Thursday, November 30, 2006

just a little creepy

When I read this article on CNN.com all that I could think of was how stalker-ish it all seemed. With the GPS enabled phones you can tell where your friends are, or if "love" is nearby. I'm not worried about the government knowing where I am, but someone that wants to "love" me to death. Yeah, not excited about this.

We really know how to party here in Indiana. Men racing in high heels and other things not really cool. And the state government is trying to promote the technology industry around here. I wonder how that's going...

yeah, uh-huh

Great, now I've got to learn how to say, "It's OK. I'm on the pill." Yeah, that's going to go over well. They said it combines high blood pressure medication and a schizophernia pill. Nice, so the dude that was taking both medications was like, "Huh. Something's different."

Texas Instruments might have a little competition. OK, so it's not pocket-size like TI claims, but dang, it could make a nice addition or subtraction to any room. BAC is cool. If you're wondering what BAC stands for, it's 'Big Ass Calculator.' I wouldn't want to take it with me to take the SATs which is why I'm glad I'm 26 now.

Ah well, if it's endorsed by an online media source, it must be OK to do right? Call in sick, even if you aren't. Put the work load on your colleagues that have the integrity to go to work even though they want to spent it with family. Nah, I'm kidding. I don't have family nearby and no one visits, so it's easy for me to keep going to work during this holiday season. Plus, my PTSD really acts up around Christmas. Ha, that just sounds funny.



Well, the weather forecasters or shamans, as they were referred to yesteryear, are predicting snow sometime really soon. Perhaps tomorrow. I'm not going into my weather prediction rant, just to state the fact that I'm looking forward to some snow. Of course I wish I would've installed my heater core prior to this fact but it can't be helped. Oh well, with any luck I can get install it this weekend in my friend's garage. The master cylinder will have to wait until friendlier weather.

Wednesday, November 29, 2006

mom was wrong again

"Don't slouch! Sit up straight!" I heard that all throughout childhood, my teenage years and a few as an adult. I'm a slow learner. But apparently sitting up straight is not good for your posture. Hmm, another mom tale that's been busted. Now I've got to wonder if that pot on the stove is really hot and might burn me.

OK, the headline for this article is: Surprising Source of Chronic Pain. So I'm thinking, surprise, it must be something outrageous like Jerry Lewis is the source of chronic pain. Nope, it's healthy nerve fibers. Not really surprising, pain comes from nerves. I'd be more surprised to find out that it's my next door neighbor. That'd be a surprise huh? Healthy nerve fiber is like "Surprise! I got you a Christmas present... on Christmas." Wow! Who'd think of that?

All I've got to say is, it's about time. Take a chance.

Tuesday, November 28, 2006

kids in the news

So I guess I was wrong. The teen driving the Celica into the bus in Alabama had a "steering malfunction." OK sure, I'll buy that for now.
Still, there's other news that's more disturbing than that. For example, this story has been on-going for over a year now and there seems to be no end. Nuking a baby isn't like nuking a Hot Pocket OK? It's not going to mature faster if you place it in the microwave. In fact, I guarantee you that it does just the opposite. Look, I know there's no warnings on the mircowaves or babies, but the combination of the two is NEVER good. (Side-note: when I first played the video, there was a commercial for Johnson n Johnson.)
Moving on. This girl was good at faking. She set fire to her mom's bed (while she slept in it) and took her two sisters in the family car. She said that abductors told her to drive south as they followed behind in another vehicle. Yeah.
The things you can get off of Craigslist nowadays. Specifically, a kid. Free to good home huh?

And this is not about kids in the news, or could be, but I found this hilarious. Like something out of an Indiana Jones movie. Enjoy!

Pardon me, would you have any Grey Poupon?

TV Land is doing great things. One of those things is making this list of the Top 100 catchphrases. "D'oh!" Almost all of them I recognize, not stuff from like The O.C. or any of those stupid shows.

Ah, Harry Potter's getting his freak on. Not being caught up in the Harry Potter phenomenon I thought that Cho Chang was a reference to a Sports Night episode. Jeremy was advocating a change in the top story to a Chinese swimmer named Cho Chang that was swimming something and blah blah blah. OK, so I can't remember exactly what was said but it was interesting and I used that knowledge in a crossword puzzle once.


On a personal note, go-karting rocked. I wish I had more time to get used to driving one. I have a tendency to drive a certain way. On the first lap I couldn't quite reach the pedals and had a difficult time steering. Add in the fact that I was used to driving my car, I did not do very well. In fact I did poorly. The second time though I adjusted the pedals and could reach the steering wheel better, so I did a lot better. However, there were lots of caution flags and my time suffered from those as well. The downside was that when I got in my car, I was still in the go-karting mindframe and thought that my car would handle like one which is a bad thing in a town filled with roundabouts. I didn't wreck or anything but when you take a roundabout at 35mph when the suggested speed is 15 you get some interesting results. I laughed it off and focused on staying alive.

Monday, November 27, 2006

no, not really

I don't feel older. Of course I don't know how a 26 year-old feels since this is my first day. Is it that much different than being 25? I can't tell. Well, my fingertips are a little tingly but that's just because I was flapping my arms. I don't think that has any bearing on my age, but I do get weird looks from people from time to time.
This past weekend I spent a majority of it with family. Cousins mostly. As I watched my little cousins playing I got to wondering; if we were like them when we were their age, were the relatives that were our age then like us now? Granted my family is a lot weirder now, but I'm suggesting the same principle. Remember when you were 5 or 6, you had a relative that was in the mid-twenties. That was old right? Now it doesn't seem that old. Things have changed (from our perspective) but overall it stays the same, if that makes sense. I mean, I'll probably still call my cousin Joey, Josephine.
I haven't figured out what I am going to do today after work, but it may involve some indoor go-carting. I did purchase a master cylinder (brake system) and a heater core for my car. That's next weekend's project.

Saturday, November 25, 2006

stuffed

Ugh. Can't move. Too difficult to type. So full. I guess that's what happens in my family now. On my dad's side of the family there are two graduates of the Culinary Institute of America. One of them is getting married to a girl that he met there too, she's a chef. Also, their roommate is a graduate of the CIA, a pastry chef. I was surprised to find that my pants still fit today. So much good food, but unfortunately I have to get some work done otherwise, I would've stayed for another huge meal.
I missed the special 1hr 10 minute long episode of Grey's Anatomy, but did watch it again on abc.com. Yay! I have to say though, George is turning dark! And I'm not surprised by the Alex-Addison situation, mainly because I watched the 2nd season DVD special but also because the roots had been planted throughout the 2nd season.
Sooo... Christmas. I have no idea what to do about that whole thing. Money issues. I'm not going to worry about it right now though. I have to plan to install a heater core in Stacy. Woo!

Wednesday, November 22, 2006

ah. crap to me.

Whilst browsing CNN.com I stumbled across an upcoming feature on autism, which sparked my interest in disorder. This made me want to google it (legally speaking I can't use 'google' as a verb). So I did, wanting to know specifically the symptoms. As I read through the list of symptoms I recalled stories told by my parents about my childhood and what I could remember from it.

1. Social interaction and relationships.
a) Significant problems developing nonverbal communication skills, such as eye-to-eye gazing, facial expressions, and body posture.
b) Failure to establish friendships with children the same age.
c) Lack of interest in sharing enjoyment, interests, or achievements with other people.
d) Lack of empathy. People with autism may have difficulty understanding another person's feelings, such as pain or sorrow.

Me: I guess just being socially awkward doesn't count. Yay! The count, 0-1.

2. Verbal and nonverbal communication.
a) Delay in, or lack of, learning to talk. As many as 50% of people with autism never speak.
b) Problems taking steps to start a conversation. Also, people with autism have difficulties continuing a conversation once it has begun.
c) Stereotyped and repetitive use of language. People with autism often repeat over and over a phrase they have heard previously (echolalia).
d) Difficulty understanding their listener's perspective. For example, a person with autism may not understand that someone is using humor. They may interpret the communication word for word and fail to catch the implied meaning.

Me: I remember a story my parents tell me, that I didn't speak until I was about 4 years old. Plus, I have a hard time starting a conversation with anyone, girls are especially hard. Most of my phrases and vocabulary come from tv shows that I watch. Same as when I was a kid. Does that count? I use sarcasm but can rarely tell if someone else is using it. Hence my 10 mile walk to the grocery store when I was 7 years old, causing everyone to panic when I went missing for a couple of hours. I would've made it too if given more time. The count: 1-1.

3. Limited interests in activities or play.
a) An unusual focus on pieces. Younger children with autism often focus on parts of toys, such as the wheels on a car, rather than playing with the entire toy.
b) Preoccupation with certain topics. Older children and adults are often fascinated by train schedules, weather patterns, or license plates.
c) A need for sameness and routines. For example, a child with autism may always need to eat bread before salad and insist on driving the same route every day to school.
d) Stereotyped behaviors. These include body rocking and hand flapping.

Me: I remember as a kid I used to focus attention to the wheels on my toy cars. It's cool because I didn't understand how they spinned, what kept them in place yet allowed the car to move. Now, I like license plates. For example, this morning I was behind a car from Ontario which I thought was cool. I'd never seen a license plate like that before. Sort of plain, but still cool. I love routine. When I was a kid I remembered going to my cousin Marcus' house and my mom used to take the same route every time (although there's not that much variation in routes in Hawaii), I used to be able to tell where we were by just what turns we were taking. Once though, she had to make a stop prior to going to my cousin's house and I wake up thinking that I was there, when I found out that we weren't I started crying for no reason. And what's wrong with flapping? The blood rushes in and out of your arms causing those tingly feelings. The count: 2-1.

I remember when I was younger that I would take toys that I wanted and go off and play by myself. I always thought it was the only-child syndrome. I didn't like to be bothered by nobody, working alone is preferred, that way I don't have to depend on anyone.

Nah, I can't be autistic can I? That'd be cool wouldn't it? If I turned out to be autistic or something? Ha! Get me one of those handicap placards. That would make it worth it.

happy birthday scarlett

A 92-year old woman was shot and killed in Atlanta last night when police trying serve a warrant, returned fire after taking fire. There's some discussion on whether or not it was necessary to kill her after shooting three officers. What we're overlooking is that she actually wounded three officers. I mean c'mon, she's raised the grand total of officers shot in Atlanta to three! A 92-year old woman shot and hit three people when punks doing a drive-by with automatic weapons barely hit the buildings in front of them. That's got to count for something.

6 imans were removed from a flight because they were "flying while Muslim." Huh. Is that sort of like "driving while intoxicated?" Like being a Muslim is a temporary state brought on by an external event. Look, I'm not saying that it was right or anything but both sides have to be sensitive to the issue. Racism is everywhere, we may be "evolved" but not that much. Deal with it OK?

The poor students these days. Nerds aren't getting into colleges now. Aww, taking three AP classes, math league, and chess team? Guess what, not good enough. Never was, either. Academics and academic clubs aren't enough. Sports are important too, OK, so you'd never make the varisty team but at least you tried. It looks like you're more well-rounded. Plus there's the added fact that universities are forced to diversify their incoming freshman class because of political correctness. Stupid affirmative action. "I'm a black guy that didn't get into State, I carry a 2.0 GPA, that's racist." No, it's because you dumb. "Oh, I wasn't given the same opportunities as others." Then guess what, MOVE. It shouldn't be about quantity, but quality. I'd rather have 6 people that have the drive, determination, and ability to make something of themselves than have 201 people that can't figure out which side of the pencil is the sharp end. Even if this year it's 6 white guys. Try harder next year minorities. To prove my point, I'm pretty sure the only reason I got into college (back in my day) was because I was a minority. To which I promptly dropped out of, so that space I occupied freshman year could have been better spent on a white guy with similar grades that didn't get in because I took his spot.

Tuesday, November 21, 2006

for a reading zebra i know.

Students break record by reading aloud for 6 days. Questions. What the heck were they reading that took 6 days? How fast were they reading? And finally, not a question, but they surpassed the record that was set by 5 Brits. Yeah, that must've been killer on the ears.

unknown.

Well, let's start off with I called the guy back. He answered, he was sober and he hung up on me. Bastard. I'll wait till later to give him a call back. This should be more interesting. Maybe I'll claim to have him mom.

In other news, three students are dead the results of a bus crash in Alabama. Now it's never cool to have children die. Apparently there was a car involved too. The driver was a fellow student, the teen says that 'something went wrong' with the car that caused it to veer into bus' lane and caused the bus to ride along the concrete side before falling over.
There's so many things wrong with that, so many things that could've been done to minimize the damage. But as they say, hindsight is 20/20. I'll break it down.

1. The driver of the Celica was 17 years old. Probably has the average driving experience of a 17 year old. That's where better drivers' ed comes into play. I've been through the defensive/offensive driving courses. You learn cool techniques on how to disable a vehicle you're following or one that's following you. How to evade a car, S-turns, J-turns and U-turns.
2. The driver of the bus veered away from the Celica. That's basic instincts, but the classes above teach you to do the opposite. Me, I veer towards them. It's all about control. Plus, when driving a mass transit vehicle your responsibility falls to the others in your vehicle. I'd rather be charged with one count of involuntary vehicular manslaughter than 3 counts of involuntary manslaughter. That's just me.
3. The story provided by the teen is flimsy at best. He/She probably doesn't want to admit to goofing off or showboating as the cause of the accident. Something went wrong, yeah you were trying to cut off a bus but lacked the necessary skills to do it. Great, now three people are dead and fifteen are in the hospital.

Again, hindsight is 20/20. I can't say for sure that I'd do anything different but I can say that I have been taught differently. I know the limitations of myself and my vehicle. If it came down to saving 20 lives (plus myself) and killing one, or killing an unknown amount and saving one, I'd have to say killing one is an acceptable loss.

phone ettiquette

Last night I had one of the best conversations on the phone, ever. If you own this phone number, I'm talking about you: 612-588-0064. So I get a call at 10:23pm and I answer, "This is Dan."
The guy is belligerent and starts going off about how this (my phone number) is his mom's and I must've kidnapped her. He asks me all these personal questions, but I make up some of the answers but tell him truthful things about me. Still, he's convinced that I've kidnapped his mom that really is of no value to me or anyone really. She's old, like 72 or something. He's still convinced that I've got her locked up in my trunk and that I'm holding her for ransom, I've tried to explain to him that I don't have his mom that she means nothing to me and that logically speaking there are several reasons how she wouldn't be answering the phone all of which do not involve kidnapping/extortion/ransom. Still, he doesn't believe me and asks me if his mom's OK. To which I reply that I don't know, probably. He says he's got me locked in on GPS and knows that I'm lying. I don't know exactly how a GPS could tell him that but I guess it's one of those new features.
Basically the call lasts 16 minutes and ends when I tell him I'm approaching traffic and need to get off the phone. Which he hangs up and that's the end.

Monday, November 20, 2006

caroline's

Probably at the top of the list of places not to start a stand up career? Iraq. Here's why. Talk about a tough crowd...

People in Iraq are killing comedians, here at home though we're worried about drunk driving. MADD wants new hi-tech gadgets installed into all drunk driving offenders' vehicles that breath-tester interlock thingie. Yeah, my solution, fill up prior to visiting bar and leave car running while I drink. Drunk driving is a problem, but the real problem is old people behind the wheel. In a recent discussion with friends, I had devised a plan new driver's test. More complex than the current one but would cost millions to implement and maintain. The basic premise is put cars into more select classes, rated by visibility, manueverability, and handling, then test people individually to place them in certain categories before even testing them in a car. Obviously, grandpa with a heart condition and blind in one eye should not be out driving a 700-hp Dodge Viper, even if he can afford it.

Terrorists or U.S. immigrant officials. You decide. Apparently others have decided that our immigrant officials are more hostile than terrorists. Huh. We're the most unfriendly country (to get in) and then you just have to worry about old people driving through the marketplace and hitting you. As opposed to places like Iraq where they just kidnap you, then videotape your beheading to send to your family. Yup. I guess though, if you're more afraid of immigrant officials than terrorists they must be doing something right.


Good job America! Your order of priorities hasn't shifted.

blame canada

Why is it so difficult to date someone? I blame Hollywood for it all. In the movies we see the protagonist find the girl of his dreams, once the conflict is resolved the movie ends. We assume they live happily ever after. What we don't see is that in two year's time they've drifted apart and want different things. Usually the girl wants to have kids while the guy doesn't think that's such a great idea (for whatever reason, all legitimate). That's not in the movies because that doesn't sell, we all want that fairytale relationship. You meet at some innocuous locale (the coffee shop we frequent), there's some minor obstacles we have to overcome together and then the rest of the relationship is smooth sailings. It takes a lot of work, more work than I'm willing to put into it for just some random girl. Sure it's fun for about the first two weeks but that's it. I don't want to exchange keys, I don't want to have to buy a second supply of toiletries to stock at her place, and I certainly don't want to have to split my time between our places and friends. She doesn't have to meet my family, we don't make joint plans for the holidays and we don't settle down. Bad plan? Probably.
I'm not that bad OK? I'd get in my car and drive cross-country to surprise her, or jump on a plane and fly across an ocean but only if they're worth it. You know if they're worth it too from the get go. Most aren't. For friends and family I've driven (or rode in the Casey, Illinois incident) a day to see, I've gone broke for them but it's because they're worth it. Some members of my family I won't do that for (sad but true) but others I would go to the ends of earth for. I've certainly thought that some girls were worth it but found out that the feeling was not mutual. Plus it's sort of stalker-ish to fly to another place and surprise them. Sure it's in those romance movies, but it's also in the horror movies. Apparently there's a thin line between the two.

Of course I have been speaking hypothetically...

Saturday, November 18, 2006

a road trip is in order.

Nothing better to do with my weekend than to scour the internet for odd news. And I found it, odder than the Scientology wedding of Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes. It is to die for. Well, it'll probably kill you, with items on the menu such as: quadruple bypass burger and fries fried in pure lard, top it off with a cigarette (that can also be purchased), that place rocks! 8,000 calories in a single burger?
Best part of the article is, the only problem people seem to have with a place like this is that the restuarant offers wheelchair service (for full customers) by a waitress dressed as a nurse, they're afraid that people will think they are actual nurses. What??? No one has a problem that this food is literally clogging arteries? Yeah, I'm sure that's the only problem with the place.
Well, I gotta prepare for a road trip down to Arizona. Gotta get to this place before it gets shut down.

Friday, November 17, 2006

kill me, kill me please.

"Adidas, meet Reebok. Reebok, this is Adidas' best friend, Gandalf." What ever happened to good ol' fashion names? James, John, Daniel, and so on? Yeah, George Carlin has done it before but nothing on this scale. I mean, REEBOK for Christ's sake. Who names their kid after a shoe? Why would you name your kid after a shoe? Yeah, it's a great shoe but it does not make a good name for a person!
OK, Gandalf is a pretty kick ass name but only for the right kind of kid. And unfortunately, the right kid for that name gets his ass kicked all the way through high school. It used to be tradition to name children after prominent leaders, generals, admirals, and presidents. George Washington Carver is a good example. These types of people shaped the world, affected policies on a global scale. David Beckham, on the other, is just a awesome soccer player (married to a Spice Girl). Randy Shughart sacrificed his life to save others against overwhelming odds. All he got were a couple of buildings and a ship named after him. I'd rather have a kid named after a Medal of Honor recipent than a soccer player.
Now Superman is just a great name, but it's not a good given name. More of a nickname. Plus, what if it turns out that your son, Superman, has ALS (amyotrophic lateral sclerosis)? How messed up would that be?
And Arsenal. SERIOUSLY? Again, good team but bad name. That's like naming a kid G&E or Sony. I guess I'm old fashion but I've put a little thought into what I'm gonna name my kids. If I have a boy, Depeche Mode. Yeah, he's gonna grow up to be a rock star because we all know that rock stars make excellent role models. For a girl, hmm let's see. Not Madonna, because she's a bit of a skank. Britney? Nah, I just keep thinking of single digit IQ scores. Oh how about Febreeze? It's a girl's name obviously, she'd smell really good too.

In about fourteen to sixteen years there's going to be a whole bunch of kids going all Menendez brothers. Yeah, can't wait for that to happen.

if i didn't do it

Probably a best seller by now, but OJ Simpson's book If I Did It sounds like a wonderful piece of fiction. I wonder how it ends? Maybe with the fictional main character writing a book about the whole thing and stating something about double jeopardy. Yeah, just when we've forgotten about the whole thing The Juice has to come along and rip off the scab. Couldn't he host one of those infomercials with the knives that can cut through cans and shoes? Ginsu. Or what if he did used car sales for a Ford dealership? C'mon, anything but a book that screams, "I DID IT!" to the public.

My mobile blog

This is the first attempt to mobile blog.
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a global scale

Money changes people. Wow. Really? How can a little piece of cotton fiber change my life? You mean I could afford to go out and eat at places? Maybe buy some new furniture? Or a car? How would that change me? Geez, people that's not obvious. I'm not saying to go out and buy a Cadilliac Escalade ESV but something that'll get you to Point A to Point B comfortably. Live in a house with heat and A/C, and actually use it. Eat meals a bit more complex than saimin. Yeah, it changes you.

That's about a brilliant as saying that pollution could save us. Uh-huh. Global warming is occuring, so we'll add a layer of "shade" to protect us. So more pollution can protect us from the harmful effects of the sun but won't we die from the pollution side-effects (cancer, emphysema)? That's like being on death row, escaping, and driving a car off a cliff trying to avoid the police. Great idea people.

Thursday, November 16, 2006

we interrupt our regularly schedule program...

With this


IT'S PEANUT BUTTER JELLY TIME!

A review of the history of peanut butter jelly time.

gonna fly now

Stupid outage. Stupid me for trying to post around the outage.

OK, so the new Rocky movie, Rocky Balboa or Rocky VI or whatever is scheduled to be released on Christmas. It is written, directed, and starring Sylvester Stallone. Yeah, seeing a senior citizen getting the crap kicked out of him really goes with the holiday spirit. I was disappointed to see Talia Shire's name not on the credits. I'm predicting that there's going to be a montage scene of Rocky training and they're going to cut in some other montage scenes from all of the other movies.

Well, I just watched the trailer for Rocky Balboa. It's gonna be interesting to say the least. Basically, aliens abduct Rocky after his last fight and cryogenically freeze him in order to fulfill an ancient prophecy. After a thousand years, Rocky is unfrozen and returned to a world that has forgotten all about them. Mainly because they're in this huge intergalactic war with another alien species and losing, the Earth is on the verge of annihilation when first group of aliens intervenes. Now Rocky must fight for all of mankind. His opponent is a six-arm alien with a tough outer shell. Who will win? It's anyone's guess. Rocky's got a personal stake in this too, because if he wins the aliens will restore Apollo Creed!

My money's on Rocky cuz he kicked the crap out of the Russian in IV.


Up next, Rambo IV. Seriously, check it out.

where are you captain planet?

Damn global warming. It's even affecting the bears (not the NFL team, but it would explain alot) in Siberia and probably around the world. This news story was off of Reuters Life! (I like the exclamation point after life). And just to say it, I wish I could go to sleep in October/November for six months or so. Well, I think I could but I'm pretty sure I wouldn't have a job to return to when I woke up. One of the lines that jumped out at me was: "Hunters, out in the woods stalking birds and hares now that the hunting season is open, need protection from restless bears the most." Now correct me if I'm wrong, but hunters usually have some sort of weapon to hunt with right? Well, why does a guy with a gun need protection? I mean unless the hunter is planning on killing those birds with sarcasm, he doesn't really need protection now does he?

Next up... Scientology.

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

on the bounce!



This is one of the few books I've actually read outside of school that had a real lesson. Or at least I think it had a lesson to teach, I could be imagining things. It is one of the few cases in which I can utter the phrase, "The book is better than the movie." And actually mean it.

I had a nice deep thought last night, between watching Family Guy and reading up on all the crap going on in the House and Senate, I got to thinking of responsibility and this book. In the book, to run for public office (senator, president, police officer) you have to serve a term in the military. It's not like our military where the goal is larger numbers, the military in the book is smaller but more elite. Like the Marines slogan, "The Few, The Proud, The Marines" this book makes it so that if you want to serve your country (planet), then you find out mentally if you really want to serve. It's not fashionable to go through all of that just because everyone else is, but a badge of honor.

Even voting is restricted to veterans. The whole thing is summed up in a discussion between a civilian and a citizen (veteran). You can make tons of money, you can even bribe yourself a senator, but you can't vote to keep him in office. I'm not saying that it's a good system or even if it is a plausible system, but it does make you wonder if our standards for public servants is too low. Are they any requirements? US citizen. Hmm, hard only if you had to actually take the citizenship test. I failed that bad boy. What else? Money? To campaign with? That's crap.

I'm not advocating this system of government, the majority of the people I've met in a military career can not step back and look at the bigger picture. They're under-educated and probably don't even know what the bigger picture is. Some complex requirements would be necessary. Age is not a requirement, neither is citizenship. Yes it's fundamental, but you can be born into the Kennedy family and wait until you're a certain age but that doesn't make you a politican. Yes, your family has done great things for this country but that doesn't mean that you will. Prove that you're worthy of the name. Can't? Then you shouldn't run for anything.

Our soldiers overseas getting shot at on a daily basis are making an average of $2000 a month (tax free). They work anywhere from 12-20 hours a day on average, only getting two weeks off for a whole year's worth of work. That's crap pay for what they do, but they don't do it for the money. Granted everything is provided for them, but how is that different than a politicans here? Give the politicans all standard housing, pay for all the utilities but only pay them minimum wage. Maybe put a tip jar out front for them. Let's see how they like them apples.

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

not just to keep rain off my neck

There's a couple of things on my mind. Yes. More than just an obstacle for the guy behind me at the movies. First off, DAMN YOU YANKOVIC! I was fine until I started to play Minesweeper on my laptop. I surely am not White & Nerdy. Whew. With that off of my chest I feel a little better.
Secondly, there's an issue that is reminscent of high school. I recently got an RSVP from a friend to attend his wedding reception in Ohio. Now, do I RSVP for +1 or not? Usually I do, but this dry spell has got me worried. I've got two months (which lots can happen, or it could be like the last two months and nothing happens), but how does this work? If I +1 and the day comes and I'm still single, do I find a replacement? Or do I just go it solo? Yeah, not much of a dilemma I know but it's just like prom back in high school. Except the pool of people I'm working from is much lower now than it was back then. Yesh.
Third (completely seperate from item 2) is this concept that hit me. I sometimes hang out with two friends from college (they're married) but often times I feel like the third wheel, we go to the movies and have plans to go see Happy Feet sometime in the future. The issue is this: they're starting to invite other singles (friends/family) in their life that are females. Am I wrong to be thinking set up? One of the possibilities is another one of our friends from college, whom I do like, she's cool in the slightly crazy way. The other is his sister, I've never met her. Call me crazy, but is someone controlling my life? Is this the Truman Show?

Monday, November 13, 2006

the truth

I read this article and it reminded me of the bum from "Don't Be A Menace To South Central While Drinkin' Your Juice In the Hood." The 'bum' is holding a cardboard sign with the words, "Fuck it, I ain't gonna lie. I'm just lazy." After getting some change he pulls off his rags, revealing a three-piece suit and puts his stuff in the BMW parked in front of him.
The manatee ain't stupid, just lazy. Propeller blades approaching? Eh...
This is my kind of animal. I admire laziness, people relate laziness to stupidity. Which is wrong. I'm not that stupid. In fact, I can calculate the odds between my theortical action versus results and select the appropriate course of action (or lack thereof). Also, it takes a lot of energy to not do something; not as much as doing it but a lot more energy than one thinks. "Should I get up and clean? Well, the vacuum cleaner is all the way on the other side of the room. Plus, there's so much more to do before I vacuum, like wash dishes. If I wash dishes though, I want to eat so that I can fill up the dishwasher and not have to do two loads. OK, but what do I want to eat? Is it in stock or do I have to go to store? Store? No problem, I'll make a mental grocery list, now what do I need?" - Lots of energy taken up there, but what you see is me lying on the couch not doing anything.

headlines

Ah yes, like shoving twenty people into a telephone booth or just not clipping your fingernails for 30 years, text messaging has a new champion! How many times did you have to text someone "The razor-toothed piranhas of the genera Serrasalmus and Pygocentrus are the most ferocious freshwater fish in the world. In reality they seldom attack a human." Really?

The PS3 is set to hit the stores here in the US on November 17th. Too bad I can't afford one. At a starting price of $600 just for the console alone, add in the price of games ($90 a piece) and you've just spent a lot of money in the first day. Oh, and plus tax? Yeah... no way I'm spending more than my rent and utilities combined on a game console. Not just yet. However, rest assured that when I can afford it I will buy one.

Bahahahahahaha. People are getting worker's comp from a PDA? Boy, all of those blue collar guys must really be feeling stupid now, filing for stuff like dislocated shoulders and back strain. Boy, how desperate are people nowadays to suck the corporations dry? I hurt my thumbs on my Treo...

My boss told me to push the envelope. So I literally pushed an envelope. Had I known he wanted me to "push the envelope" then he should've used air quotes. Nah, I like to take people literally.

And crap! Now I can't pretend I know how to play guitar. With this new t-shirt, you'll actually hear what I'm strumming and trust me, it's nothing like what it sounds like in my head. Fantasy is ruined!

Wow. I guess you can't escape the law even when you're dead. I swear officer, I wasn't driving my car when I got this ticket. A dead guy was. His name was Joe Stalin. Yeah, it'd be cool if you got away with it but otherwise you face charges of fraud and conspiracy to commit fraud. That's much cheaper than paying THE ACTUAL TICKET!

OK, some old news. Because I was at Wal-Mart last night and a fat person was parked in a handicap space. Me, being a fellow fat person, I park my car in the back. A little exercise is nice, I don't get enough of it. Yet, as I drove past this other fat person I had to wonder, "When did being fat become a handicap?" But that thought was usurped by the pink stall labeled Expectant Mother. How exactly do you check for something like that? With the handicap you've got the special license plates or blue placard hanging from your rearview mirror. A protuding stomach is not a good indicator of pregnancy, especially with obesity amuck. I've seen girls that show almost no sign of pregnancy yet were. And, and, and they get a bigger parking space. My guess is because girls aren't good at driving so they must be bad at parking too. I can't wait for the asian parking stall!

Friday, November 10, 2006

this day

OK, so it wasn't today but it was yesterday that Ed Bradley died. Which means that rule of 3's and 6's is in effect. Ed Bradley was number two, who will be the third?
In a nod to technological advancement, rumor is that Britney dumped Kevin via text message. I guess if the British courts can rule that it is legal to fire someone via text message, the same would apply to divorce. I'm just waiting for the first celebrity marriage proposal via text message. Not to be sidetracked by the news, Kevin's album entered at 151. Which means someone bought his album. I want to know who, so I can go kick them in the nuts.
A good PR move for Abby Cornish (whom Christy blames the break-up of Ryan and Reese on), she didn't show up to the premiere of her new movie, Candy. Hopefully, this whole thing with Phillipe and her will blow over, but until then, the only questions she'd be entertaining are those types. Which would not be good for the film and maybe her career in the short-term. In about a month we won't remember her name and then will re-emerge with Phillipe at the premiere of Stop Loss.

This day 231 years ago, the Continental Congress passed a resolution for the creation of two battalions of soldiers that would one day become US Marines. Semper fi!

Oh! Also, the first direct-dial coast-to-coast telephone service began this day in 1951. Ha, that was the start of the end huh?

In 1970, a whole week ended without a single American casualty in Vietnam. Awesome huh?

Well, tomorrow is Veteran's Day. Or as I call it, Hug-A-Veteran Day. Show some love for our men and women in uniform. Even if you don't agree with war, they probably don't either. Still, they serve and defend this country.

Thursday, November 09, 2006

isn't it ironic?

Pain from pain killers. Now that's ironic! Not like rain on your wedding day. Or ten-thousand spoons when all you need is a knife. I'd say more on the subject but Grey's Anatomy is on and that takes precedents.

bounce, bounce, bounce

"Pick up the damn ball!"

Ah yes, tennis coverage. A sport developed by a woman no doubt. Two parties just hiting a ball back and forth. Sort of like arguing. Wait, I take it back. If it was developed by a woman then it would just be one person with a racket hitting balls at their defenseless opponent. Sorry for the confusion.

So it's WTA Championship time. This year the WTA organizers went all out and hired male models as ball boys. Huh. They said that it was in response to criticism about using female models at the men's finals. Look, I don't have a problem with them throwing some eye candy of the opposite sex on the court. Great, now I have something to look at when I watch Andy Roddick on the court not that I watch men's tennis. Which is why I watch women's tennis. What? I'm not ashamed of it, I'm not watching it as an athletic competition as much as it is two women running around, sweating and grunting.

I just hope that the male models do as well as the female models did. Let's face it, neither group has a lot of brain cells. Now it doesn't take much to be a ball boy/girl but men are easily distracted and female tennis players do look a lot better than their male counterparts. So one would wonder if the lack of brain activity would hamper a male model's ability to pick up on the fact that there's a ball rolling around on the court and that he should scamper out and get it.

If anything it should be interesting to watch a chick beat the crap out of one of the male models with a tennis racket in a McEnroe-esque fit.

Wednesday, November 08, 2006

another good idea, bad idea

I'm a big fan of the movies. Big fan of TV shows too. That much is obvious. In a pinch, the good guy manages to pick the lock of his jail cell and saves the day. All he's got is a couple of toothpicks and maybe a paperclip. I always wanted that skill, something to put on the resume. Well, I tried it and it didn't work. The paperclip was too weak to attack the tumblers. Toothpick? Also not up to the challenge. Not to be detered, I spent $40 on a cheap lock picking set to test my skills.
After reading up extensively on the subject I decided to try it out when my lock picking set arrived today. Unfortunately I couldn't spring the cash for the practice lock too, so I used the next best thing my own lock to my apartment.
It took my a couple of tries but I managed to pick my lock! YEAH!!!!! First day! Takes practice, yeah right! This was a great idea right?
Wrong. I accidentally got too excited working the deadbolt lock and didn't reset it like you would a normal key. Result, damaged the whole mechanism. No more bolt lock on my door. It's there and it works from the inside but the key doesn't work in it anymore. Luckily, I still have the puny lock that goes with the door handle thingie (Yeah, that's the technical term).
So, let's review. Honing a cool skill like lock picking? Good idea. Breaking your own lock. Bad idea. Lesson over.

who'd thunk it?

Aww, Britney Spears has filed for divorce from crapper (crap rapper) Kevin Federline. This is unimaginable. She's such a good girl, this is only her second divorce. And she lied to the public when she said that she was waiting until marriage to havce sex, which she continued to perpetuate for years. Him, he's a role model for people of all ages, especially those that decended from the trees of West Virginia. At least he's got a future as a... umm, redneck? I've got to say though, at least she hasn't married anyone famous. That would be a disaster huh?

Is this what I've reduced myself to? Celebrity gossip? Egads. I was actually going to write something about the elections, campaigning and mudslinging, but instead, I get sidetracked by stupid celebrity news. Oh well, I guess I'll just have to wait another two years for my piece on politics.

Tuesday, November 07, 2006

now that's what i call acting

Doogie Howser is gay. Let me clarify, the actor that played Doogie is gay. I liked Doogie Howser M.D. with the typing of the journal at the end of the episode. I don't think it was gay. What I don't get is why is being gay such big news? Are people really that stupid? Something like that isn't newsworthy. They're actors, the people that you relate yourself to are characters. The actors and characters are two separate entities. If I think that I relate to his character on How I Met Your Mother, that's it. I don't think that I'm Neil Patrick Harris playing Barney. So who cares if he's gay? If, however, someone were to leak his celebrity sex tape, uh, guess what? I'm not that much of an NPH fan to watch it. I'm not going to rush to download it like the Pamela Anderson ones.
I fear I may have strayed a little off the message. Being gay is not newsworthy people, at best it belongs in the sewing circle. Yes, he admitted it. Great. Of course as I sum up, I realize that by writing about the fact that NPH is gay I am perpetuating the news. Super.

Swarley out!

Monday, November 06, 2006

Wow

So much happened over the weekend that I don't even know where to start. Let's start with World News.
Saddam Hussein will be receiving the death penalty in his issuing the killing of 148 Shiites in 1982. "Oh my!" So before you think that this is a conspiracy to re-elect the incumbent Republicans, the verdict is going up before the appellations court. Plus, that's only one case out of many for the last thirty years. We're going for the trifecta, all death sentences by different methods simultaneously which is topped off by life in prison.
OK, so we got the major news out of the way. Now for a little ranting about my weekend. As many of you know I play soldier one weekend a month as a Army Reservist. The drill (or battle assembly) went as scheduled, I helped inventory a roomful of equipment, loaded tents into a container and started a fire. Actually, I started several fires. Three to be exact. Doesn't sound bad does it? It gets worse. The first one is in a small metal garbage can but I've got a lot to burn so I change locations and cans. Did I mention that I'm burning stuff of a sensitive nature? Yeah, I guess that'd help explain why I'm starting fires. Well, now I've got me one of them big metal trash cans and I'm pouring in paper, stirring it around and dumping in more paper. After all of the paper is burnt, ashed and extinguished, I go ahead and mix in water and stir some more. I let it cool off for awhile and I get some help to dump all of this. Now here's the fire I didn't mean to start. I dumped the ashes in the big dumpster, no big deal right? Wrong. Apparently someone had raked up alot of leaves and also put them in the same dumpster. See where I'm going with this? Hot ashes + dry leaves = ??? Derr, fire! FIRE!
Now I'm trying to get water to douse the flames, it takes several gallons to put out this substantial fire. There were also cardboard boxes and manuals inside too that also like to catch fire.
Everyone's looking around to see who to blame, "Who's bright idea was this?" And you know what I did? I shot my hand up and spoke up, "Mine!" I said proudly. I guess it's the opposite of the boy who cried wolf because now we have a decent size rock in our unit that has "I Are Rock" written on it to identify those soldiers that are deserving of 'special' recognition by everyone. You'd think starting a fire in the dumpster would qualify for the rock, but because I take responsibility for everything else no one really believes me whenever it is actually my fault. Sweet.
Speaking of military acts of stupidity, we have this new program going on. People that are overweight or failed a PT test (both of which I excelled at) had to do remedial PT. I've done it before, not a problem. I need it and sometimes enjoy it. I have a problem with stupidity though. Sunday at 1600hrs (4pm for you non-military people) we do PT for an hour as a company. Great, I'm all for that. Then we have sign-out formation (again, something I'm not against) and at 1715 (5:15pm) they have the brilliant idea of having remedial PT. Do you see a problem with that? Let's see, do PT for an hour and then do it again a mere fifteen minutes later for the people that have trouble doing PT. Uh, wow, that's stupid. For me to do it is even more stupid. I have a three hour trip (at 80mph) back home afterwards. I wake up at 0400 (4am) to go to drill and I don't get home until 8 or 9 that night. It's already a tough drive just for being up that long, but add in the physical exhaustion from all that stupidity? Hmm, Stacy versus a tractor/trailer or a cement median. Stacy and I lose. So to prevent this I don't do the stupidity on Sunday after work.

Friday, November 03, 2006

Dear God c/o New Jersey shoreline

Well, some letters to God washed up in New Jersey. You might think it's sad or maybe it's atrocious that this was the end for these letters. Me, I think it's hilarious. Maybe God was in New Jersey playing skeeball and just had the mail forwarded there. *gasp* Which may explain why I recently received a letter from Hell confirming my reservation.
Most of the letters were addressed to Reverend Cooper, Mount Calvary Baptist Church, or 'Altar'. The contents of the letters ranged from forgiveness to winning the lottery (twice).
Now you've got to be wondering, "What's he going to make fun of? God? Religion?" No. Sticking with the theme, people are stupid. Not the ones that wrote the letter, but the ones that think that's it's silly to write a letter to God and the ones that think that the unopened letters were unread.
People need something to believe in, be it an invisible guy the lives in the sky, science or the fact we are remnants of alien souls. Me, I was sort of raised Catholic. Confession, Lent, Easter, these are familiar to me. Belief, whatever it may be in, is required for our existence. So from a Catholic perspective, these letters are like confessions or prayers (depending on the subject). OK, not real confession since there isn't a priest involved, and to hand out judgements like saying ten 'Our Fathers' and an act of penance.
So what if Reverend Cooper didn't read them? Is he screening God's mail? I don't think so, once it was written and sent it was in God's inbox. The physical letter may not have been read, but the content was received and that's the important thing. Yes, it's a shame that the letters washed up in such a public forum but maybe it's God's will.
Maybe it was a story told by a priest, or I heard it somewhere else but someone once told me that God doesn't answer all of our prayers. If He did, then we wouldn't do anything for ourselves and we'd lose His greatest gift, free will. And that sometimes, He doesn't answer them because He has a bigger and better plan for us.

"Some of God's greatest gifts, are unanswered prayers." - Garth Brooks "Unanswered Prayers"

Composing a letter to God is no more foolish than writing Santa Claus or tossing a quarter over your shoulder into a wishing pond. I pretty much view all of them as a waste of money and resources, to be better used for something I need. But hey, it's your time and money. Waste it as you see fit, just as long as it doesn't affect me. I just hope that I get a seat with a view down in Hell.
Or maybe, just maybe, there's a simpler explanation for all of this that we're overlooking. Maybe God's dumping His trash in New Jersey like the rest of America.

Wednesday, November 01, 2006

God does not play dice

A quote from Albert Einstein circa 1927. This was Einstein's famous reply to quantum physics which I whole-heartly agree with. The current theory of quantum physics goes against classic physics. You know, the whole 'throw a ball up in the air and it'll come back down.' Yes, I understand that quantum physics deals with the unseen but it's just theories put together and all tied together with a flimsy premise, all designed to allow scientists to be lazy.
Just because we don't understand it doesn't make it unknown. As smart as we are, you'd think we would've realized this. Like saying a magician's tricks are really magic when they are slight-of-hand or optical illusions.
I wish I had stayed in school, because I wouldn't be stuck with trying to teach myself higher mathematics to prove my own theory. It is based around Quantum Time, because everything in this universe is subject to time. Everyone experiences time relative to their own position, a proven theory and also good excuse for being late. Neutrons, electrons and protons should still all be subject to that same principle. The best way I can explain it is like watching a tape of a guy running around on screen, but instead of watching it in "normal" speed (or time) we're watching it in fast-forward mode. If we don't know that the VCR is stuck in fast-forward it would appear as though he would jump from one side of the screen to the other, all of your calculations in trying to determine his speed would be off and you would couldn't tell exactly where he started and where he ended.
Now play it in "normal" time and we see that he takes a specific path to get from point A to point B at a certain speed average. Not magic people, just better understanding. If I could only prove this then I would rule!
I realized that I hadn't made any advancement in the physics rants. I've been focused a lot on 'work' and other things. I should spend a little more time on physics, it's fun stuff once you get past the math of the whole thing.

all-state

I see the All-State insurance commercial all the time. The one with Dennis Haysbert and the split camera rotation commercial.
"All season radial tires. Anti-lock brakes. Electronic stability power steering. We've made everything about the car safer. Except the driver."
Well Dennis (and All-State) you've hit the problem right on the head. Human error, like most things in this world most of our problems stem from us. Christy would agree. Printer problem? Um, have you tried plugging it in?
Remember, this is coming from the guy that can walk out of the apartment without pants! *cringe*
I understand that insurance companies don't want safe drivers, because then they wouldn't make as much money. Insurance premiums would go down, can't have that! So All-State is offering up to $500 off your deductible for every 6 months you don't have an accident.
Hmm, let's see, I started driving in 1996. I had two minor fender benders in my first year and since then I haven't had a car accident. OK, I had one incident in Kuwait in 2003 but there was a small dust storm and a concrete baracade that I didn't know about! That shouldn't count!
At least they're offering something to the good drivers. Right? Let's examine this further, back in 1996 when I got into an accident (I was still on my parents' plan then) my dad's premium went up $155. I don't know how long he had to keep paying it but I figure it was for quite some time cuz he bitched about it for a few years after it. So it's not like they're making that much money (in the grand scheme of things) from the good drivers. Bad drivers is where the money's at! That's never going to change unless there's better driver's ed courses and laws against using cell phones will operating vehicles (and other such distractions).