crawling

How? But scary. Does the media really have to scare the bejeezus out of us every chance it gets? I mean, what else can cause cancer? Opening the fridge? I can see the local news commercials... "Can opening the fridge give you and your kids cancer? Find out tonight at 11."

It's a sad, sad day for the adult film industry... Zoey Zane is dead. I wonder why the put "fan" in quotations.

This guy must've grown up in North Korea. Or at least they've got the same ideas on punishment. And as far as blogging at work? Probably 50 lashes, it's a light sentence since they don't have Internet there... so basically you're writing in your pretty pony journal.

Ugh. I wish Owen actually did a good job. Instead he gets to date her? Michelle Ryan? C'mon! Now this? Damnit!

What the hell is a 14-yo doing with a crayon? Isn't that a little old?
Yeah sure I could've gone with the whole, "crayons are weapons?" But whatever, he should've been charged with possession.

Damn, that gift idea isn't that bad, except that it's a little too early I think. Probably because it was a crappy wrap job. Amazingly I have found that stoners are terrible gift wrappers. And they usually fall for this old trick.

That is a weird parole requirement. I bet this wasn't the first time he was gambling. See? Look at that I was just gambling. Too bad he got caught.

Maybe I don't want to stumble across anything. Stupid rule... The better one: "Finders keepers, losers weepers."

i don't feel one year older

Well, this morning I woke up and I actually felt a year older. OK, so I had to program into my cell's calendar that it was my birthday. So I wouldn't forget, see, that's how I know I'm old.

To counteract the effects of age I had a nice cold beer. I'd been planning this fateful morning for about a week. I made beer cubes. I took a Bud Select and made ice cubes so that I could try to drink my beer with ice cubes but not get the diluted effects.

It didn't quite work out the way I had hoped but it was good. I did fit approximately 1.8 beers into one glass which did rock. Bad side? The beer cubes melted into their component parts too quickly, leaving me with just regular ice cubes once my beer was done. I'll have to perfect the solution before I market this to the public.

The Red Cross has a president? And he makes $500k a year? How the hell do they help anyone with such large salaries? So when I donate $20? What the hell does it pay for? Toilet paper? No, that's not fair. That pisses me off, I'm not going to give money to those people anymore. Screw them.

HELL NO! I would've cashed that check. Yeah, I can see how that 2.2mil dollars could be mistaken for a $15 refund check. And I bet all The Man did was pat this citizen on his head and told him what a fine job he did by pointing out this error instead of cashing in on it.

And people bitch about their bosses and work? Get caught doing something stupid like making long-distance calls? You and I would get fired, in North Korea? The firing squad. Go on now, bitch.

24 was their go-to TV show? You'd think that they'd mention Numb3rs because I dunno, it deals with mathematics and crime-fighting? They even did an episode where they used mathematics to determine members of a terrorist cell. Nah, I can't see why they wouldn't use 24 as an example.

coming to

Somewhat of a valid opinion. I don't know but at least I know that when I'm dating Natalie Portman I don't have to propose. I'd say with people getting married in weird places is enough to dissuade me from marriage.

That seems to be a logical conclusion to the problem. Both of them had guns, seems fair to me. Maybe the next teen that gets in a road rage incident and pulls a gun will at least pull the trigger. Ah, natural selection at its finest.

I think drugs or alcohol were involved. I mean, is that a car or a house? Blam! Oh, it's a person. Sorry, they look almost identical to me.

Set those puppies free. As long as you're hot. i.e. they don't like eggs on hooks.

don't mess around with the guy in shades

Woo! Yeah! Is it really becoming a halftime ritual? They don't show it on TV. I guess it is a sport you've got to see in person. I've never booed, spit, or tossed beer at those that won't lift up their shirts. I'm enough of a gentleman to do that, but the guy in me says arrest those that won't take off their shirts. Eh, what can I say?

And they say that kids today don't have the spirit. OK, but this chick is crazy. I mean this is worse than that whole Kerri Strug Olympics performance. Seriously, what the hell is wrong with people?

How does one go about cleaning up that many eggs? That's got to be a bad job, scrambling that many eggs? C'mon.

Look, I'm not saying that I'm not going to take advice from a one-legged vegan, but no. I've never wanted to beat anyone with their own prosthetic leg before but there's a first for everything. Rat's milk? Plus, I'd hate to see the mass production of that. Worse, I'd hate to see the organic farms.

deal

I suppose it's the extremists in me, but I laughed at this story about a dog. I guess the dogs should be put down, but moreover, I think the owners need to be put down too. That'll learn them good.

Aww, I want to cry too. Not because it's one of those stories on Lifetime but because she paid $13,000 for tickets.

A good cause? What's good about blindness? Seriously... damn geriatrics.

Hell yeah! This is a good cause. Pole-a-palooza. And it's weird don't you think? That the winner only goes by a first name? At least it isn't something like "Sunshine" or "Candi." Hehehe, obvious stripper names.

That this is a funny story, but I think the editor likes alliteration.

for the love of...

Holy crap. For $13,000 I'd want something special. Seriously, that's a lot of money to go see one persona.

Really? He won? Every day I watch politicans it seems I find a new winner for "World's Biggest Liar." And the presidential candidates? You'd think some of the lies they tell would actually affect the entire world.

Oh what the hell, I say let'em. Throw in a grenade and let's get this whole thing started.

This seems like a good idea.

This is the type of training I'm going to next month. Yup, the awesome stuff.

ho ho ho

Huh. I didn't realize that they recruited this early for Christmas. Well, I guess not since Wal-Mart started playing Christmas music right after Halloween. What the hell happened to Thanksgiving? Besides the fact that it now only serves as a marker for the shoppingest day in the US.
Oh, I'm supposed to be ranting about ho's right? So women "might" find it offensive? Really? OK, first, I'm pretty sure damn near everyone that has been influenced by Christianity knows Santa's catch phrases. Second, the people that would "take offense" probably don't have that high of self-esteem anyway so who cares? Third, the only way I see this going badly is that if three chicks are walking by a Santa when he says "Ho, ho, ho."

Well, I suppose that it is more practical for them to learn than say, reading, writing, and arithmetic. Yes, taught to the tune of the hickory stick.

So it's a violation of department policy to be a moron. Interesting. On the bright side, I bet everyone is going to check to make sure there's no air cartridges in their tasers for the next few months (up to a year) because of this officer.

Door takes man's life. And of course what's any rural news report without a white guy and no shirt? I really don't know if it's any better than man killed by alligator.

What a moron.

by any other name

There's so much wrong with this video. OK, so the police were given a description of a serial rapist. "Hispanic" was the term used, now this radio station KMYL 1190 AM, is pissed off because the term is not very descriptive. They say that it is racial profiling, yet they claim that hispanic is an ethnicity. They didn't say it was ethnic profiling, which would make more sense, it's racial profiling... Still, my gripe isn't the whole ethnic v racial profiling. My problem is that on the show, to defend the police's stance was a former homicide detective. While he was ranting on about "...it wasn't a black male, or a Chinese male with his eyes like this..." as he says "Chinese male" he pushes his eyes back to slant them. Well if that isn't racist then I don't know what is.
I had a tough time finding the story on the web, apparently it isn't a big issue even down in Arizona. Good, because it's about finding a serial rapist, not a serial racist.

Hehe. Yeah, I just thought that up.

full of bologna

I've got to question the level of education in southern Illinois... Writing out the date, like November Second? Perhaps the house was called November Second? Then I'd understand that. Also, cookies? Tortured with cookies. What a wussy.

Wow, do you think they'll add this to the warning label of sleep medicine? To be honest though, it does warn against taking the medicine and operating a vehicle, as well as sleeping and eating. Do we punish the homeless guy for trying to get some? Plus, I've got to give props to this public defender (I'm assuming the homeless guy can't afford a lawyer so one was appointed for him) for doing his/her best.


Striking terror with a pink taser.

I'm waiting for the recent Hannity and Colmes show. Calling a suspect "Hispanic" isn't helpful. Plus, the black dude on there made the funniest comments. They were racist, but hilarious. I love it. More on it.

really?

OK. For like the last two months the monitor on my laptop has been getting progressively worse. At first it would only flicker once and awhile, nothing bad. Then about two weeks ago it started getting bad, I'd get huge white lines across the screen and it would white-out the entire screen and it would piss me off. It'd continue to flicker like this for awhile, then suddenly fix itself. Or vice versa, be fine and then out of nowhere it'd start crapping out.
I knew it was the monitor though, because I could plug in the 'monitor out' cable or the s-video, and it was fine on the TV or projector. So, what to do? Two days ago I went to Best Buy, where I purchased this nifty device. Luckily, when I bought it a few years ago I had the foresight to get the extended warranty of it. Well, honestly, it was a $2000+ laptop, I figure I should get the warranty too. Back to the present, I went to Best Buy with the laptop to get it fixed. The Geek Squad told me that it was a 1 month turn-around time. A month! Without my laptop? Even if I wasn't completely addicted to it there was no way that I could go a month without it. I need it for school! A month? Are they crazy?
About twenty minutes ago I was looking at my laptop and noticed that one of the hinges was slightly cracked open. Huh. Well, I figure I should pop them back together. Open laptop, and magically it's fixed. A month my ass.
Nah, I'll probably take it in later for services. You know, when I have a month to spare.

raven

Sounds tasty. Not sure I'd spend money on it but if I were offered one free, then I'd accept. Otherwise it'd make a nice addition to my collection.

2109 steps. In 15 minutes? Not bad for a girl. 13 minutes for a guy.

Nice people. Damn, I would've pocketed it and maybe visited an arcade.

Well that's understandable! I've forgotten stuff lots of times at the gas station. Usually I forget to pickup something like gum or milk, but I have to say that I've never forgotten my car.

Hehehe. Alien smuggling. Little green men from Mars.

what kind of day has it been

I haven't been feeling well these last few days. Not sick, but a few days ago I did a family visit to one of our fallen soldiers. He was a guy in our unit, assigned only for a few months and then deployed with another unit but it doesn't make it any better.






This should cheer me up some.
That would freak me out if I had a kid. A third nipple? Frickin' baby acne? Just more things to worry about when you have a kid.

Castastrophic engine failure? It fell off! Yeah, I'd need a change of underwear after that. I'll admit it, I ain't ashamed of it.

Hugs lead to other things? What is this? Footloose? Eh, if it's been on the books for 10 years I say let it ride! Plus, what really gets me is the fact that the school's mascot is the Indians. I think that's offensive to Native Americans.

Why is the color so important?

Serenpedity. The movie. Kate Beckinsale... Yum.

A world record? For what? The world's dumbest man? I'd believe it, more so because he's from Texas.

Wow, it's bad when Fabio calls someone a diva.

say it like it's a good thing

I don't know who is to blame, so I'm going to blame the pilots. I don't mind if one of them falls asleep during flight, I've done it before in combat. It makes sense, you might not get a full night's sleep but at least a power nap. Something is better than nothing. I just don't like it when the only two people qualified to fly the damn thing fall asleep and at the end of the flight no less. Probably the most dangerous part of the whole flight when they should be awake.

Well, it's not like she's a rocket scientist but this was just plain dumb. Worst off, she didn't realize until she had finished her shift. She must've been on cocaine to leave her kid in the car. Oh, the Martina Hingis stuff? Hmm, I used to have a little crush on her when I was younger. It's sad to see her go. I mean really, is cocaine really a performance enhancer? I'd think it would be more of a handicap than anything. I say let athletics use'em. If they do enhance performance than it'll be a better match, but if they don't then it'll still be interesting.

You'd think that a lawyer would know better, especially in children's service lawyer. And what kind of moron sets up a meeting like this in such a public place? In a state building? How about we set up this meeting at a police station or a jail?
And I love that "no harm, no foul" idea, yup. They only "tried" to have sex with kids, it's not that same thing as having kids. Right, I suppose this was just the first time for him to try something like that. I saw kill'em all, or we export them to a country that does. Let'em try it there.

bowling

Why? Not to belittle the loss of a police officer, but why would someone rob a doughnut store? C'mon people, doughnuts + police officer. They go together like a horse and carriage. That's like starting a fire at the fire station.

Why did he run off without his pants? Is this really a bad day for the guy? Maybe the homeowner but not so much for the bad guy in this story.

Things must be going bad for Iowa if they're taxing pumpkins. OK, I don't understand, I eat part of the pumpkin but use the rest for decoration, so would it be taxed or not? Next up, candy canes for Christmas. Yup, if you use them to decorate your tree they could be taxed.

More kids behind the wheel. They're almost like elderly people...

How do you "kick" an argument? I can't think of any two-word expletives, basically where both words are expletives. Stuff like "f**k you" isn't a two-word expletive because "you" isn't a bad word. Maybe it was something like "f**k n***ers." But I think that second word would count as a racial slur and I think the NAACP would get involved. Also, he "motioned" as though to kick off his rear view mirror? Is he talking about the side mirror? I call the mirror inside the "rear view mirror" and the mirrors outside on the side, "side view mirrors."

See? 75 is a totally doable number. Take out donations. I love these people. What better way to get rid of members by charging them? Too bad most of them are family members...

I was going to download the case, but decided that I would spend the money better on say, um, hookers? It's a funny case though I wish the best the Nicolle, whose parents couldn't spell and taught their baby girl the same high standards.
If you want to check it out yourself it'll cost like $15 and you should start by going here.