Tuesday, October 31, 2006

i love the rain

The rain. I love to watch people scurry around, thinking that if they run maybe they'll get less wet. Or people that hunch over to protect themselves as if it was acid rain instead. Then there's the people that act like it's the end of the world! *gasp* Even though according to Revelations, the Earth will be cleansed in fire and not water. So as long as it's falling from the sky, the world's not ending.
I think I'll blame this on the Army. "If it ain't raining, we ain't training." I got used to the rain over the span of my military career. I swear, ever time (EVER TIME) we went out to the 'field' to train it'd rain. It didn't matter if it was summer or winter, at some point whether it was driving out there, driving back, setting up or tearing down, it ALWAYS RAINED. We'd get all muddy, then there was always the fighting. We used to think that they scheduled training around the weather. "Oh, it's not raining this weekend? Let them go out. But it's going to rain at 3am on Monday? Sounds like a good time to roll out to the field." So it was that.
In Iraq I had a lot worse fall around me than rain. Look people, it's just water falling from the sky.
Plus, in the last six rain days I've only used my windshield wipers twice. Got to love that Rainex. Last night Stacy got washed, another coat of Rainex, her wheels polished and a wax with the buffer. Yes, I spoil her. *sigh* I need a girlfriend.

the news in the morning

There's nothing better than reading the news in the morning to make me smile. The news is filled with stupid people, doing stupid things and it makes you wonder 'How?' For example, one piece of news is the shooting outside of an Indianapolis strip club involving several members of the Indiana Pacers. This following their new campaign that they are changing the organization, for the better, all around from the players to the lady that works the front desk. And now the NBA commissioner is implementing change within the whole organization. Great! So now you're trying to teach morality to a bunch of people that never in a day of their life had any? Good luck with that. I guess the incentive of keeping their multi-million dollar paychecks would 'make' them go along with the change. Huh. That just sounds moronic.
Now I don't have anything against incentive programs, but shouldn't the underlying theme be a love (passion) for whatever it is you're doing? I love what I do, unfortunately I don't get paid much. After bills (rent, gas, electricity) I have about $200 for other necessities (gas for car, food, clothing, movies). To add to my income I have my Reserve drill pay, which maybe another $200 but I have to drive 206 miles (one way) to do this. So why do I do it? Because I love it. Sure, it'd be great if I could collect a million dollars a year for what I do but I don't and it doesn't stop me. I come in 30 minutes early and leave on-time or later. I work from home afterwards and even work weekends. All for the measly paycheck I collect. I say let the basketball players work for $5.25-an-hour plus tips, keep the strict dress code and the ban on firearms, and see how many keep playing. Love of the game right?
So basketball players get paid huge sums of money to entertain us. Interesting, and what's the shelf life of a basketball player? Twenty years? Thirty years? Oh well, they're set for life once they retire. Of course they'd have to be set for life when they retire at 35, it's because their f**king morons that have no marketable skills beside throwing an orange ball into an orange hoop. Woo! I said let them carry guns onto the courts, I'll watch from home. That'll make the game more interesting. I think more people would watch. A guy goes up for a dunk and BANG! Did someone get hit? No? Oh, he didn't make the dunk either. Now if a team scores a 100 points, they're the winner. Plus it'll thin out the herd once they learn how to shoot. And for the playoffs, let the audience bring in their own firearms. More motivation I say, players could be shot by the opponent's fans or if they miss a shot or pass, then one of their own fans could shoot them. How's that for incentive?

Monday, October 30, 2006

violent cities

St. Louis takes the #1 position as the most violent city in the United States. This is not even including the burbs of St. Louis. Good job. Finally the Midwest can be known for something! Although I find it hard to believe that St. Louis is THE MOST violent city.
Here's the list if you want to know where you live is 'safe.' Indianapolis didn't even make it in the Top 50 Violent Cities. It was # 51. New York didn't have an entry until #31. California has more entries than any other state. Go Schwarzenegger!
I don't know how accurate the report is considering all of the information gathered. Although I guess it is somewhat accurate because it is based on a sliding scale. Obviously murders and the like are rated higher than say, shoplifting or petty theft less than $5000. My issue with this is the fact that it only covers reported crimes. By reported I mean that the police file it, not just someone that calls 9-1-1. Or if it is filed, it could simply be 'misfiled' under a different category. I know this sounds too absurd, but think about the effects of a report like this could do to a city's population. Property sales would go down because everyone doesn't want to live there, the price of living would decrease, businesses would be reluctant to put offices there and there's tourism to consider. Who wants to go see the Arches if there's a good chance that you could be mugged and killed? Hmm, interesting... If you live in St. Louis, I suggest you move to Detroit because they're only ranked #2 so they're less violent.
If violence is not your cup of tea then I suggest you move to Brick, New Jersey.

Friday, October 27, 2006

it's just a video game


Bully the video game. Now I'm all for video games, some are entertaining and some are educational (without the player even realizing it), but this one is just an idiotic idea.
I can't wait for the string of violence to arise from this video game. OK, maybe violence is a little harsh but I'm sure torment of other kids on the playground will increase.
Who actually approved this concept? Video games like Ace Combat or Need For Speed actually provide some sort of entertainment or skills value. How you ask? Ask any Air Force pilot if they'd played some sort of fighter simulator game before actually becoming a pilot. Most have, it's what made them pursue a career in aviation. Need For Speed? Hand-eye coordination, reaction time, and driving skills. It's good.
This is too close to home though. I don't even mind video games like GTA because it is so outrageous. I mean, being a bully at school is video game worthy? Why? Is it fictional? Or based in reality? It's about as tasteful as a video game called 'Al-Qaieda' or 'Jihad' in which the player controls a Muslim who goes through camps to train on how to build bombs and then goes out to kill infidels or possibly infiltrate the U.S. and blows up a two really tall, adjacent buildings in New York City. Oh, that's not cool? Why not? It's just a video game. Doesn't that sound like a best-seller? Well, overseas maybe.
Seriously though, where's the line? What makes a game company produce and release a product like this? I understand that the owners were probably nerds that got beaten up a LOT when they were younger so it would be cool to be able to be bullies (via video game interface). So now they're contributing to the problem, which is so great huh? In fact, I think some current bullies will get some ideas from the game to try on other kids. Then, when the bully is being tried as an adult for voluntary manslaughter, he'll be up on the stand saying that he got the idea from playing the game. WONDERFUL!
After 'Bully' does Rockstar plan to release a sequel? Because I've got the storyline and title. 'Bully 2: Revenge' where you control the nerd that gets picked on and then you go on a school rampage, killing students, teachers and police. It first starts off with flashbacks of getting beaten up as you're selected your arsenal. Guns, bullets, knives, and maybe a cheat code for grenades. Stage two: get past all of the metal detectors at school and avoid RFI detection. Stage three: go postal and get the bullies that beat you up. Stage four: blast your way out when the police arrive. Here's the catch though, if you die, you start back at the beginning to select your arsenal.

Thursday, October 26, 2006

couldn't say it better

Weight Gain Means Lower Gas Mileage

Finally, an article after my own heart!

i want charles in charge

While surfing the Internet I came across a disturbing article. You might ask what could disturb a seasoned combat veteran? Well obviously I'm going to tell you otherwise I wouldn't have typed it. Show executives, in an effort to keep viewers, are going starting to forgo the traditional opening credits and theme songs. I realize that viewership is going down on the average, but it's tradition to flip to another channel when you see those opening credits roll. It's not the show's fault that viewership is down. It's the network's. Yes, those 40 seconds are so crucial! Let's forget about the fact that your typical 30-minute show is actually only 22 minutes of content (this is an average) and your 1-hour show is about 45-48 minutes of show. To improve this situation the network force 2-minute long commercial breaks every five minutes of show time. Wow! Just as the storyline gets good I have to take a two minute break, makes for suspense right? Or does it just serve to piss people off?
It's actually lots of little problems that make this thing a big issue.
1. Networks make money on tv spots. The better the show, the more money it costs to get your commercial in.
2. Assinine shows get good ratings.
3. Networks hire assinine writers to write assinine shows.
4. Assinine writers can't write 27 minutes of show every week, maybe can fill 20 minutes.
5. Network takes advantage of this and charge the same amount for spots but have more spots and make more money.
6. Network realizes that they could do the same to ALL programming, charge the same amount while expanding the amount of commercials.
7. Assinine show fails. Network realizes that they need to hire smart people to write assinine show.
8. Content quality increases but time allotted does not, producers forced to take from where they can, the show.
9. End credits scroll below during final scene. Opening credits cut to make more time for show content.
-> next step 10. Show ratings go up, network wants more slots and takes more time from the show.

I can just see it now, all of the writers and producers band together to make their own network and sell it over the Internet. The Internet becomes the new TV. Meanwhile, the networks in their attempt to regain their writers and producers make a brand new "CTV" or Commercial TV, commercials 24/7.
Also, what's been going on with Prime Time? Wasn't it back in the day 7-9pm Monday-Friday? Now it's 8-10pm? Is this an attempt to make it unappealing to the youth? Because it was usually adult-content programming after 9pm which was our bedtime and therefore didn't watch. Is that the same principle? Because it's retarded! The shows are marketed for the youth population! Now we've got 14 year-old boys and girls staying up to 10pm to watch The O.C. Yeah, that's just genius. And with the level of technology, you think they're going to wait to talk about it at school the next day or hop on the Internet afterwards or text message each other? So now they're staying up till midnight talking with each other. Brilliant! Here's another idea, to bolster attendance in schools, what if we handed out illegal drugs at class? I bet more kids would show up, granted I don't know how much they'll learn but they'll be there!
Grr, the focus of the whole country is askew.

Wednesday, October 25, 2006

read the fine print

Over the years I have enjoyed reading the fine print in TV commercials for various products. Of course the most noticeable are the ones that like to contradict themselves, state the obvious, or are just plain stupid.
I first started a few years ago with a Bayer commercial. The voice-over told us that if (Bayer) taken during a heart attack could prevent death. Wow! That's a miracle drug! Wait, but the tiny, tiny print at the bottom says that there's been no proof that if it was taken during a heart attack that Bayer could save a life. Which is it? Huh, that's scary.
Lipozene is a new product that has not received FDA approval but currently advertising. It is a weight-loss product. "In a University study 78% of the participants report weight-loss." OK, first off I haven't heard of a company called University, because if you read it, they capitalize it as I did which leads me to believe that it is the name of a testing company. Next, in the fine print area they actually tell us that the average weight loss was 3.86lbs. Let's round that up, so that's 4lbs. Really? That's it? I know that's an average so there's some that lost a lot of weight and some that didn't lose much or any at all or gained a few pounds. Hmm, interesting. Moving on now, one of the key selling points of Lipozene is that "you don't have to change your diet" and you could lose the weight. Unlikely. But at the bottom of the screen it says that "Diet and exercise are recommended." Again, what is the message? If I take Lipozene and just sit on my couch I could lose weight? Or if I go out, exercise and eat right I could lose weight? It didn't say that I had to take Lipozene AND diet and exercise I'll lose weight. Look, weight-loss is a simple formula. Input vs. Output. If you use more calories than what you put in, you're going to lose weight. Nothing new. I want to flip back to the beginning of the commercial, where the lady tells us the causes of weight gain and then she reassures the audience that "It's not your fault." Wait. WHAT? It's not MY fault that I'm fat? Yay! Apparently there's some sort of Fat Fairy that comes around every night and shoves Twinkees and Ho-Ho's down my throat while I sleep. If you believe that I have some prime beach front real estate to sell you at the bottom of the Pacific. Look, I'm fat because I'm lazy, I don't exercise, I eat badly, I smoke and drink, and I don't care! It's my fault. I don't blame anyone else.
Actually, I do care. I've always planned on getting back in shape (yes, I know round is a shape but that doesn't count!) and hopefully do something productive with my life. It's just there's no real motivation for me to lose this "insulation" just yet.

Tuesday, October 24, 2006

oh my!

Continuing with my adventures in finding headlights for Stacy, I return a second set of headlights to WalMart. In my infinite wisdom I continue to believe that it is operator error, that maybe I'm retarded. So instead of getting angry at computer that told me Honda CRX - 9006 I decide to go to Autozone, that way I'm able to talk with a knowledgeable person in the field. Also, I'm able to take the merchandise out of the store to test without having to purchase it.
At Autozone I also bring in the old headlight to use as a comparsion, another genius idea! I explained my dilemma to the sales rep, which he was very understanding of. Typing in his nifty-difty computer he looks up what I need. 9006. OK, let's check the rack. Look, 9006. Compare to what I have in my hand. Nope. The plugs don't match. Huh. OK, let's check some of the others. Nope, nope, nope, nope. Yes! A match! 9005. Are you f***ing kidding me? Damn, so the computer was wrong! You'd think that someone would've caught this small error BEFORE now! Actually, no, I understand why. I have no idea who I'd call to rectify this problem.
I must remember not to go to Autozone when I'm sleep deprived, I started buying things that I didn't really need right now at this moment. For example, I bought wheel shine stuff, even though I won't be washing Stacy for a bit. Also purchased, windshield repair kit. Unfortunately it needs continuous heat which can't be provided in the cold.
The first snowfall here was kind of disappointing. Well, I consider it snowfall because white powder-like substance fell from the sky and landed on objects, then quickly melted away. It didn't even last an hour and it was gone.

Sunday, October 22, 2006

the incident of the big fuzzy spider

My original plans for the weekend changed. Again. Still, you gotta roll with the punches and wanted to make this weekend LEGENDARY. Unfortunately, we only got to LE. Early Saturday started out like any other weekend. Needed to get my shopping out of the way. That meant a trip to Wally World. Stacy needed some new high beam lights so I looked them up and selected a set. Yeah, turns out they don't fit. No problem, I only spent $118 at Wal-Mart and $52 came from headlights. Money well-spent. I go back Sunday to return those wrong headlights for another set of wrong headlights.
Back to Saturday, after I was done trying to fix my car, I get a call from Bill. Doza is here and wants to go to Columbus. Ohio. "Dude, I was just there last weekend!" So I get over to Bill's and we're trying to figure out what we're going to do. Doza goes ahead and leaves, Bill's got some stuff to take care of, and me, I'm just completely unprepared. We all drive separately, I call some friends from my unit to see if we can't make this weekend LEGENDARY.
Three hours later, we're in Columbus. Hungry and thirsty. Well, Applebee's is nearby and could potentially solve both problems. Drinking begins, moving from Applebee's to O'Reilly's and eventually to our buddy Jim's place. I don't know how much I drank before I left Applebee's but I had this brilliant idea to steal the giant fuzzy spider hanging on our light. Yes, so I pull it down and start folding the legs in to fit inside of my jacket. Making it out wasn't hard either, but unfortunately there was a casaulty... my black watch cap is gone. I have no idea where it is or who has it. It's getting cold outside and Stacy's heater doesn't work... bad combination with no cap. Bill says it's OK though because I got a spider out of the deal. I would much rather have my wool cap.

Friday, October 20, 2006

except

Life is good. At work I've got Dr. Pepper and Hot Pockets waiting for me in the fridge. I've also got my iPod hooked up to speakers with a remote, so I don't have to reach my lazy-ass arm all the way to iPod but instead the remote halfway to it. To top it all off, my favorite piece of office furniture... my chair. Anticipating long work days in which I sit for hours, I bought a nice comfy chair that makes most of the chairs in the office. The stand-out feature of this chair though, is that it is also a massage chair. It is rechargable that plugs into the wall at the end of the day, targets three zones upper back, lower back and thighs, with three intensity settings, and three modes.
The only thing I could ask for is better weekend plans. So far the only thing on the table is car maintenance and DVD organization. I haven't even started to organize my dvd collection, which I'm looking forward to sadly. The car maintenance is a must, since it is part of my livelihood. Stacy needs a new heater core, which doesn't cost alot but takes a lot of work to get into place. Still, overall, this has been a good week. Got lots of work done and ate some good food.

Thursday, October 19, 2006

insanity

I think it was Albert Einstein that best defined insanity. He said that insanity was doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.
Since I have gotten my Indiana cell phone I have received numerous calls for Dave. Some from people in Indiana, others in other states nearby. I don't mind it so much because that's life. Someone you know is bound to call your old number. Fine. I accept that. What I hate are the people that call numerous times, sometimes consecutively.

Me: "Hi, this is Dan."
Other: "Hi, is Dave there?"
Me: "No. This is Dan."
Other: "Oh, OK."
(dial tone)
(phone rings)
Me: "Hi, this is Dan."
Same person: "Hi, is Dave there?"
Me: (firmly) "No."
SP: "Oh OK."
(dial tone)
(phone rings again)
Me: "Look, you keep dialing the same number you're going to keep getting me."
SP: "Sorry."
(dial tone)

Once I even got a drunk girl asking for Dave to pick her ass up. When I explained that I was not Dave but in fact me, Dan, she asked me if I was sure. Then she asked if Dave was around, to which I replied no because you called Dan. She thought I was rude, which I was, but it was 4am and I had just fallen asleep from a night of drinking.
I'm sorry, but I've got a short fuse for the stupid. Is it possible to dial the same 7 or 10 digits and get someone else? Is there someone else out there that has the exact same phone number as me? Including area code? The phone company is just splitting up who gets which calls? Is Dave getting calls for me? Or is it possible these people that keep calling me are complete f***ing morons?
Pluralitas non est ponenda sine neccesitate or K I S S (Keep It Simple, Stupid). It is possible that two people could share the same phone number, although I'd like to believe that there are morons out there with basic phone skills (dialing) and no concept of what they're doing.
However, since I have taken the rude approach to answering these types of calls they have dropped to nil. Haven't gotten a call for Dave in a long time. Either I shocked them enough to stop calling or the phone company finally sorted out our calls.

Wednesday, October 18, 2006

be all that you can be

The United States Army has a new slogan to get more recruits. Army Strong defines the strength of the soldier. Emotionally, physically, and mentally.
When I joined six years ago the slogan was "Be All That You Can Be!" and they had that catchy tune to go along with it. Then in 2001 it was changed to "An Army of ONE." The geniuses behind that program also made ONE an acronym, Officers, NCOs, and Enlisted. Instead of tunes, they had a bunch of commercials of individual soldiers/jobs. Still on the air is one of my favorite commercials. A son is talking to his father over a game of billards (or something) about the fact he's going to join the Army Reserves.

Father: But it's still the Army.
Son: It's the Reserves, I can still go to college and they train me here until they need me.
F: Is it good training?
S: It's the Army.

That's pretty much the end of the commercial. I give it props for skillfully dodging the question. "Is it good training?" The kid didn't say yes or no, but instead answered with a general statement. "It's the Army." What? That doesn't answer my question, a simple answer like 'yes' or 'no' is required. That's like answering a question with a question. "Is it good training?" Then you reply, "Is the sky blue?" Well right now it isn't so does that mean sometimes? No? Yes? What? I'm not psychic!
And now onto the Army Strong slogan. OK, over the last few years the Army has spent (probably millions) in revamping its image. First they designed a new combat uniform, the ACUs to replace the old BDUs and DCUs. That's fine. Second, they made modifications to the IBAS (individual ballistic armor system) to include shoulder and side protection. Good. Then, they decided (after a lengthy debate and studies) to phase out the current dress green uniforms and to be replaced by the dress blues. Stupid. Now a new slogan? After just a few years? Stupider.
Army Strong. I say it like a stupid person. As if you were the ask me, "What do you think of the Army?" And I say, "Army Strong." or "Hulk Smash!" Derrr, Army Strong. Yay! Keep the slogan, I'll just be all that I can be.
Instead of focusing on the major issues, the Army has decided to work on this crap. That's great. Like the problem was that a returning wounded vet didn't look good in his dress green uniform, so they thought "Oh, he'd look better in his dress blues!" When they should've thought, "Gee, he'd look better with HIS LEGS!" and worked on those issues, spending money on figuring out how to make that happen.
And like a new slogan is going to make people not see the wounded veterans and join the Army. Since March '03 more than 20,000 service members have been wounded, of that number almost half of them did not return to duty (medical discharge). The silver lining in those numbers is the KIA stat; which is considerably low. Advances in medical technology has aided in the increase of wounded. The ratio is almost 10:1, whereas in the past it has been as low as 2:1.
Stop spending money on crap projects. We don't need new uniforms to wear over our prosthetic limbs, we need them to figure out how to keep us safe so we don't need prosthetics!

Tuesday, October 17, 2006

rain, rain

Maybe I'm just crazy but why does rain affect traffic so much? Look, it's water falling from the sky. That's it. It's not molten hot lava, although if it was I bet people would drive a lot faster. Oh, the road is slick, so I have to go slower in case I have to brake. No, people behind you have to brake because they're expecting you to be doing at least the speed limit but you're not. If you do drive slow, then don't stay in the fast lane. Don't try to pass someone else that's going slower than you because you face the same risks you do if you pull out into the lane that's doing 70mph at 40mph. Just don't be stupid! "What if I hydroplane?" Honestly, it takes a lot of either water or speed. Now I go slow when the water is up about an inch. Small amounts of both don't make you spin out. Unless you've got racing slick tires you're not going to slide around as you're making a turn. If you do, then you need new tires. Stop being so cheap and get some new tires.
I'm not asking people to drive faster in the rain, but drive normal. Sure your windshield wipers are on but that's not an excuse. It's not the end of the world people, drive, get to work, get paid, and go home.
To highlight this rant, just remember this. Water falling from the sky, natural. People falling from the sky, unnatural. Drive slow if it's unnatural, drive normal if it's natural.

Monday, October 16, 2006

blame it on the rain or myspace

Obviously I'm at work, I'm here and also Myspace at the same time. It's great. Every once and awhile I actually pay attention to the other flashing things that show up on my page. One that caught my eye was the Featured Profile, Lip Sync Battle. Promoting stupidity and under-achieving. Great. As if the world wasn't bad enough already, we go ahead and support this.
And correct me if I'm wrong but isn't there already a winner? Has everyone already forgotten Milli Vanilli? 1990, they won a Grammy. That's pretty much the winner. Or how about the SNL debacle with Ashlee Simpson? Oh, I suppose it's wrong for "professionals" to do it but when amateurs do it that's fine? Even funny.
While we're on the subject, the term "artist" shouldn't be related to all music artists. Ashlee Simpson, not an artist. She doesn't create anything, just perform. Those type of people are performers, non-writing singers. When you write the lyrics or the notes, then perform them, then you're an artist. If you call them musical artists then you've got to include strippers. They do the same things as those performers and we pay attention for the same reason. Strippers perform their routines to music, they are musical performers but we don't think of them that way. Well why not? I've been witness to some that will actually sing too... Does that mean that she's a music artist? I don't think so.

Saturday, October 14, 2006

murphy's law

I can't catch a break. Usually I run my car until it's nearly empty and then fuel up. This is to try to boost up my MPG but it's also because I'm lazy. I fuel up less, therefore have to make less trips. Between Indiana and Ohio there's usually at least a five cent difference in the price of gas. So I try to time my fuelings with my days that I have to drill in Ohio. This morning when I was leaving Springfield and going to drill I saw that the price was $1.96! Well, I didn't need to fuel up but I was planning on it on my return trip. So of course when I'm coming back I stop at a Marathon about three miles from the highway, $1.96 so I pumped the gas, paid, and left. About a mile down the road I saw another gas station. $1.94! Damnit! Why didn't I fill up there? I could've saved 14 cents on it. Argh! I can't catch a break! Either I have to fill up on an expensive day or I fill up at an expensive gas station. No in between for me.
To be fair though, Stacy takes Premium. She runs a lot better with it, better performance and mileage. She's worth it.

Friday, October 13, 2006

why i'm not an engineer

Not to say that my job or life is boring but I've actually gotten pretty good at Minesweeper. At first it was difficult, even on the easy level. Now I'm working on my time for expert. Currently, the fastest I can clear the expert level is 222-seconds. Of course I can't always finish the expert level. It's like a 1-in-16 chance I'll actually complete it. I'd like to get that down to something more reasonable. Sometimes I lose due to a stupid mistake, sometimes it's just a bad random selection. Nothing can be done about the latter but the former is just me. I consider this combat training and devote time to it. Hey, you never know when a game of Minesweeper might pop up in combat and I don't want to be caught unprepared.
Still, I'm dreading this upcoming weekend. I've got Army Reserve drill, excuse me, battle assembly. Tomorrow morning I've got to take my Army Physical Fitness Test. At the end there's a two mile run, which isn't all that hard but I haven't ran since February 2004. So I got to look forward to all of that. Oh well, it's a paycheck. See y'all on the flipside.

Thursday, October 12, 2006

roses smell like poo poo

America is going to hell in a handbasket. A recent article appeared on my Yahoo! homepage, which I'm sure everyone in the world has seen but I'd like to add my comment on it anyway. There's 300 million people in the United States. That's great. Plus, we're working to extend life. That's just great, Social Security is circling the drain, there's an "unusual" amount of teen pregnancies, and we leave no child behind.
Yay for us. A bunch of retards running around having more little retards running around us. I'd hate to say it, but we need some more natural disasters. Oh, or a really good serial mass murderer. Yeah, that'd be fun to watch on TV. He'd just go from town to town and wipe out the entire population. And the FBI would be chasing him across the country.
Still, the funniest thing I took away from this article was not all of my comments...

"As the US moves toward 400 million people, Americans can be expected to marry later in life, and more of them will live alone. Between 1970 and 2005, the median age of first marriage moved from 23 to 27 for men and from 21 to 26 for women. Over the same period, the percentage of single-person households grew from 17 percent to 26 percent. Those trends are likely to continue."

OK, first an earlier report (I can't find it) was saying that more twenty-somethings were moving back home because of financial reasons. The not-so empty nest syndrome.
Secondly, I hate compound sentences. "As the US moves towards 400 million people, Americans can be expected to marry later in life, and more of them will live alone." Which at first I thought was weird. OK, so people were marrying older. Fine. More of them will live alone. More married people will live alone? Doesn't that contradict itself? Or when you get married they only count as one, so there's isn't a two-bedroom apartment somewhere with two married couples living there?
Plus, there's always the gay issue that skews that whole thing. That may change the marriage stat. Still, there's alot to contemplate about the next fifty years. Me, I think I'm going to start stockpiling for an end-of-the-world scenario. Or better yet, move to another country.

Wednesday, October 11, 2006

be warned

GOOD MORNING! Yes it's raining. Normally I would be kind of depressed about everything because of the weather but not today. No sir. The Rainex performed well in its first trial run. Except for the fact that I had to use the wipers once when I first started my car, the Rainex is as advertised. Beads of water formed on my windshield instead of the usual distorting coat of water. The only downside of the Rainex is that you need speed, at lower velocities the water doesn't do much except sit there in big beads. Around 35mph you start to see some movement. I can't wait for a high-speed test (whenever that may be) to really put the Rainex to good use. In fact, if I'm not working and it's raining then it's on like Donkey Kong. Don't know where I'll go to but the destination isn't as important as the journey.
Sadly though, I have to fess up to my hypocrisy. On my way home last night I received an email on my Blackberry. It was work-related but that's no excuse. So as I sat at a stop light I checked it, thinking that I had time. When I look up the car in front of me is almost fifty feet away and the light had turned green. Damnit, I've become one of them! I vow to not let that happen again.

Tuesday, October 10, 2006

planet of the clams

What's next? There's a new study out now that says that cola can be bad for girls. *gasp* Spinach? No. Lettuce? No. Soda? No. What's left? Chicken? Salmonella. Beef? Mad cow. Tofu? Yeah, I guess. Water? Lead. Potato? Check. Bread? Mold.
So let's see, I guess most meals will consist of tofu and potato. Well, for girls at least. They're weak, can't handle soda. Hahaha, it's good to be able to pee standing up. I think the media is doing a fabulous job of scaring the bejesus out of us. Me, I'm going to stay at home until this whole thing blows over. Let me know when it's safe to eat again.

the blame game

Don't blame TV for society's problems. It's society's fault. Actually, I've traced it thus far to the economy. Parents are forced to work two jobs just to support their child, so basically they have three jobs. Something's got to give, probably that non-paying job called parenting. So what happens? Kids are growing up without adult supervision. Don't lay all that on teachers, they've got their own lives to worry about too. So what happens? Kids take guns to school and shoot up the place because of some stupid shit like getting picked last for kickball.
I really don't think that growing up has changed all that much in the last 50 years. Sure the technology has changed, but everyone still has to deal with the same problems. Technology is separating us more than we realize. Instead of getting up and looking for someone, we simply text message them or call their cell phone. Sure it "brings us together" as adults, but one of the purposes of school is social interaction. Kids can get on their XBox 360 and play Rainbow 6-3 with another kid in Australia, great. Yet when it comes to walking up to someone on the playground to play some kickball they can't do it.
I remember when I was in 1st grade living in Makakilo, out in the playground we didn't have fancy equipment. There was a pull up bar, some monkey bars, and one of those log paths. That's it. Oh, there was also an outcropping of rocks that resembled the Thundercats vehicle. That's what I played on. Once I played with a brick, it was broken so one of the ends was angled like the hood of a car. It was a fast brick/car and it could off-road, climb walls, and spin-out. I didn't get to watch that much tv until my dad watched something. My cousins and I used to watch Saturday morning cartoons, then went out and played.
Those were the days.

Monday, October 09, 2006

best laid plans

My mission for this weekend was to finally compile a master list of all the dvds I own. I don't know how many I own but if I had to throw a dart in the dark, I'd say somewhere in the vicinity of 400. Yeah, I have no life. So I had this great idea of putting it all on an Excel spreadsheet that had title, production company, stars, and maybe even a rating system. I figured that it would take me the better part of the weekend to do this.
That was the plan. What actually happened was that I went with M to find a desk for a new employee. After three hours we give up, everyplace doesn't keep any in stock of the ones we need. We order instead. I decided I needed to wash my car too, it had been awhile since the last time. That killed another two hours for me. Afterwards, we meet up with Bill and Sabrina to grill-out. Sabrina is a vegetarian so that's a first for me. I've never had to grill out for a vegetarian, but I welcome the challenge. I made my famous (OK, not famous but unique. Well, not unique but just mine) 1lbs burgers. On a sidenote, I ate a total of 4.5lbs of meat this weekend. They were a challenge to cook on a grill that I've never used. Plus, the aerodynamics of the porch were bad that night and had to stare smoke most of the night. That meal basically ended the evening. No one could move very far from the table.
That was Saturday, pretty much a waste of time. Sunday was car maintenance day. Bill and I went to Autozone and picked up all the things we needed to complete the day (or so we thought). I got an oil filter, air filter, Rainex, towels, and brake fluid. Got under my hood and found out that I didn't need a new air filter. Doh! And as I let my engine cool down enough to change my oil, I applied the Rainex to my windows and refilled my brake fluid. Then I checked my coolant levels. Low. Damnit. OK, no problem. Later I can get some coolant and this will all be fine. I grab Bill's oil pan but it's gunked up with something (it may have been alive) and we decide to buy a new one. So Bill and I go up to WallyWorld in my car to get a new drip pan and some coolant. Yeah! For the favor, Bill changed the oil for me. So now Stacy seems to enjoy all of the attention. And rightly so, she hit the 245k last week. Probably later today I'm going to go to the gas station and fill up, adding in some gas treatment stuff I bought too. Hopefully she'll last another 245k.
With the Rainex I can't wait for it to rain. Muahahahaha, while the rest of you are slowing down and putting your wipers on high I'm just going faster! Recipe for disaster!

Thursday, October 05, 2006

rozerem

This will be a quickie. There's aparrently a new sleeping pill on the market called Rozerem. The commercial with the beaver, Honest Abe, and a chess set. Know of it? Listen carefully to the announcer when he's telling you about the side-effects. OK? It's a sleeping pill. One of the side-effects will be drowsiness. Huh. Really? That's like taking steroids and one of the side-effects is a strength. Derrr. Another side-effect is fatigue. Wow! Another amazing observation! Of course individual results may vary. Next they'll tell us that one of the side-effects is an unusual tendency to lay down and wake-up remembering things that didn't actually happen. Oh, wait, that almost sounds like having a dream. That's right! OK, so maybe it does work but can we not state the obvious?

Wednesday, October 04, 2006

i miss the old days...

When street gangs like the Sharks roamed the neighborhood and fights were choreographed to music. Oh, wait, that's West Side Story. Yeah, I still miss the old days though. Not as many kids were bringing automatic weapons to school.
Although in my rebellious days, I did bring an old rusty pocket knife to school once. I can't remember why, but I do remember getting into trouble. A teacher caught me, or one of the students ratted on me. It's all kind of fuzzy. My parents did put the fear of God in me, that I remember.
So let's see. A gunman takes an Amish schoolhouse hostage, killing five girls execution-style before killing himself. What the hell did he have against the Amish? Funniest thing was that a teacher managed to call 9-1-1. I thought the Amish shunned fancy things like electricity, how far did this teacher have to go to use a phone? This guy had recollections of molesting two younger family members 20 years ago and wanted to relive it, so the obvious choice would be an Amish schoolhouse. Yeah. Real man of genius.
I love local news. Love to make fun of it. There's nothing to pick up my mood like local news. A deputy in Danville is serving a one-day suspension without pay for allowing a woman in his custody to shoot herself in the abdomen with his shotgun. Good for her! Fight the Man! Of course that probably wasn't the best way to do that, unless her goal was to get an all-expense trip to the hospital with surgery and possible bowel resection. Some people will do anything just not to go to jail nowadays.
A courthouse in Kokomo got metal detectors in response to an attack 20 years ago in which a man smuggled four pipe bombs in a briefcase into the courthouse. End result? Killed himself and injured 15. Seriously, I'm not scared of the violence in Indiana. I'm worried about the jail system here, so much violence just to avoid jail.
In Lafayette the city council has decided to spend an additional $300K to avoid the ashes of James Evan's father. The ashes are located under a tree and there might be some wetlands on the property, which added in the decision to spend more money. Sorry, all that to avoid some ashes. Plus, in the article says "...a sycamore tree under which a dead man's ashes are buried." Hmm, do we really need to be told that it's a dead man's ashes? If they said a man's ashes, would we assume that the guy was still alive? Like we spread my dead mom's ashes in the Pacific Ocean last year, as opposed to my living mom's ashes. To clarify, I'm adopted and know who my biological mother is, and she's still alive.
OK, that's enough ripping on Indiana news for now. I feel a lot better now, despite the fact that it is only Wednesday.

3 fast 3 furious

OK, I brokedown and bought The Fast and The Furious: Tokyo Drift today after work. B and I went to Greencastle and feasted on some GCB's and fries. Got home and popped in that movie. Now, before I get into criticizing Tokyo Drift, I want to share with you some words of wisdom that B gave me.
It's like a porno, the only good parts are the one with action in it. Bad storyline, bad dialogue, and bad characters. Other than those things, it was a good movie.
So let's break it down. The main character is a racer, he gets into trouble and his mom sends him to go live with his dad in Japan; to get away from the racing. Uh-huh. That's like moving to Columbia to get over my addiction to cocaine.
Getting away from that, the boy meets his new best friend, girl (he wants to be his girlfriend), and races against the bad guy all in his first day. Of course he loses the race, because the dumb redneck ain't never heard of driftin' before so he can't not do it good. So he wrecks the ride of another guy's (Han) and now is in debted to him. Now Han is the scholar among a den of thieves. Sure, he works for the Yakuza but he's deep! Yes, the rare breed of racing philosophers.
Getting to the meat of the story. The bad guy learns that Han is skimming off the top and sets out to get even. A car chase ensues, using four cars and lots of traffic and pedestrians.
Here's another glitch in the plot. The object of a car chase is for someone to get away from whoever is chasing them. That's why it's a 'chase.' So what's the fastest way from Point A to Point B? A straight line you say? No! Weaving in and out of traffic needlessly is the quickest way. Derrr, what? Did you learn that at school or something? Yes, it was a beautifully choreographed sequence in which four different cars weaved through traffic each on their own path. Very cool.
Anyway, car chase ends when the main character crashes (no injuries) and then Han gets t-boned (car then blows up). All very sad. Good guy loses girl to bad guy at gun point, then good guy decides to see bad guy's uncle to throw down the gauntlet. Bad guy accepts; the loser moves away. ooOOoo.
Final race takes place outdoors, it looks like Pikes Peak. The race is downhill, lots of U-turns, J-turns, and S-turns. The perfect place to drift; if you don't, you fall off the cliff. The good guy wins through quick thinking, gets the girl, and the respect of his fellow racers.


SPOILER
Before the end credits roll, our main character is challenged by an old friend of Han's, Vin Disel.


So overall, I give this movie a B+. What? It's like a porno. Good action, and that counts for alot in my book.

Monday, October 02, 2006

irony

Critics are concerned that Lorne Michaels' Saturday Night Live may be on life-support, worried that this may be more than a slump. The writing just isn't there with Tina Fey branching out to do 30 Rock. Still, NBC is committed to the veteran late night parody/satire show, even with the low ratings it stays on the air. On the flip-side, Aaron Sorkin's Studio 60 on The Sunset Strip got decent ratings for its series premiere. 13.5 million viewers tuned in to see Sorkin's newest show with not so new material. Here's the basic premise of Studio 60; it is a behind-the-scenes look at writing, producing, and broadcast of late night parody/satire show on the fictional network NBS.
If you are a Sports Night (Sorkin, 1998-2000) nut like me, you can almost immediately identify the writing. Reused lines, phrases, and even character backstories. Still, I enjoy his writing regardless of the medium. For me, this is just an hour-long Sports Night episode without Felicity Huffman, Sabrina Lloyd, Joshua Malina, Josh Charles, or Peter Krause.
So here it is. The show (Studio 60) of a late night parody/satire show is actually doing better than the actual late night parody/satire show (SNL). NBC must be so proud.

booyah!

Well, it's out. Last week Grey's Anatomy got a whooping 25.4 million viewers for their season premiere. Even though critics (and myself) were worried about the change to Thursday night, going up against CSI, last week proved the staying power of GA. Hopefully they'll be able to keep up the viewership but I'm not worried anymore.
OK, now everyone knows that I love TV. I watch the Super Bowl for the commercials, but I hate feminine hygiene commercials. I feel like an OB/GYN after them. Oh! This one has a super-absorbant layer with wings. Look, I don't know what the difference is, but apparently it's a huge deal! Now with a twisted braid? I don't care! This one gets rid of yeast infection in one day, versus the other leading brand that gets rid of it in three days. OK, that's too much information. I don't mind one or two commercials, but when you flood us with all those hygiene products.
Kill me now, please, if it will take all of those feminine hygiene products off the air.