ah. crap to me.

Whilst browsing CNN.com I stumbled across an upcoming feature on autism, which sparked my interest in disorder. This made me want to google it (legally speaking I can't use 'google' as a verb). So I did, wanting to know specifically the symptoms. As I read through the list of symptoms I recalled stories told by my parents about my childhood and what I could remember from it.

1. Social interaction and relationships.
a) Significant problems developing nonverbal communication skills, such as eye-to-eye gazing, facial expressions, and body posture.
b) Failure to establish friendships with children the same age.
c) Lack of interest in sharing enjoyment, interests, or achievements with other people.
d) Lack of empathy. People with autism may have difficulty understanding another person's feelings, such as pain or sorrow.

Me: I guess just being socially awkward doesn't count. Yay! The count, 0-1.

2. Verbal and nonverbal communication.
a) Delay in, or lack of, learning to talk. As many as 50% of people with autism never speak.
b) Problems taking steps to start a conversation. Also, people with autism have difficulties continuing a conversation once it has begun.
c) Stereotyped and repetitive use of language. People with autism often repeat over and over a phrase they have heard previously (echolalia).
d) Difficulty understanding their listener's perspective. For example, a person with autism may not understand that someone is using humor. They may interpret the communication word for word and fail to catch the implied meaning.

Me: I remember a story my parents tell me, that I didn't speak until I was about 4 years old. Plus, I have a hard time starting a conversation with anyone, girls are especially hard. Most of my phrases and vocabulary come from tv shows that I watch. Same as when I was a kid. Does that count? I use sarcasm but can rarely tell if someone else is using it. Hence my 10 mile walk to the grocery store when I was 7 years old, causing everyone to panic when I went missing for a couple of hours. I would've made it too if given more time. The count: 1-1.

3. Limited interests in activities or play.
a) An unusual focus on pieces. Younger children with autism often focus on parts of toys, such as the wheels on a car, rather than playing with the entire toy.
b) Preoccupation with certain topics. Older children and adults are often fascinated by train schedules, weather patterns, or license plates.
c) A need for sameness and routines. For example, a child with autism may always need to eat bread before salad and insist on driving the same route every day to school.
d) Stereotyped behaviors. These include body rocking and hand flapping.

Me: I remember as a kid I used to focus attention to the wheels on my toy cars. It's cool because I didn't understand how they spinned, what kept them in place yet allowed the car to move. Now, I like license plates. For example, this morning I was behind a car from Ontario which I thought was cool. I'd never seen a license plate like that before. Sort of plain, but still cool. I love routine. When I was a kid I remembered going to my cousin Marcus' house and my mom used to take the same route every time (although there's not that much variation in routes in Hawaii), I used to be able to tell where we were by just what turns we were taking. Once though, she had to make a stop prior to going to my cousin's house and I wake up thinking that I was there, when I found out that we weren't I started crying for no reason. And what's wrong with flapping? The blood rushes in and out of your arms causing those tingly feelings. The count: 2-1.

I remember when I was younger that I would take toys that I wanted and go off and play by myself. I always thought it was the only-child syndrome. I didn't like to be bothered by nobody, working alone is preferred, that way I don't have to depend on anyone.

Nah, I can't be autistic can I? That'd be cool wouldn't it? If I turned out to be autistic or something? Ha! Get me one of those handicap placards. That would make it worth it.