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Local news, because local news is hilarious...

It seemed to make sense at the time didn't it? I mean it's playground rules! Someone bites you? You bite back! And you bite hard!

Bouncing babies. No one is at fault here, except for maybe God. You know, for creating gravity and all that.

Here's why I don't drive on I-65. Flying toilets are a big drawback to choosing routes. I don't know if there's any real training out there that can prepare you for a toilet coming at you at 80mph.



Non-local news... because they're just as ridiculous as local news.

Hugs that are too close? Maybe it wasn't the best word to describe what they meant to say. Perhaps they meant to say was "too intimate?" I think that'd do it. And hugs? Inappropriate? Since when? Maybe we'd have less school shootings if those kids got more hugs! Hehe, I just realized I sounded like a hippie.

Wait. What? She was locked inside of a clinic? Eventually she had to call the cops and she unlocked the door to let them in. Um, so why couldn't she just unlock the door and walk out? Oh, because she wanted to make it a huge deal. Sorry, my bad. Just lie there, it's cool, some news reporters should be by soon.