jungle love

Update: It was an accident. You know those 31 year old pizza delivery guys always carry guns right? He accidently found it in his hand, he accidently loaded the weapon, then accidently chambered a round, accidently took the gun off 'safe', accidently pointed it the kid, and accidently pulled the trigger. Yeah, I can really believe that. It's like the scientific belief that the world evolved. I believe it (I really do) so I guess I believe that this is an accident. As far as the wife goes, yeah, I think it was right for her to attempt to commit suicide. I mean, who wouldn't? Married to a 31 year old pizza delivery guy with his highest aspiration to be a school band director? He's going places, hold on ladies for the wild ride!

Hmm, nothing quite says "be my valentine" like a gift-wrapped box with a severed dog head. Especially if the head belongs to that girl's dog. Look, I know Abby says to do something that sets you out from the crowd, but um, this is a bit much. Yes, she'll probably never forget you but then again you'll be in jail for a couple of years.

Why can't cool stuff like this happen to me? And no, I wouldn't share it with anybody but my closest friends that I trust. You know, the ones with big trucks. Yup, we'd go back with all sorts of containers and pump ourselves a little resevoir. You know what? I can't feel sad about this whole thing. Oil companies rip us off all day, every day, and only a few times does the little guy win like this. OK, I'd call a radio station after I'd gotten my fill.

Ah, more good news. I'm glad we take the time to tally up cometic surgeries. Breasts are up and so is the amount of augmentive breast surgeries or more popularly referred to as "boob jobs." Yay! Go America! To quote Daniel Tosh, "Plastic surgery gives people a chance to have their outer appearance match their inner appearance. Fake."

Oh yeah, I've been waiting for this exclusive club. Hot people only! Oh wait, they got to vote you in? Crap. Nevermind, I'll just wait in the proverbial alley behind the club and try to sneak in through the kitchen.