excuses, excuses

Well, there's one reason not to shower. Although, you gotta admit that shower would definitely wake you up in the morning. Bizzit. Me, I would've worked around it. Grounded myself or maybe put up a sign that said it was an electrocution shower. Problem temporarily resolved.

Ha. More excuses. I'm lazy because of genetics. Yup, that's the answer to everything. Genetics. Serial killer? Genetics. Lazy? Genetics. Fat? Genetics.

That has got to be weirdest "prostitution" ring ever. I don't understand how that works, but whatever, pregnant chicks gotta make money too.

I would have been perfect for this job. And it's $10/hr.

not at all

Even though she's not very smart, she seems really talented. Yup, big talents. Two of them. Boy does she have a mouth on her, the foul language that spewed from them. Yesh. And yes, I'm still thinking about her talents.

"Oops, we're sorry." Doesn't seem to cover it, but it's a start. Plus, it's public record which I guess is the point. Now I don't agree that the federal government should apologize for laws enacted by the South, but they should probably apologize for giving states that kind of power. Wait, that sounds bad. No, I think the states should apologize for that. It's pretty much their fault, but I think a few more hurricanes should make things even.

So I thought of one plausible possibility to support this woman's story. Yeah, it's one defense: the kidnappers gave her the "don't call the police" threat. It's wafer-thin, but maybe... unless she claims that she's retarded which I'd believe that.

Here's another story of not charging a person to the full extent of their crimes. Killing someone is somehow reduced to fleeing the scene? How can you not charge her with murder. She got out and checked on him THEN fled the scene. What? She was driving to the hospital to get help? I could see a jury letting her go free on that argument.

finders keepers

So, if you read this article carefully, they say to do a one time lump sum type of thing? Huh. I guess that goes against careful planning. I would've done the same thing, exchanged the money in small quantities, but I guess that raises suspicion, so best to get it all exchanged at once. Good to know if I uncover millions of dollars.

Sports news. I've got a question, since when did the NFL become a branch of the criminal justice system? Shouldn't a court decide punishment? After an investigation and all that jazz? Oh well, if he's punished by the NFL then it's all good.

Is this a sort of Al Capone - RICO Act type of deal. Because when you identify a person as a "death squad leader" you'd think you'd be able to get him on something more than fraud. It'd be like saying, "Serial Rapist in jail for speeding." Uh, is that all you've got on the guy? Not that I'm not glad that he's in prison, but as a member of a death squad I'm sure he's done more than fraud.

That answers one of my many questions. Who'd win? Motorcyle or Amish buggy. Hehe. Amish buggy one, motorcyle zero.

the end is not here

Aww. I was so disappointed. The link from the main page was "Son charged with hoe killings, cesspool burial." I thought, "Hoes! Yeah, sometimes you gotta kill some hoes to get the rest to fall in line. Gotta keep that pimp hand strong." Unfortunately, it's just a kid that killed his parents with a garden hoe and disposed their bodies in a septic tank. Damn, I just couldn't care less about it now.

Legally intoxicated? How about legally stupid. How drunk do you have to be to not understand that opening a door mid-flight can be hazardous to your health? I really want to know, because I've never been that drunk. Sure, I've passed out and suffered the effects of alcohol poisoning but never been drunk enough to think that opening the door mid-flight was a good idea.

After 18, that 'thing' must just be wrecked.

To end this report, here's a video to make you smile. Geriatric porn star.

half a dolphin

Now that's a criminal justice system. People complain about our way of life, how the hell would they like it if they were sentenced to hanging for public intox.

I don't agree with this. I'm with the guy, if it's your stuff you should be allowed to shoot it. Sure he's drunk and that could be why it didn't start but that's besides the point. You know, if this guy lived in Iran he'd be hanged for his crimes.

Really? The police have no idea why an armed gunman would come into a Christian radio station? Hmm. Could it be the radio station blasting it's Christianity over the air. Or it could be that he was a Christian nutcase, either way, it's crazy-related.

This would be one of the good times to remember about those pre-flight demonstrations conducted by the flight attendants. In case of emergency...

when it goes

YES! Finally. Some good news. I say we take this one step forward and rename the parents with kids named "Number 16 Bus Shelter" and such. OK, I thought I heard some weird names but "Fish and Chips?" I don't know why that name got blocked and others didn't, but I guess it just depends on who you get at the office.

Huh? Marriage is racist? Oh, boo-hoo. Using racism as an excuse as to why you're not married is just lame. It is statistics, look at your dating history. What is the most predominant feature in all of those relationships? YOU! There you go, that's probably the problem. You know what? That was mean, I apologize.

One day, I'll make it. Although I should point out that for as much of a geek I am, I've never been to any type of convention. Seriously, I don't think I'd be able to handle that many geeks and nerds all located in one building. Still, I'd like to go someday.

I don't know why it's funny. Maybe because it is so honest. If nothing good is said about this guy, I'll say this: he's a responsible driver by limiting his use of the cell phone while driving.

This dumb bitch, with her dumbass daughter. It's a wonder that Caylee survived 2 years of life. Decomposition. a) The detective didn't say it smelled like human decomposition. b) They didn't find 19-day old pizza in the trunk. c) What the f**k are you doing driving around with pizza in your trunk when you're kid is missing?

Ah! Cell phone usage linked to brain tumors? I'd like to see those numbers, because I wish some users would get brain cancer. I love these statistics because you can skew them to say anything you want. Think about it, darn near everyone you know has a cell phone so it's safe to say that most of the people used in this study has a cell phone. But you know what else? Most of those people have two arms, so I'm issuing a warning that people with two arms are more likely to get brain cancer and the safest method to deal with this problem is to cut off an arm.
And comparing cell phone usage to Russian roulette is a bit extreme. That means there's a 1-in-6 chance of getting brain cancer with each usage. Here's a hint about Russian roulette, death always wins in the end.

how does that work?

I saw this news report on TV and I thought something was weird about the whole thing. I mean, missing a whole month before the child was reported missing? What the hell? Did she go on a vacation while someone else was babysitting? Oh, but the "babysitter" never existed apparently, because the police can't find any record of a person living at the place. Maybe she was scammed? Like a fake babysitter. What luck this woman has, she happens to leave for a month and leaves her kid with a kidnapper. That's amazing, she's the unluckiest person alive.

A loaf of bread costs 100 billion dollars? Granted its Zimbabwe dollars but that's still a lot of money. Imagine what you could do if you went over there and exchanged a few dollars on the currency market. You could walk away with billions of dollars. Gotta love that hyperinflation. The same people that figure out what things are worth do our math too. Dumbasses. Dude, do you know what $1.5 million in toilet paper looks like? Or $36 million in sporks? They must be charging toilet paper by the square.

He's just moving like Forrest Gump. That'd be sweet. Although I imagine almost as expensive as driving. You gotta feed those horses.

You'd think that it could run faster, but weird. Not that 6-legged part, but that a vet would be reluctant to release it back into the wild. Sure you're probably wondering how the hell, but I'm wondering if it is functional.

Hmm. A thief or a moron? Suspected thief, convicted moron.

My guess would be a disgruntle zebra but that's just my opinion and she seems to have a solid alibi.

don't believe it

I just don't believe it. Well, not that the hostage would commit suicide but the whole ordeal. I mean, the other hostages commented on the fact that they were not doing well, physically or psychologically. So what's this about Jason surprising the people taking care of him? There were people taking care of them? I just know I'd be a terrible hostage, pleading with my government to nuking the whole damn country.

That'd be the best excuse for being late to work. Whale carcass. I'm curious though, I never knew that vehicles had ethnicities. What makes it a "Hawaiian" truck? Seriously.

Bahahaha. Another story of another moron. Although to be honest, I blog about these things too. Hmm. I may want to rethink this whole thing. Oh well, 22 days to go.

hot cocoa

Two life sentences each? Really? That'll be like 10 years. Well, they wanted the money to make sure that they're taken care of right? Well, that's what prison will do for them. It'll probably keep them around for 20-30 more years. 23 policies? Yeah, that's a bit excessive.

What? I'm not questioning the validity of this story. It's fine. He lied, he's off of disability, he'll probably have to go back to work. No. My problem is that his face is blurred but they give his name. How is that protecting his identity?

OK. This I have a problem with. If this stands, then you have the possibility of sex offenders moving in next door or down the street from the school. And that's not cool. I'll admit that maybe the guy that committed the offense against the 13yo when he was 15yo probably shouldn't be labeled a sex offender but that's the exception not the rule. I'm sorry but most sex offenders are likely to re-offend, allowing them to live/work around schools or where lots of kids hang out is just neglience. Like this guy. A website? C'mon. Regular criminals don't make websites promoting their crimes. Pro-armed robbery websites? Not likely. Maybe some of the more disturbed murderers would make a website, but that's disturbed. If that ain't a reason to re-enact Megan's Law... because one child molested is one too many.

I could mention that I saw this story on an episode of Grey's Anatomy, but instead I think I'll make fun of myself (or rather my family). Yup. 140lbs tumor removed? My parents had one removed back in 1998. The year I went to college. You see, in this story, I'm the tumor. Eh, it loses meaning if I have to explain it.

not the end

Because George Carlin would have something to say about the wording. Near collision? Near miss. A crash is a near miss; as in, "*CRASH* Look, those planes nearly missed." Yes, but not quite.

Not quite what I was conversing with Zeb about, but pretty close and hilarious. Sometimes these things are taken too literally. Of course the picture added along with the article is the pretty darn scary.

When crime really doesn't pay off. Don't get me wrong, it was an ingenious idea but costs more in the long run.

Money worth more than its face value.

It's these types that make me want to toss them out 30 minutes prior to landing. I don't think he was irate about being a first-class passenger not getting off the plane first but rather just an impatient drunk with really bad judgement.

set it on top

Really? Racially motivated? Splitting a dog in half is a message for??? No, I'm afraid there's a young serial-killer-in-training in the neighborhood. I could see it being speciesist related. You know, like if the suspect is a cat-person. There's also the possibility of some sort of King Solomon-related parable going on there. You know, two kids fighting over the dog so you split the dog in half.

Sure. A drinking game rated 'T' for teen. I don't think I like Pong Toss. Still, I guess you could use water instead of beer. That'd make it healthy right? How about orange juice? Well, I'm just going to have to settle for the live-action version of it.

As if we needed the motivation. It sounds like an excuse to tell women.

napalm &

Mmm, doughnuts. Not that it wasn't a funny story but I have to wonder what kind of person actually tries to do something like that. I was trying to figure that out; this person had to be a somewhat spiritual person since they believe in souls. Or just a sadistic person thinking that they don't need souls but would like to make a quick buck. Still, you gotta admit that there is a certain amount of appeal to have your eternal soul reside in a pizza joint.

It expresses the hopes, the dreams and the independent spirit? It's money, it expresses capitalism. Don't get me wrong, I think it's kinda cool. Braille on money. What I find disturbing is that only 10% of blind kids know how to read Braille. What the hell? I know there's technology out there that reads stuff to you, but honestly, that's like 10% of non-blind kids knowing how to read out of a book. Wait, now that I think about it... that sounds about right.

Really? You can't see the possible link? Dumbass cops. OK, the connection between marijuana and saying killing 8 people is more of a stretch. Domestic battery, resisting officers, and aggravated battery. Yeah, how do you get a killer from that? Derr, one too many hits is how. Oh, he used blunt force trauma... hmm, nope there can't be any connection to say aggravated battery because that's using an object not normally a weapon as a one. Nope, can't see the connection. Now I could understand how Sheley wouldn't be the top of the suspect list, but to say that you couldn't see any connection as to how he could do that is just moronic and blunt force trauma needs to be applied to their skulls.

This is confusing. I'm a simply person. This is about racism right? I'm trying to figure out why they quote the judge in all of this. His ruling was the least racist of everything going on. Now the commissioners have got some explaining to do. And is it really necessary to file a federal lawsuit to desegergate cemeteries? Well, I guess we haven't come as far as I thought we had. Harris County made out like a thief in this whole ordeal though, $50 a day to store the body? Whew, that's like $18,250 a year.

Yeah. It is funny, but not for the reasons the guy thinks. I mean, who records themselves committing crimes and then posts it on the Internet? Well, I'm going to stop myself there because I really don't want them to stop. Heck, give the police and the courts irrefutable evidence to convict you. Unless you hire R. Kelly's lawyer.

And this has nothing to do with the economy. Nope. Not at all.

sillyputty

Well, you'd think that falling over in the hospital would get you noticed but apparently not. Of all the places to get help when you die, the hospital should be the best place to get the quickest response. I guess not. Although I suspect that they'll put out a memo and anyone that wants to get seen quickly should just fall on the ground and play dead.

I don't understand. What's the problem? Muslims are offended? Fine. Let'em. I don't see a problem. You don't want the phone number? Fine. Stop crying about it. Grow some balls, be a man, don't complain about every little thing.

There are so many racist things I could say about this.

Doesn't PETA have anything better to do? Now they have a problem with sexual innuendos? To quote Dead Eye Dick "New Age Girl." - "She don't eat meat, But she sure like the bone."

I think I used to watch this show. Yeah... not an original idea apparently. Up in the next half hour? A talking horse.

you are all diseased

Never had I done so much in a weekend and gotten absolutely nothing accomplished.

It all starts Thursday, when I got word from my unit that I was definitely going to fly out to Utah in order to try and get into training. OK. Fine, I fly out Friday morning. How hard is it going to be for me to pack up everything I'll need for the next 6 weeks without a packing list? Not hard. Call around to friends to see if I can get a ride to the airport the next morning too. No luck, so I called a taxi.
Taxi ride from home to airport: $50.

Friday morning was like any other morning I guess, except for the fact that I had to get everything else ready. Pack up my computer, wash clothes, wash & put away dishes, finish cleaning apartment well enough so nothing grows in 6 weeks, and turn AC onto 76 so it's not stuffy when I get back. Check. Not bad for two hours.
I fly from Indy to Minnesota. Ya. Sure. You betcha. Got a nice 1.5hr layover. The St. Paul airport is nice, it's almost hard to tell if it's an airport or a mall. I mean, they have a Harley-Davidson store (not sure if I could purchase a motorcycle or not). Had a quick lunch at uh, I can't remember the name, something like The Maui Burrito. Whatever. I didn't realize that Maui had burritos. I had something called the Lahaina.
Airport lunch: $10.

I arrive at Salt Lake City a little after 5pm. The shuttle runs from 11am to 4pm. So I have to get a taxi.
Taxi ride from SLC to Army post: $68.50

I get to the Army post at around 6pm. I spend the next half hour trying to find the building I'm supposed to report to. Meanwhile, I'm hauling a duffel bag and one of those large wheelie bags along with my small carry-on. The building I'm supposed to report to has a sign that says I'm supposed to check in at another building, but that building's closed for the night. I knew I shouldn't have arrived so late on a Friday.
Finally, I locate an office that's open and contact the people I'm supposed to meet and check in with. When they show up, I'm informed that the class if full. That was to be expected. I was on the wait list. They did tell me though that they did take some people from the wait list, but did not have a lot of equipment in. That too was to be expected. They could take 3 more people, unfortunately, I was #4. That wasn't expected.
So now I'm stuck in Utah because I'm not scheduled to leave for another 6 weeks. Great. I have to find a place to stay until I can call the booking agency and get a flight back. There's only a slight chance of getting a flight that night and so I decide to postpone until the following morning. In the meantime, I'm allowed to stay in the barracks.
One night in the barracks: $6.00

Well, being the military, we're all one big family. I find two other guys in the class that are going into town to explore. I tag along. We end up hitting the bars. Had a good time. I have to say this from cruising around. Some of those Mormon girls are HOTT. Religion does a body good. Yum!
Anyway, we find a club and apparently we've ended up crashing some sort of pre-wedding festivities. Not like they rented the club, but they were there, we helped some of them get in for free (there's some sort of membership to enter any club in Salt Lake City) so we all hang out.
I end up talking with some girls, they were Kappa Kappa Gamma's. Being a fratnerity man I had to cozying up to them.
Clubbing out in Salt Lake City: Price unknown.

Ended up drinking until out midnight and had to head back to the base, sans girls. Woke up at approximately 5:30am because my roommate wanted to get up at that time. Call the military's travel agency and got a flight. Yes, it leaves in a few hours. Luckily, I haven't unpacked. Nor have I taken a shower or changed clothes. I may want to do that before I'm stuck out on another flight for several hours. Some other guys (not the ones I partied with) give me a ride to the airport so I don't have to spend money on the taxi.
For the return trip, there was some weather they the plane avoided, costing me almost a connecting flight. I make the connection with only 10minutes to spare. Not 10minutes from the boarding time, but 10minutes from push off. Luckily, Dallas/Ft. Worth airport has a rail system in place now because my flight got in on the northeast side of the concourse and my connecting flight was on the southwest side of another concourse on the complete opposite side of the airport. It would've taken me probably an hour to get there (with running through security again) and I wouldn't have made it.
Make it back to Indy at about 9pm. No one I've called can help me. I haven't called a few friends because they live just a little too far out of the way and I'm not willing to call them to pick me up from the airport. I finally get through to one of my friends that lives nearby and he agrees to pick me up. I'm home again.

So basically, I flew out to Salt Lake City to party one night with a bunch of girls and then flew back. It wasn't a bad way to spend a weekend, however, it was not productive because the reason to fly wasn't for that purpose.
Although I have to admit that it is like the military in the sense that I spent the entire weekend doing something and got nothing accomplished. I spent most of Sunday unpacking and doing homework from the last two weeks that I didn't think I had to do because I was going to drop the quarter in order to participate in the training.