girth

Checked mail.

Oh! Got something for the Social Security office. Sweet! Wait, on the envelope it says "TO BE OPENED BY ADDRESSEE ONLY, UNDER PENALTY OF LAW." Well, I'm the addressee. It's a penalty under law to open this if you're the addressee? OK, well I'm not going to open it.
Ugh, all junk mail. That's crap, so I'm head back to the letter from the Social Security office. I'm thinking what the hell, let's break the law.

Oh, it's my social security statement. Well that's cool. Let's flip it open. Up at the top it says, you need 40 credits to retire, currently you have 32 credits. Sweet! I'm almost there! How I got there, I don't know. Not bad for only 7 years of working. But I'm going to get those 8 credits I need and retire! Well, maybe not. But I am eligible for benefits through disability. I could get $921 a month if I was disabled. If only... Wait, on the back is a definition of "disability" and one of the options is "a physical or mental impairment that's expected to prevent you from doing 'substantial' work for a year or more or result in death." There's so many things to say about that...
1. Mental impairment? Sweet, I'm lazy. That's a mental impairment right?
2. Physical impairment. I'm a fat bastard. Mostly due in part of my laziness.
3. Now the funny stuff. "Result in death"???? Now is the death from the substantial work? Or from the impairment? Isn't living going to result in death? In fact everything you do has the same result, you die. In the long run, people die. Result = death.

Interesting... If I choose to retire now (when I get my 40 credits) my benefits would be permanently reduced but I'd get them for a longer time.

Thought I'd share this with everyone.