is the first time I saw the list about weird names. I can't believe they compared #5 Yazid to #6 Adolf. I feel sorry for that guy. That kid must've had it tough.

"We named you after your uncle, Adolf."

And it isn't a blessing that his name is Alexander either. "Is there an A. Hitler in here?"

As far as the pact to not have kids, which is a great idea, I don't think there's a better birth control method than the name. Well, besides from the Neo-Nazis. I suppose only they'd want to be Mrs. H.

Here's something that I would think of but not have the guts to do. Well, maybe I would because they really seemed funny, but well thought out plans.

Ah, crap. This isn't a good thing for me. Nope. This definitely falls into the category of "not good."

AMTRAK v. Car. AMTRAK 1, Car 0. OK, not zero because one of them survived. He's in critical condition but that's surviving when good money is on not surviving. What gets me is the comments people are leaving. Some are like mine, pointing out the obvious "speed and stupidity seem to be factors in the accident." The others tend to be the softer side of the story, focusing on the lost and families. AMTRAK v. Guy. AMTRAK 0, Guy 1.

Hehe.

Would you, could you?

It just proves the old saying, "You're not dead until you're warm and dead."