This is spurred from a call at 7:30 this morning. My buddy Bill called me, I answered, and he says, "Hey you up?" No dumbass, I frequently answer my phone while still asleep! Oh no! I'm sleep-answering again! Just when I've conquered sleep-walking and wetting the bed! Answering the phone and saying, "Hi Bill" is something I do every so often in my sleep. YES I'M UP!
He also likes to ask me things like, "What you doing?" I'M TALKING TO YOU ON THE PHONE, YOU MORON. But instead I give him the universal "Your mom" answer. I understand that he is asking if I'm doing anything important but let me tell you right now, if I answer the phone then I'm not doing anything more important than answering the phone. I have time, but not for asinine questions. I think I'm going to start answering that question with random events.
My favorite though is "What you doing later?" What am I? A fortune-teller? It's later, meaning in the future. If I knew for sure what I was doing in the future I wouldn't be here huh? The future is unknown. Sure I could plan to go out to eat at TGI-Fridays but my apartment could catch fire and thus negate my plans. Now if you had asked me if I have plans, then yes I have plans. Are they important? Nah, I can break them if necessary. Specifics people! Stop wasting time that could be better spent. We're already friends, that's not going to change because you aren't wasting my time. Especially my daytime minutes on my cell.
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2 comments:
i keep telling everyone that phones suck. why does no one ever agree?
well... maybe it's because the phones don't suck per se. people suck. like i suck cuz i've got unlimited internet access AND use it. i suck cuz i decided to put all three of my email accounts on my phone so it updates like crazy. i suck cuz i went ahead and got it from my friend.
the phone is what it is. 98% of the time it's the operator, not the machine that's broken.
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