how can i say

She deserves every bit of money NYPD can cough up. 50 shots? Seriously. Guys hopped up on PCP go down with less! Geez. I remember something like one of the officers shot 37 rounds off. Dude! That's 3 clips! Do you know how much paperwork that is? Dumb rookies!

What? Well, that's irony for you. I don't mean to laugh but it is funny. Oops doesn't quite cover it. Don't those sex hotlines have to use a major credit card? I guess I don't know about this field.

Soda? Bad for you? You know what's funny? No mention at all about tooth decay. So soda doesn't hurt teeth anymore? Cool. I can live with the "possibility" of heart disease. Drink up!

"Steve Austin, astronaut. A man barely alive. Gentlemen, we can rebuild him. We have the technology. We have the capability to build the world's first bionic man. Steve Austin will be that man. Better than he was before. Better, stronger, faster." OK, it's not Steve Austin but still just as cool I think. Although I imagine that just the one hand cost six million dollars. If I was friends with him I'd just play the theme song every time he entered the room. I'd pay good money to have Richard Anderson redo the whole thing, pay the royalty fees.

Well, at first I was wondering why anyone would let anything get that big but then I realized that the bigger means free. Every doctor wants to be the doctor to remove a 33lbs tumor from someone's face. Ugh. I can't believe they'd endanger a patient's life just to make the news.

And now having low cholesterol can cause cancer? Last month it was racism. Now this? What's next? Sex? Having sex causes cancer!!!! Ai!

Headline reads, Teen drives truck into river, gets stuck. Um, wow, I think the person that wrote that headline is wasting away in journalism and should focus on a career as a criminal investigator. Here's one for you genius, Man jumps off building, falls down. Look into that for me would you?

Hehe. Punishment. My thing is, Wee Yim Pien says that the pond water wasn't dirty. Oh, well they just use it to wash clothes. Yup, people just wash clean clothes right? It's also an obstacle course too. No dirty people going through the obstacle course that's for sure! It's stagnant water for pete's sake!

Are things really that bad in the US? Or maybe just in Philadelphia. The mayor has bodyguards? Wow.