full circle

It was a boring weekend, I went over to hang out with Bill and his girlfriend. We tried to go bowling but were unwilling to wait approximately an hour for a lane to open up. So we ended back at his place. Bill offered me a beer he had brought back from St. Louis. It was a Ziegen Bock. Now this is important OK? About 5 years ago I was stationed at Ft. Hood, Texas and Bill was a student at MISSOU. Speaking on IM, I told Bill that I had a four-day weekend, he had a three-day. So logically he invited me up. Just then, my other friend, Andy, walked into my room and I asked him if he'd be interested in going up to see Bill. Of course he was, we've never turned down a road trip. I'm not adovocating drinking and driving, but Andy and I had a beer, repeat one beer a piece, so we sobered up. Before we left, Bill asked me to pick up a 6-pack of Ziegen Bock because it was only sold in Texas. On our way out we fueled up at the Class-6 (the military equivalent to a liquor store) and got a pack. This was at about 11pm on a Thursday night. As we're leaving post, the roads are empty there's just a single car moving towards us. I joked with Andy, "Watch dude, we're going to get pulled over." Sure enough, the car hopped the median and turned on its flashing lights. An MP was pulling us over. I also want to add that Andy and I have an agreement, whenever we use my car, he has to drive. Back to the story. My CRX at the time had an electrical problem, the back side marker light was sensitive so it would die when you slammed the door once, but do it twice and it comes back on. So no big deal, the MP pointed it out and we corrected the problem, then continued on trip.
To give you an idea of our daunting trip that started at 11pm, it takes approximately 12 hours to get to St. Louis, Missouri. But the MISSOU campus where we were headed, was out of the way (about 2.5hours). And to get out of Texas from Ft. Hood takes about 6 hours. The trip up there was not a problem, I couldn't sleep very much because it's not comfortable in my car. Andy wasn't sleeping because he was driving and my job became to keep him awake, smoking cigarettes, and paying for gas. We get to MISSOU at about 1pm, but Bill wasn't going to be done with class until 2:45pm. At 2:50 Bill gives me a call and we tell him where we're at. He finds us and we follow him back to his dorm. Well, what was there to do on a college campus at 3pm on a Friday? Ah, happy hour. We find a local watering hole (it's called Heidelberg or something, I can't remember). Andy and I haven't eaten since the night before, so before heavy drinking, we order some food. I start a tab with one of my credit cards (another part of my agreement with Andy, he gets free provisions) and we start drinking and eating. Now I'm drinking Black Tooths like water, soon after that I'm pretty bombed. I remember making some comment about the dart board, it was a racist dart board. Because there's white, black, and red portions but no yellow! It was probably slurred, but I got my point across (to the entire bar). We continue to order drinks, running up a tab of about $300. I guess it was like 5pm because the bar was beginning to get packed and our waitress was coming around a lot less. I sift through my wallet and find all of my credit cards still there. *shrug* "Hey guys, did either of you leave your credit card with them?" I asked, and the response was no. I shrugged again and in true Ranger form I said "Follow me!" Making a beeline for the door, with Bill and Andy behind me we skipped out on the tab. As soon as we got out the door, I took off in some random direction. Now the hard liquor was kicking in, when we got back to Bill's dorm I was broken. So I pass out on Bill's floor. Before losing consciousness, I remember that Andy grabbed my cigarettes out of my pocket. Billl's girlfriend (at the time) was coming over and they were going out again. I needed to sleep it off. When I woke up again, it was about 4am. And I needed a cigarette to get the nasty taste of the alcohol in my mouth. Bill and his girlfriend were in bed, but I woke them up. "Bill, where's Andy? He's got my cigarettes." To which Bill replied that he went out for cigarettes, and I pressed him for when. Bill said that they got back around 2am and he went out shortly after that. It was 4am, it doesn't take 2 hours to get cigarettes, so I go out looking for him. First, I look in the common area. Nope. Downstairs? He wasn't in the lobby. I didn't want to venture outside since you needed a card to get in, so I went back upstairs. Bill told me how to unlock the doors without a card. When I went out the front door, I looked around to figure out which way was the nearest gas station. As I looked around, I saw someone passed out on the ledge. I walk over and realize that it's Andy. He's covered himself up with newspapers, his hat fell over the other side, there's puke all around it but it didn't touch the hat. That was kind of cool. So I pat him down and locate some cigarettes. After getting my nicotine fix I attempt to wake Andy up. He would bounce up, look around with that glossy look in his eyes and then pass out again. He did that about four times before I figure that this method isn't going to work. I had to take a new approach to the problem. I drapped his left arm over my head and carry him back upstairs to a common area. He woke up at the last part before I set him down on the couch, so I went and got him some water which he drank before he passed out. Then I went downstairs to get the rest of Andy's stuff. I'm able to locate his jacket and hat, but his sandals are nowhere to be found. Ah, screw it, I'm going back upstairs to pass out.
We slept in for a few hours. Bill found us and convinces us that we should go to his girlfriend's place near St. Louis. Another one of my old friends, Tim, was living there too. We all decide that a nice night in was just what we needed. We picked up some beer and we went back to the apartment. Pulp Fiction was on, so we got the idea to drink every time a cuss word was uttered. A cuss word was defined as anything that would have been censored on network television. Uh, yeah, we were all hammered within an hour. I can't remember what happened after that. It was a blur.
Another morning was wasted due to sleeping in. So for lunch we go to a diner and have some food. On a whim, I figure it'd be cool if Andy got to see our college, DePauw University since we were only 3 hours west of it. So after lunch we head out. I can't remember what mile marker it was, but it's pretty much the last gas station on the Illinois side. A little town called, Casey. That's where we stopped for gas. I tell Andy that I'll drive, Andy's be driving this entire weekend, so he can get a few minutes of shut eye as I make the rest of the drive to DePauw. That's reasonable right? So we fill up and I hop behind the driver's seat.
'Ah crap! I missed the on-ramp.' So I figure I'll just keep driving straight until I can find somewhere to turn around. Just then, an unmarked white van closes in behind us. Now I'm thinking it's the Klan, come to enforce their color standards on me. So I gun the CRX, trying to outrun these guys, but they keep on me. I see what looks to be a road on my right, so I slow down and cut the wheels over. Now I don't know if I would've made it, but all I know is that it was a gravel road. I slide right off the road and into the drainage ditch that ran along side the main road. In a miracle, there were two poles cemented in on either side of the car. I'm pretty sure they would've ruined the rest of my day. So we're nose first in a ditch, in Casey, Illinois. I sigh. The odometer read 1.1 trip miles. I drove 1.1 miles on this adventure and ended up in a ditch. We agree that I never get behind the wheel again. You're thinking I should call my insurance company to get a tow truck to pull me out right? Well, I would have but uh, Casey is not the technology hub of the Midwest. There was no cellphone service there. Luck shined down upon us (or so we thought) and a car passed by. It was the cast of Varsity Blues, or at least the people the characters were based upon. I swear there wasn't a whole set a teeth between the five of them and that they were related by both blood and marriage. We had a laugh, but they couldn't help us so they take off. A few minutes later, another guy drives by. He's driving a little Toyota pickup truck. He doesn't have a lot of teeth either, but he did have a chain. So we hook it up to Veronica (my CRX back then) and with Andy and I pushing, we unditch.
At DePauw I pick up my friend Katie and all have a meal at the legendary truck stop. I don't know many people there anymore since they had graduated in May. After dinner, we take Katie back and start our journey home. The weekend was hard for Andy and we had to stop for actual rest. I would've continued to drive, but we felt that it was not necessary to ditch the car again. We get home without anymore ditches, and learning our lesson from Casey, we stop for gas elsewhere (and I still don't stop there).
So what's the importance of the Ziegen Bock mentioned at the beginning? Well, remember Bill had asked for a 6-pack. We gave it to him and now, almost 5 years later, he offered me the same ones. Yeah, a 5 year old beer. Let me tell you, beer does not get better with age. Learn from my mistake. Never, ever, drink a beer that's more than a year old. Especially one that's been cooled then warmed, then cooled, and so on for five years.