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Ah yes, like shoving twenty people into a telephone booth or just not clipping your fingernails for 30 years, text messaging has a new champion! How many times did you have to text someone "The razor-toothed piranhas of the genera Serrasalmus and Pygocentrus are the most ferocious freshwater fish in the world. In reality they seldom attack a human." Really?

The PS3 is set to hit the stores here in the US on November 17th. Too bad I can't afford one. At a starting price of $600 just for the console alone, add in the price of games ($90 a piece) and you've just spent a lot of money in the first day. Oh, and plus tax? Yeah... no way I'm spending more than my rent and utilities combined on a game console. Not just yet. However, rest assured that when I can afford it I will buy one.

Bahahahahahaha. People are getting worker's comp from a PDA? Boy, all of those blue collar guys must really be feeling stupid now, filing for stuff like dislocated shoulders and back strain. Boy, how desperate are people nowadays to suck the corporations dry? I hurt my thumbs on my Treo...

My boss told me to push the envelope. So I literally pushed an envelope. Had I known he wanted me to "push the envelope" then he should've used air quotes. Nah, I like to take people literally.

And crap! Now I can't pretend I know how to play guitar. With this new t-shirt, you'll actually hear what I'm strumming and trust me, it's nothing like what it sounds like in my head. Fantasy is ruined!

Wow. I guess you can't escape the law even when you're dead. I swear officer, I wasn't driving my car when I got this ticket. A dead guy was. His name was Joe Stalin. Yeah, it'd be cool if you got away with it but otherwise you face charges of fraud and conspiracy to commit fraud. That's much cheaper than paying THE ACTUAL TICKET!

OK, some old news. Because I was at Wal-Mart last night and a fat person was parked in a handicap space. Me, being a fellow fat person, I park my car in the back. A little exercise is nice, I don't get enough of it. Yet, as I drove past this other fat person I had to wonder, "When did being fat become a handicap?" But that thought was usurped by the pink stall labeled Expectant Mother. How exactly do you check for something like that? With the handicap you've got the special license plates or blue placard hanging from your rearview mirror. A protuding stomach is not a good indicator of pregnancy, especially with obesity amuck. I've seen girls that show almost no sign of pregnancy yet were. And, and, and they get a bigger parking space. My guess is because girls aren't good at driving so they must be bad at parking too. I can't wait for the asian parking stall!