come fly with me

Not to belittle the whole thing but, uh, good luck with that. Suing terrorists? ooOOoo. Really threatening. A civil lawsuit, they probably won't make their appearance in court. OK, well, maybe a representative will from the bank but we won't hear anything about this for like 20-30 years. Oh, and Angelina Jolie looks nothing like Mariane.

How to beat burglars. Tip: use a blunt instrument, swing hard. Nah, there's some good tips in there. Of course the stat that burglaries happen every 15 seconds is kind of scary right? I love how they manipulate the numbers. Here's how I beat the burglars, I don't have expensive stuff, go ahead and steal it if you want. Renter's insurance is going to pay for it.

Weird. Not just the wild shots, but the trespasser. So the guy that gets charged is the guy protecting his stuff? What the hell was that guy doing? Lighting another man's barbeque? Must've been on drugs. That's Man Law. Well it should be. You don't light another man's barbeque, just like you don't give a man's wife a f**king foot massage. If you do, you should look forward to getting tossed out a 4th story balcony and into the greenhouse below.

Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew.

Hahaha. "911 operator, what's your emergency?"
"Uh, yeah, I'm being harassed by a bunch of police officers, can you send a black and white unit by?" Doh! What a moron.

Really? That's what grabs your eye? The shoe reflector? Good eye!

My Spidey sense is tingling. Sweet, sassy, molassie.

Treasure? Really? In turds? Well maybe in hundreds of years someone's gonna to look for treasure in a port-o-potty. My only question is, what's a buoy knife? Maybe a Bowie knife?