you asked

You know, some of my ideas are outside of the box when coming up with causes & effects. However, I think this one is in another zip code. Never in my life would I think that global warming would give rise to threats in national security. It's an interesting idea, but really? I don't think it directly affects terrorism. I guess that's just one more reason to drive flex-fuel cars or driving a hybrid. Up next, the global war on global warming. I gotta think of a snappy operational name.

This is BULLSHIT. What the hell is going on? I say open up the use of capital punishment. Introduce public flogging. Let the victim choose the punishment. To hell with this touchy-feely criminal justice system. Cruel & Unusual? You bet. Punishment is supposed to be cruel and unusual, otherwise it's not effective. On the 6 o'clock news tonight, a son and father are flogged together for a crime committed by the kid. Huh. Hold the parents accountable. Show the kids what happens when they commit a crime. If a victim wants the convicted to die, I say good. Sure, put a limit on it; like you can't get the death penalty for stealing a candy bar. The same punishments apply as they do today (or slightly modified) but let the victim choose what happens.
Oh no. A child rapist dies... I'm crying on the inside. I guarantee that the death penalty reduces the recidivism rate. Sorry, this stuff makes me a little angry. My contribution in remembering George Carlin.

Huh. I thought he killed himself because he got caught and was ashamed. My bad, apparently it's the tv show's fault. I say it's good, one less possible child molester out in the world. Everyone wins.

Hmm. Something about this doesn't jive with my senses. I believe the family, not the company. Yeah, I think an autistic child would be uncontrollable. Flying could be an issue. I don't think that a pilot would turn the plane around because she didn't put her bag in the overhead compartment. Granted, aviation security has increased in the last few years, but nothing to this level (I hope). Of course I'd be happy to find out that the kid wasn't autistic and she was kicked off the flight for not complying with FAA regulations.

I'm guessing that the 30-minutes-or-less delivery timetable isn't strictly observed. That's good stuff man. This is real news.

Hehe. It's an anti-redneck law.

For a hiking zebra I know.

if it at

Apparently, some time after 10am on Tuesday, my downstairs neighbor was outside doing some gardening when she came across a black cable. Thinking nothing of it, she hacked away cutting that cable and thereby severing my connection to the outside world. Nah, she just cut my Internet access and cable TV.
It is now Friday and the Internet and TV have been restored. I know what you're thinking. Someone like me going without both of those things for 3 days would be crazy. And it would be too had it not been for the Stargate SG-1 marathon I was conducting at the time. 10 seasons, each with 21-22 episodes (42 minutes a piece). Not a bad way to pass the time.

Thong injury? Yeah, not what I thought it was going to be. I was thinking something along the lines of an atomic wedgie. Huh, shows you how much I know about women's underwear because I didn't know they came with decorative metallic pieces. Plus, I don't want to think about 52 year-olds purchasing or wearing thongs. And I wonder why they didn't allow them to see the evidence.

Holy c-section Batman! 28lbs? Twins? Uh, that's huge. And somehow they managed to compare it to the other largest twins in the state, which was 18lbs. Geez. What the hell were they feeding them? Steroids? There's healthy and there's obese. I'm just saying from a statistical standpoint, if say a healthy baby is somewhere in the vicinity of 7lbs, those twins were 28lbs and average that out to 14lbs a baby, then those babies are twice as heavy as a normal baby. Of course looking at the glass half-full, we come to the conclusion that the twins are twice as healthy. Welcome to the world kids.

I am Cornholio! I need TP for my bunghole. Cocaine is a helluva drug.

What the hell is going on in Canada. No seriously. Because the last time I checked, it costs money to take someone to court. And unless allowances have gotten bigger, I can't imagine a 12 year-old having that kind of funding. So I'm guessing that either she got financial support from a third-party or someone did the work pro bono. Since that means adults. You can't sue your parents because you think a punishment is unfair! And the punishment was "too severe?" No, this is severe. And this is severe. (To clarify, I still don't think they can be described as "torture.")

I'll say it again. Cocaine is a helluva drug. WTF? Is that what's cool now?

the day after

Ah. Father's Day violence. Nothing says "Happy Father's Day" like busting a cap in your baby's momma.

OK. I'm not saying what she did was right or wrong, but what the hell? What exactly was the purpose of the whole thing? Then, you gotta wonder what the hell is wrong with the girl. Dude, if a stranger told me that the world would be better off without me, I'd verbally agree with them but never hang myself. Self-esteem issues huh? I guess that's the difference between boys and girls. Well, I'm interested to see if this becomes a landmark cases. It could open the door to prosecuting online-bullying and such.

She's got a hot backside. That sucks the excitement out of that movie. I mean, she's hot! Show that backside. I wonder if I could stage a protest to support showing her ass. Eh. Not as depressing as the whole story. I like some junk in the trunk.

That dog has got to have the worse lawyer. Not only did he/she lost $10million but the grandkids got money too? Damn!

Dude! That's got to be the worse case scenario of an asthma attack ever. I bet that's not on any disclaimer. Asthma may cause blindness, loss of ability of walking and talking.

Brain music?

Eh. I guess that's not a bad thing. Democracy hard at work. Is it even legal to win when no one votes? You'd think there needs to be a minimum above 0. Say... 1? Although if someone votes, they'd be blamed for the future problems until the next election.

father's day

Because I am always forgetting important days like birthdays and anniversaries, days like Father's Day seem to be the worse for me. It's on the 2nd Sunday of the month, carry the 4, and don't forget to multiple for leap year. Grr. Thanks Internet, for helping me remember days like these.

There are tomatoes in McDonald's food? Huh. That just goes to show how much I know about fast food. And why are we getting salmonella from tomatoes now? Yeah, I realize that it's actually the food handling process, but it makes it sound like that the tomato is the actually source of the bacteria? Virus? Disease? Hmm, I am now able to link illegal immigration to salmonella... more to come on that.

Aw. I love a good love story. You know, where they overcome the obstacles they face, battle the stereotypes, and/or fall in love in the most unusual of circumstances. Let me get this straight (no pun intended), the church is saying it is not a marriage. So what's the problem? Is it that they're priests? Gay? Or that the liturgy contained "Dearly beloved..."?

This is truly a tragedy worthy of a news story. He should've gotten both dogs. Yup. A damn shame. I'm kidding. It sucks, but the dog was on the leash which I'm guessing meant that the owner (Robert Machin) should of had positive control of the dog. i.e. doggie no go under street sweeper. This version has no spin to it. I love how the end makes the driver and the city sound like a villian by stating that the driver is still at his job while the investigation is ongoing. The only way they could spin this more is if they said "So dogwalkers beware!"

Excessive? No. Throwing a nurse in jail for 10 months for allegedly stealing the police officer's weapon is excessive. I gotta wonder what the evidence in that case was?
PROSECUTION: She was there, therefore she committed the crime.
JUDGE: Are you backing that up with facts?
P: Yes, your honor. She admits to pulling the police officer from the vehicle.
J: OK. By your hypothesis you have proven you're case.
Uh, yeah. $7 million isn't excessive. Forcing the prosecutor to be castrated for making such a case might be excessive. Oh, she's black. Yeah, she must've done it.

I hate crimes against children. That's just wrong. However, I wouldn't call this torture. Abuse? Yes. Torture? No. I mean, torture implies that there was something the lesbians wanted from the kid. Either pleasure or information and I can't see how the 5 year-old had any information relevant to extract. And call me racist, but judging by the names I'm going to go ahead and say he's black and so is his mother. Maybe the girlfriend too.

Uh, yeah. Aren't those fancy vehicles designed to prevent such a thing? Well, I'm guessing that someone is suing Lexus.

one day

OH NO! Goose is dead. Again. That sucks. Navy Fighter Weapons School. The pilots call it "Top Gun." You know that they were contemplating doing a sequel?

There's no money in selling gas? So that billion dollar industry is what? A not-for-profit agency? Maybe they smell the age of the alternative fuels coming and want to get out of that business. Although I have no idea what they are going to do. I guess there's a lot of money from petroleum-based products. Those hybrid cars still use tires to roll around on, gotta love the money in that.

5 years? That's it? For the guy that plotted to kill a bunch of people at the Super Bowl? That's it? Oh, he's not a bad kid. I could understand five years for plotting, but the fact that was he was caught in the parking lot with a rifle and a lot of bullets. It wasn't like he was just on MySpace talking about it, he was IN THE PARKING LOT! OK, maybe it's a bit harsh I dunno. His defense was that he snapped? I can see how not getting a liquor license requires the shedding of innocent blood, but how is 200 rounds going to accomplish that? I mean, unless he's a pro or he's got plenty of ammo it can't be done. "Drunkenstein"? That's got to be worse villian name ever.

Holy cow! Those are some thunder thighs. I'm not making fun of her or her condition. Just the thighs. Dang...